Sweet holy hellfire.
Put down the varnish, kid. YOU’RE NOT A TABLE.
Widow Longoria A WIDOW NO MORE? In other words: She looks sassy. But does she look good? Let’s take a look at her, and a variety of other ladies, from this weekend’s ALMA Awards, which did seem to be sponsored by the Color Red.
True confessions: While I am aware of HOW the Cheetah Girls exist, I’m not entirely sure what their point is. Since we already have Miley Cyrus, her alter ego, and all those High School Musical kids, I don’t feel like I need another Disney musical act trying to sell me, my unborn offspring, and my excitable nieces a bunch of specially branded pencil cases. They’re the Egg Beaters of tween bands: nice try, but totally not the real thing.
Still, I have to give them props for trying to keep things interesting.
It takes moxie to dress up as Elvis Presley with an Amelia Earhart fetish. And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Ferris Bueller wear a very similar sweatervest on his epic, ultimately non-fatal day off? Never mind that Adrienne Bailon is not actually TRYING to be in costume; the fact that she’s wearing three-in-one is sort of impressive.
However, I am mildly concerned that this is a result of Adrienne going insane because she just realized she’s been dating a Kardashian, thus prompting her to employ opaque goggles as a means of making it physically impossible to look at herself in the mirror. Or maybe she has Chace Crawford painted on the insides to soothe her when times get rough. Maybe Intern George should develop some of those for his loyalists. Some personalized Hug Goggles — let’s call them Hoggles — would make a fortune in these trying times.