America’s Next Top Fugger… IS…

Last night, a new America’s Next Top Model was crowned, and as usual, the poor kid was stuck trying to enjoy her victory in a severely cracked-out dress. Now, since the finale was JUST last night, I will put the following photos behind the jump, just to forestall any angry e-mails from readers who were stuck at work/on a plane/busy burying a body and could not watch the episode in a timely fashion. So be forewarned: Don’t click if you don’t want to see who won. But DO click if you don’t care, you saw it already, and/or you are a cat and Curiosity is chasing you through the house with a large kitchen knife.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you WHAA-AAAAAAT?

Or more accurately, “WTFZOMGBUBBLEGUMSHEEEEEEEIT.”

Full marks to this kid for managing to look so ecstatic even though she is essentially wearing Andie’s prom dress from Pretty In Pink, redesigned for belly-dancing cowgirls.

I mean, right? Andie’s dress is great for when you need to make an entrance and force people to stop in their tracks and think, “Dear GOD, what IS THAT SACK, and can I get three to carry my groceries?”, whereas Nicole’s is ideal for any rodeo clown out there who’s aching to distract angry broncos by dabbling in a little ’80s nostalgia. Imagine how confounded the bucking animal will be when it’s forced to watch Andie Oakley lasso wussypants Blaine, her pink fringe fluttering in the breeze as she rolls him up in a bale of hay and throws him in the back of her truck. It would be enough to render anyone dumbstruck.