Amerifug Idol

Allow me to walk you though the experience of watching American Idol in my house last night:

ME: Hang on. What happened to Paula’s left sleeve? Did Simon finally get the point where he just couldn’t take her nonsensical ramblings anymore and rip it off in a rage?

ME: Hold the phone. Is she wearing pleather elbow-length GLOVES? With assorted bracelets?

ME: REWIND. ARE THOSE GLOVES FINGERLESS? Also, is she doing the Macarena right now?

ME: REWIND THE PHONE AND HOLD ON TO IT. Fingerless pleather elbow-length gloves covered in bracelets and capped off with a cocktail ring? Am I seeing this? I think I am seeing this. Maybe I hit my head at some point today and now I’m hallucinating.
That’s probably what’s going on here. Why can’t I hallucinate about
Brad Pitt? Is that Kristy Lee Cook singing “God Bless the USA”? WHERE DID MOMMY PUT HER GIN?