Fugger: Abbey Clancy

Abbey Clancfug

May 2, 2012 By Jessica AT 1:00 pm

Abbey Clancy here is a British WAG, a model, and — my favorite part of her Wikipedia page, “she also co-hosted the reality TV show Great British Hairdresser in 2011.” I love what a direct, unadorned title that it is (I also secretly love shows about hairdressers, apparently, given that the main thing I watch at the gym is Tabitha’s Salon Takeover.)

Here, though, it looks more like she’s hosting Great British Dominatrix, which is ALSO a show I’d happily watch on the treadmill.

[Photo: WENN]

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Fug or Fab: Abbey Clancy

Nov 29, 2011 By Jessica AT 9:00 am

Okay, so I don’t know if any of you watched the kinda terrible Camelot series that was on STARZ last year — Jamie Campbell Bower flopped around wearing fur vests with his mouth open the whole time, while Joseph Fiennes chewed MAJOR scenery and Eva Green was in an entirely different (better, and also MUCH crazier) show. It was not good. WAG Abbey Clancy here was NOT on it. However:

She totally looks, to me, like the woman who played Guinevere — Tamsin Egerton, who did her level best but was consistently tripped up by the fact that her hair and face and entire demeanor just screamed, “HEY, IT’S 2007.” (Note: It was 2011.) And this dress isn’t helping. It seriously looks like something you would put your Guinevere in if you were making an only sort-of accurate, but mostly vaguely half-assed and anachronistic King Arthur movie. That being said, she’s NOT in costume, which makes it a bit more palatable — one sleeve and all.

What do you think?

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[Photo: Flynet]

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Who Fugged It More: Holly Valance vs Abi Clancy

Sep 7, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

The thing is, I am pretty sure I have a guess at who will win this one, but then again, Fug Nation can be full of surprises. So let’s get started on what Iron Chef would call “Battle Panty.”

First up: Australian singer and former Neighbors actress Holly Valance (who also appeared briefly on Prison Break as a Russian cohort of Wentworth Miller’s, if you were a fan of that show, which I sort of was, then wasn’t, then maybe was again, and then ultimately really was not).

If this dress really were Venetian blinds, as its fervent dream seems to be, then they’d be the light-diffusing kind — the one where putting them down doesn’t REALLY block out everything, but it gives you the IMPRESSION that it does so that you can go about your business making omelets without pants on, or whatever, and not be self-conscious about your hobby. Except I think in this case, a little self-consciousness might’ve been in order, because now I am intimately aware that her chest has been turned into a Denny’s short-stack. If I could add the visible belly-button into the breakfast metaphor, I would, but other than the awful “her coffee cup needs refilling” I couldn’t conjure one that made even a shred of sense. In sum: Check, please.

But can it beat this?

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Abbey Clancfug

Nov 12, 2009 By Jessica AT 12:50 pm

Abbey Clancy here is a British celeb who has apparently been a very busy woman. She’s engaged to British footballer Peter Crouch, after a rocky start to their relationship in which he dumped her in the middle of the 2006 World Cup via fax (!!!!!!!!) because he decided she was a cheating cokewhore (I paraphrase). He apparently ALSO issued a statement VIA HIS LAWYER that they’d broken up and he was never going to have anything to do with her again. THAT is way harsh. But anyhoodle, now they’re engaged. In addition to dealing with all this dramz, it seems Abbey found time to be first runner-up on Britain’s Top Model, do a modeling show with Janice Dickinson, be a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen, model lingerie, and, it seems, live a busy and full life. Judging from this dress, she’s also apparently a model for a secret version of Project Runway in which WAGS act as models for designers who happen to be legally blind:

That appears to be: a bra, some haphazard tulle, and a variety of ribbon belts woven together to create what I believe Heidi Klum would dub, “a big old mess.” I don’t know about you, but I suspect there’s a designer somewhere that is about to receive a very agitated fax.

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Brit Awards Fug Carpet: Abi/Abigail/Abbey Clancy

Feb 21, 2008 By Heather AT 9:04 am

In light of this photograph, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that Ms. “Make Up Your Mind, Please” Clancy is: a) a former lingerie model; b) a runner-up of Britain’s Next Top Model, dinged by the judges for being too “glamour,” which is essentially UK modeling code for “soft-core porn”; c) a WAG, or more specifically, the on-off G of toothy giant Peter Crouch; d) was allegedly dumped once by Crouch via fax; and e) tried to solidify her career by allowing herself to be taken under the musty wing of professional exhibitionist and gold-plated nutter Janice Dickinson, purely for televisual purposes.

Given all that, it may surprise you that she bothered wearing panties at all. Didn’t Janice teach her better than that?

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