Celebrity TerrorWatch: Luke Wilson

In this joyous holiday season, this time of love and understanding, of peace and acceptance, there has been but one question on the lips of everyone I meet, from parties to pancake breakfasts: “Dude, what is going on with Luke Wilson?”

You know what I’m talking about, readers:

DUDE. WHAT IS UP? Regardless of that fact his overall mien recalls Ben Affleck between the Jennifers, the man’s haircut looks like it was performed by a particularly inept fax machine.

Admittedly, Luke Wilson’s dark slide into schlub would not have been nearly as shocking if I didn’t have a permanent mental picture of him looking thusly:

Hello, lover. We’ve all aged, haven’t we, old friend? It happens. I’m glad you’re making money. But I think you need to talk to your agent about the fact that you’ve returned from quasi-obscurity to shill phone service looking like you’re in a battle-to-the-death with your low flow showerhead.

On the other hand, things could be worse. At least you don’t look like this right now:

And I must thank you for the fact that every single time I see you in those teeth, I laugh out loud. And I’ve seen that episode of The X-Files a LOT — it is my favorite of the non-mytharc, non-Scully-has-curable-incurable-nose-cancer episodes. Maybe you should just wear them in your next AT&T ad? Think about it!