Celebrity Terror Watch: Grammy Edition

The Go Fug Yourself Celebrity Terror Watch squad is commencing a Sternum Watch for Sheryl Crow:

It doesn’t help that this dress is enforcing a high waistline on her that gives her lower half a bizarre dumpyness, but that torso is a frightening thing. Dating a professional and highly competitive cyclist probably sent her over the fitness edge; now we’re worried that breaking up with said professional cyclist might have driven her away from the fridge. That’s not cleavage — that’s a cutting board.

We consider this a high alert situation that needs to be monitored and, as quickly as possible, repaired. Somebody please make her some fried chicken, or take her to Jack In The Box for some meat and cheese between slices of butter-soaked sourdough. Britney? Where are you, dear? You’re needed. Sheryl can hold Sean Preston on her lap (if she has the strength) while you take her through the drive-thru.