All I Want for Fug Is You

So, get ready for me to blow your mind. We’re entered an alternate universe, one where up is down, black is white, salt is pepper, Salt is Pepa, and cats and dogs are lying down together. I think Mariah looks cute here in her Sandy Olsson from Grease shiny black leggings-esque get-up, although TECHNICALLY, I think these are more like….pleather skinny jeans:

I know, I know: I’ve spent the last sixty years (more or less) whinging and whining and wailing and crying and tearing out my hair about the leggings and leggings-esque pant-like items, and don’t get me wrong.  This is not what I would have dressed Mariah in, myself, although….you know, she is kind of working it. Let’s just say that I just like them better than this:

Oh my god, honey. Listen. No. A mesh tank top over a sparkly bra is a bigger miscarriage of justice than Glitter ever was. I mean, at least Glitter provided us with the immortal line, courtesy of a douchey and hilariously-weirdly accented “European” music video director: “Is she black? Is she white? I do not know! She is exotic. I NEED TO SEE MORE OF HER BREASTS!”  You can’t keep listening to that man, Mimi! He’s no good for you!