At First When I See You Fug

[Photo: Splash News]

LILY ALLEN: So, wait, let’s go over this again — am I supposed to be mimicking Kelly Osbourne in this video?

DIRECTOR: No, it’s obviously very different. You have longer hair.

LILY: Right.

PURPLE-HAIRED GIRL: Does anyone want this welder’s mask?

DIRECTOR: And different sunglasses.

LILY: Right.

DIRECTOR: And — this is the really crucial bit — different music.

LILY: Right.

DIRECTOR: So, not like Kelly Osbourne at all, actually.

P-HG: Or maybe it’s a gas mask…? Might look kind of Armageddon-cool.

LILY: So let’s get this straight. Yes, I like to flip-flop between cute dresses and bad trousers sometimes, but now I’m wearing a party dress and mangy Doc Marten boots, doing the whole punk princess bit that Kelly Osbourne sort of birthed back into the public consciousness and then Avril Lavigne might have ripped off. But because I’m singing different lyrics and my hair isn’t the same, nobody will stop and wonder if maybe I’m being derivative?

DIRECTOR: Right!

LILY: Sure, whatever. I’m cute, I look quite thin actually, my hair’s shiny… it’ll be fine.

P-HG: How about a knee-high? Could make a nice glove.

DIRECTOR: God, you really get it.

P-HG: Thanks!

DIRECTOR: Not you.