Dear Alicia Keys:
This is an intervention.
You have GOT TO STOP with the constant stream of unflattering skintight pants. They look terrible on you. Seriously. You don’t HAVE to compete with Rihanna, you know, trying to be all space-age trendy and stuff. Just because she’s hot doesn’t mean you AREN’T; she just knows better than this. We see you’re talented, we see you’re fit, we see you’re trim. You don’t need to prove it with pants that look like you need an entire team of backstage interns just to get them up, or down, over your hips (although that makes going to the bathroom a more convivial experience, consider how much simpler it would be if you didn’t have to fit twelve people in the stall with you). Maybe you think pants this snug force your voice into its upper register; maybe they make you more aerodynamic for when you jump onstage. I don’t know. But they’re not worth it. So unless you WANT to be for Monistat what Jessica Simpson is for Proactiv, get yourself to crotch rehab, stat.
Love,
Heather
@CountSnarkula YES!!
World Music Awards: Well Played, Alicia Keys
It’s unusual for me to wake up on a Monday feeling chipper. Yet here I am, not only in a good mood, but also feeling relieved and proud and even a tough smug.
Why, you ask? Because my intervention WORKED.
Look how hot Alicia Keys is! Yes, she could use a meatball or three, but some of that might just be the angle of the photograph. But please, celebrate with me: She’s wearing a dress that FITS. In an awesome color. With simple but striking makeup. And I want her purse.
But wait. It gets better. Because unlike other awards shows, where she started out strong and then climbed through the looking glass, here Alicia showed actual restraint:
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