American Music Awards Fug Carpet: Kid Rock

Dear Kid Rock:

WE GET IT. We didn’t love it when you did it in stained tank tops and a quasi-mullet, we didn’t care for it when Keith Urban took on the partial version of this look, and we STILL think it’s stupid and vain even though you have cut your hair and borrowed Timberlake’s fedora. The brunette, who looks like she’s wearing a matching sling on her back for you to slide your hand into when it’s cold, is not helping either. We GET that apparently you want us to look upon your life as one long beer commercial, okay? POINT MADE. Now can you please INVEST IN A SHIRT? Seriously. LOOK INTO FABRIC. YOU ARE MAKING ME SHOUTY. LOOK HOW LOUDLY I AM YELLING NOW.

A keg would quiet me down, though, I think. I’m just saying. It’s not that I can be bought — it’s that I can be made too blurry and confused to notice that your chest is not a shirt.