Aeon Fug

When I saw this photo of Charlize Theron, the second thing I thought — after wondering if she’s slightly over-tweezed, or if it’s just me — was, “She is pretty. Stuart Townsend looks like he just realized he has a piece of spinach on his teeth and he’s desperate to keep it hidden, but she seems happy and she’s probably wearing something cute.” Then I concluded, per usual, that she could probably poke her legs through a giant handbag and pull it off with, if not ease, something approaching aplomb.

Of course, then I saw the full-length photo.

And indeed, she totally looks like she ripped apart a giant metallic purse and fashioned it into a dress. Her ACTUAL purse blends into it so completely that I barely notice it’s there. It’s proof positive that just because you’re eleven feet tall and genetically blessed, you can still look like a linebacker when you wrap yourself in what’s essentially a leather towel. Her genes must be so irritated right now. Everyone thought SAG could be the next acronym to go on strike but I’m pretty sure Charlize’s DNA might beat it to the punch.