Byrdie Fug

You guys, I have finally finished my correspondence course! Mind-Reading Through Photography 101! Just in time to interpret this photo of Socialite Byrdie Bell!

Okay, okay. I know I can do this. All right, let me focus in on the subject’s eyes. Yes….yes….I’m getting something. She’s thinking….”Take my picture, you foolish plebeian and stop looking at me.” Uh, that’s kind of rude. We could sort of tell that from her face, too, right? Um, let’s see, I’m sensing something else… “My coat is awesome.” True — but a bit self-congratulatory. “My shoes f’ing rule, you loser.” Yes, the shoes are good. But why so crabby, Socialite Byrdie Bell? “I’m also wearing my grandma’s wrinkled old slip as a dress. So what? I can look like a cranky old bag with good taste in accessories crawling out to grab her copy of The National Enquirer before dawn breaks if I want to. Drop dead!”  Hmm. Fair enough. It IS a free country. But there’s no need to be such a crabapple! Just look down at those shoes, sugar plum. They ought to cheer anyone up.