Breakup Fugovers

There’s nothing like an irrational, anger-fueled trip to the salon after an ugly breakup — it’s the kind of experience where you end up with bangs you can’t pull off, a pixie cut that makes your ears look the size of eggplants, or highlights that look like you just pulled out a Major Accent and colored them in yourself.

Neither of these makeovers is THAT severe, but because we love to put things to a vote on GFY, I figured I’d spotlight them anyway. First up: Ashlee Simpson. Now, Ashlee just got dumped rather unceremoniously by Melrose Place, because she can’t act. (However, her character is supposed to be unhinged, so her complete lack of talent actually ended up working to make Violet seem MORE deranged, and therefore I’m totally bummed she got canned. Chin up, girl, at least you got to nail Michael Mancini before the door hit you on the way out.) And Ashlee coped with this parting-of-the-ways with a new dye job.

Here she is before:

[Photos of Ashlee: Splash News]

Note: I am not endorsing the hat or the overalls.

And here she is now:

Dramatic! But I don’t hate it. In fact, it reminds me of The Olden Days, back when she was just Jessica’s little sister who was on 7th Heaven, and was trying to prove she had a secret punky side, and we all thought, “Oh, Little Simpson, you are so scrappy and shouty but GOD DAMN your songs are catchy,” back when Jessica actually sold albums and before she was the tabloid poster child for relationship meltdowns. Sigh. SO long ago. Twitter didn’t even exist. How did we live without knowing John Mayer’s opinions in 140 characters or less?

Anyway: I liked Ashlee so much as a redhead, though, that I’m sorry to see it go. Red must be so hard to keep up at the salon — Nicole Kidman only just went back to it, Lindsay Lohan bleached it out of her hair and hasn’t been able to get it back consistently, our beloved Laura “Sydney Andrews” Leighton is barely a redhead any more, and Kate Walsh only just rediscovered it. Even Cynthia Nixon, when she’s not being Miranda, scraps the color in favor of her natural blonde. BOO, I say. If you look better as a redhead, as all of them do, then isn’t it worth it?

Next up: Robin Wright Penn, who is isn’t is isn’t is divorcing Sean Penn.

She has ALSO chosen to go dark. And it’s not awful, but she also doesn’t look like herself. In fact, she reminds me a bit of Jennifer Connelly this way — which is not a bad thing, since Jennifer Connelly is super hot, but you’d think an actress would want most to look like HERSELF. Although it’s been a while since Robin worked, so maybe her agent was all, “Look, the world needs a discount Jennifer Connelly. Are you game?” I also might be distracted by what I perceive as her wild need for a post-split cheeseburger. She should get back to us with the hair after a few trips through the In-N-Out drive-thru.