Fug File: Dialogues

Met Ball Downton Carpet: Laura Carmichael and Michelle Dockery

May 9, 2012 By Jessica AT 1:30 pm
29

LADY EDITH:  Do I look okay?

LADY MARY: You look very much like you just posed for a John Singer Sargent portrait.

LADY EDITH: …and?

LADY MARY: It’s a compliment, you dolt.

LADY EDITH:  God, there’s no need to be so Method.

LADY MARY: Sorry. I’m just tired of people asking me where Matthew is. HE ISN’T REAL, PEOPLE. I mean, he IS real. But HE’S not real.

LADY EDITH: The more you talk, the more perplexed my face gets.

LADY MARY: Speaking of, your face in real life is so much nicer than the face they give you on Downton Abbey.

LADY EDITH: Um, thanks? I like your dress quite a lot.

LADY MARY: AND…?

LADY EDITH: And the gloves have got to go. WE’RE NOT ON SET.

LADY MARY: AREN’T WE? HAVE YOU SEEN YOU?

LADY EDITH: THIS ISN’T PERIOD APPROPRIATE!

LADY MARY: Oh, whatever. You look nice. I hope this season you get to marry some nice handsome young man instead of a creepy old dude with enormous teeth who can barely muster up any enthusiasm for you.

LADY EDITH: You look nice, too. I hope this season Matthew’s penis works correctly.

LADY MARY: The whole WORLD hopes that.

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Tiger Fugds

May 3, 2012 By Heather AT 12:00 pm
29

JON BON JOVI: HA haaaaaa.

TIGER WOODS: Heh. Heh-heh.

DAVID COOK: YEEAAAAAAAH.

JBJ: Hilarious, man.

TIGER: Yeah! Uh, what is?

DAVID: I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M HERE BUT I AM SO GLAD I CAME!

JBJ: Good joke, Tiger, man. CLASSIC.

TIGER: … Did I say anything?

DAVID: BANANAS! WOULD BE DELICIOUS RIGHT NOW BUT IT ALSO APPLIES TO THIS SITUATION!!!

JBJ: LOVE the balls it takes to be outed as a total womanizer, and then show up at an event WEARING a woman’s blouse from 1984. You have mad stones, Woods.

TIGER: I… do? Uh, I mean, I do. I DO. HAR.

JBJ: You look like David Silver. Who I believe WAS a woman’s blouse from 1984.

TIGER: A 90210 reference from Jon Bon Jovi feels misplaced.

DAVID: NOTHING IN THE UNIVERSE EVER BEEN FUNNIER!!!!!

TIGER: I’m pretty sure I’m not inviting you guys next year.

[Photo: Getty]

 

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Kids’ Choice Awards Fug Carpet: The Family Smith

Apr 2, 2012 By Heather AT 1:00 pm

JADA: Look alive, kids.

WILLOW: Mom, I dyed my hair to match your harem pants jumpsuit thingy. What more do you want from me?

JADA: Look at your brother. Now THAT is looking alive. He’s doing a full Derek Zoolander.

JADEN: Was I? I was really just thinking I wish my boots and my coat weren’t made of the same material.

JADA: Kids, how many more times do I have to tell you? This is the WILLENNIUM. Your father spoke of it in song, and now, through us, his prophecy is coming true. We took a year off to give people a chance to get used to the idea, but now is our time. We must strike while the nation is weak.

WILLOW: Yawn.

JADA: You are so GROUNDED when we take over Earth.

[Photo: FameFlynet]

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Fug or Fab: Julia and Lily

Mar 21, 2012 By Heather AT 8:00 am

LILY COLLINS: I’m confused.

JULIA ROBERTS: What, by all the cracked-out extras behind us that look like we’re trying to trick people into thinking this movie is set in the Hunger Games capitol? Don’t be. Just accept that it’s part of why our movie is terrible.

LILY: Is it terrible?

JULIA: HONEY. Have you seen the previews? The tagline should be, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s embarrassed of them all?”

LILY: Okay, fine. But that’s not why I’m confused.

JULIA: Fire away. I’m Julia f’ing Roberts. I haven’t made a good movie in years and nobody holds it against me. I have wisdom.

LILY: Wisdom, but not a tailor.

JULIA: Ask me your question, kid.

LILY: Okay. Were we SUPPOSED to go casual?

JULIA: What do you mean?

LILY: Well, you’re in a suit.

JULIA: It’s a kids’ movie.

LILY: But it’s a PREMIERE.

JULIA: During the day.

LILY: What I mean is, you look like you just came from a meeting with your attorney. Did I overdress, or did you underdress?

JULIA: I never over- or under-do anything. I just do. I am Julia. Wherever I go, the dress code is Julia. Whatever I do, it is Julia. I am my own thing.

LILY: That’s not wisdom. That’s smugness.

JULIA: Potato, po-tah-to, my fancy little tree stump.

How did Lily do?

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And Julia?

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Madeleine Stowe

Feb 23, 2012 By Heather AT 10:00 am

I love to imagine that this photo, with its facial expressions that COULD be sincere, is actually ripped from a deleted Revenge scene in which these two are covering their hatred with smiles.

VICTORIA GRAYSON (left): Hello, husband-stealing slut.

LYDIA DAVIS: Hello, ice queen on whose ass you could freeze oil.

VG: Nice to see you classing up the joint for a change.

LD: You’re so attractive for your age, Victoria. Why are you chopping your body into pieces? Can’t you leave that to your enemies?

VG: Are you wearing red because it’s the color of your venereal disease?

LD: My smile may appear friendly, but it conceals the soaring glee I feel at seeing you dressed up like you run a bordello.

VG: Why? Do you need a job? Husband-stealing isn’t lucrative enough?

LD: It’s more lucrative now that he’s about to divorce you without giving you a single penny. Maybe. I’m a couple episodes behind.

VG: What?

LD: Um, never mind. Just know that if your fingers snap from my iron grip it’s because I’ve been working out this hand for EXACTLY that purpose.

VG: And if your shoes seize up and slice off your feet at the ankle, it’s because they hate you as much as I do.

LD: Kisses.

VG: Kisses.

Is Stowe's dress that bad?

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Rosie Fugtington-Whiteley

Feb 15, 2012 By Heather AT 9:00 am

CUBA: Ahhhh, it’s good to be Cuba. I’m dapper, I was actually probably better in Pearl Harbor than most of those people, everybody kind of misses me, and now I’m here with Uma Thurman.

ROSIE: Oh, I’m not Uma Thurman.

CUBA: … Are you sure?

ROSIE: Quite.

CUBA: REALLY? Because Uma really seems like someone who would wear a cape to pick up her new boxy paperweight.

ROSIE: Yeah, but would Uma Thurman wear a breastplate?

CUBA: Huh. You have a point there. She never wears short skirts, either.

ROSIE: So you see, I’m not her. I’m… well, I don’t remember exactly, something about Transformers 3.

CUBA: Sigh. I wanted to talk about Kill Bill 3. Now it’s not so good to be Cuba.

ROSIE: Oh, and I’m also a model.

CUBA: LIKE I SAID. It’s GOOD to be Cuba.

[Photo: Getty]

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