Fug File: Dialogues

Fug or Fab: Julia and Lily

Mar 21, 2012 By Heather AT 8:00 am

LILY COLLINS: I’m confused.

JULIA ROBERTS: What, by all the cracked-out extras behind us that look like we’re trying to trick people into thinking this movie is set in the Hunger Games capitol? Don’t be. Just accept that it’s part of why our movie is terrible.

LILY: Is it terrible?

JULIA: HONEY. Have you seen the previews? The tagline should be, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s embarrassed of them all?”

LILY: Okay, fine. But that’s not why I’m confused.

JULIA: Fire away. I’m Julia f’ing Roberts. I haven’t made a good movie in years and nobody holds it against me. I have wisdom.

LILY: Wisdom, but not a tailor.

JULIA: Ask me your question, kid.

LILY: Okay. Were we SUPPOSED to go casual?

JULIA: What do you mean?

LILY: Well, you’re in a suit.

JULIA: It’s a kids’ movie.

LILY: But it’s a PREMIERE.

JULIA: During the day.

LILY: What I mean is, you look like you just came from a meeting with your attorney. Did I overdress, or did you underdress?

JULIA: I never over- or under-do anything. I just do. I am Julia. Wherever I go, the dress code is Julia. Whatever I do, it is Julia. I am my own thing.

LILY: That’s not wisdom. That’s smugness.

JULIA: Potato, po-tah-to, my fancy little tree stump.

How did Lily do?

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And Julia?

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Madeleine Stowe

Feb 23, 2012 By Heather AT 10:00 am

I love to imagine that this photo, with its facial expressions that COULD be sincere, is actually ripped from a deleted Revenge scene in which these two are covering their hatred with smiles.

VICTORIA GRAYSON (left): Hello, husband-stealing slut.

LYDIA DAVIS: Hello, ice queen on whose ass you could freeze oil.

VG: Nice to see you classing up the joint for a change.

LD: You’re so attractive for your age, Victoria. Why are you chopping your body into pieces? Can’t you leave that to your enemies?

VG: Are you wearing red because it’s the color of your venereal disease?

LD: My smile may appear friendly, but it conceals the soaring glee I feel at seeing you dressed up like you run a bordello.

VG: Why? Do you need a job? Husband-stealing isn’t lucrative enough?

LD: It’s more lucrative now that he’s about to divorce you without giving you a single penny. Maybe. I’m a couple episodes behind.

VG: What?

LD: Um, never mind. Just know that if your fingers snap from my iron grip it’s because I’ve been working out this hand for EXACTLY that purpose.

VG: And if your shoes seize up and slice off your feet at the ankle, it’s because they hate you as much as I do.

LD: Kisses.

VG: Kisses.

Is Stowe's dress that bad?

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Rosie Fugtington-Whiteley

Feb 15, 2012 By Heather AT 9:00 am

CUBA: Ahhhh, it’s good to be Cuba. I’m dapper, I was actually probably better in Pearl Harbor than most of those people, everybody kind of misses me, and now I’m here with Uma Thurman.

ROSIE: Oh, I’m not Uma Thurman.

CUBA: … Are you sure?

ROSIE: Quite.

CUBA: REALLY? Because Uma really seems like someone who would wear a cape to pick up her new boxy paperweight.

ROSIE: Yeah, but would Uma Thurman wear a breastplate?

CUBA: Huh. You have a point there. She never wears short skirts, either.

ROSIE: So you see, I’m not her. I’m… well, I don’t remember exactly, something about Transformers 3.

CUBA: Sigh. I wanted to talk about Kill Bill 3. Now it’s not so good to be Cuba.

ROSIE: Oh, and I’m also a model.

CUBA: LIKE I SAID. It’s GOOD to be Cuba.

[Photo: Getty]

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Journey to the Center of the Fug

Jan 23, 2012 By Heather AT 2:00 pm

VANESSA: Hi, Josh.

JOSH: Hey, Hudge. I think you… did you just go to the bathroom?

VANESSA: No, why?

JOSH: Oh, I just… I could’ve sworn your skirt was tucked into your underwear.

VANESSA: No, it’s just the cut of the dress.

JOSH: Wait, you WANT people to think your skirt is tucked into your underwear?

VANESSA: And YOU want people to think you’re colorblind?

JOSH: You want people to think you glued sequins to a medical back brace?

VANESSA: You want people to think you’re colorblind?

JOSH: You said that already.

VANESSA: It’s all I have. Plus, that is a LOT going on, dude.

JOSH: Gosling would make it work.

VANESSA: Gosling would know better.

JOSH: … Damn, you got me. Think he’ll teach a class before Hunger Games comes out in March?

VANESSA: You’d better hope.

JOSH: Well, I’m STILL not the one dressed like the loser of a Grey Poupon challenge on a Top Chef/Project Runway crossover.

VANESSA: Whatever helps you sleep.

 

[Photos: Getty]

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Well Played, Weisz-Craigs

Jan 5, 2012 By Heather AT 11:00 am

RACHEL: So this is it. We’re here. Posing. As a couple.

DANIEL: Next it will be raining bullfrogs.

RACHEL: How are we doing, do you think?

DANIEL: Well, you are beautiful, obviously. And your figure is resplendent.

RACHEL: Smooth talker. My dress isn’t a bit much, is it, with the neck frills and the ruffle?

DANIEL: Maybe? And my suit isn’t too beige, is it?

RACHEL: Maybe?

DANIEL: But we’re smiling.

RACHEL: And we’re giving the people what they want.

DANIEL: And we’re both incredibly good-looking.

RACHEL: Amen to that. So I think people will be pleased.

DANIEL: I am pleased. If they’re not, pooh to them, with knobs on.

RACHEL: Darling. Nobody says that.

DANIEL: They do now.

RACHEL: Fair enough. Now let’s go find a limo and see how fast you can get this belt off.

DANIEL: I’m James Bond, darling. I can name that tune in two.

[Photo: Getty]

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Well Played, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise

Dec 20, 2011 By Jessica AT 2:00 pm

KATIE HOLMES: I’ve figured out why you’ve looked so good lately.

TOM CRUISE: My very subtle but beautifully done surgical facial upkeep that you really don’t notice?

KATIE: No, although that’s excellent.

TOM: My wardrobe of impeccably tailored suits?

KATIE: No.

TOM: The fact that my INSANE CRAZY BEHAVIOR when we got married has started to fade from the minds of the public in the face of WAY CRAZIER behavior from people like Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan?

KATIE: No.

TOM: Is it that everyone is relieved we’re still married in the face of such sham relationships as Kim Kardashian and that tall, marble-mouthed person she was pretending to be married to for TV?

KATIE: No.

TOM: Is it that I’ve finally gone back to my Maverick haircut and no longer look like I think I might be Justin Bieber?

KATIE: YES.

TOM: You’re welcome. You actually look lovely tonight too. Is that Dang An’ Homely?

KATIE: HOLMES AND YANG.

TOM: Bless you.

KATIE:  Yes, it is.

TOM: YOU ARE KIDDING ME.

KATIE: Why are you so surprised?

TOM: Because you actually look  — never mind. I’m not surprised. Let’s go find the caterer with the chicken strips! Protein is vital to my upkeep, precious wife.

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