Fugger: Brangelina

Oscars Lea Michele-ly Played, Angelina Jolie

Feb 27, 2012 By Heather AT 9:00 am
Angelina Jolie
Angelina JolieAngelina JolieAngelina JolieAngelina Jolie
8 photos in gallery

For what it’s worth, I think she looks great, but that will always be beside the point. This will never not be hilarious to me. It’s like Angelina shot herself up with vamp juice, and/or busted a hinge on her inner thigh. It just KEPT ON POPPING, like a frat boy’s collar.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs or Fabs: Angelina Jolie

Feb 21, 2012 By Heather AT 2:00 pm
Angelina Jolie
Angelina JolieAngelina JolieAngelina JolieAngelina Jolie
5 photos in gallery

Angie took a break from helping Brad Pitt through awards season — I’m sort of bummed he’s not going to win for Moneyball, as he was excellent in it; I’m afraid he’ll end up winning one later as an apology, for a role that wasn’t as good, the way the Oscars like to do it, and then someone MORE deserving of THAT one will get frozen out, and the vicious cycle will continue — to promote In The Land of Blood and Honey and some other random thingamy. Don’t you love how thorough I am? But seriously, the event rarely matters. It’s Angelina, and so it’s noteworthy, even if she’s all dressed up to go buy a tiramisu.

How'd she do?

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[Photo: Getty]

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SAG Awards Well Played, Brangelina

Jan 31, 2012 By Jessica AT 8:00 am
GG, Brad, and Intern Ross
BrangelinaBrangie.Brangelino
4 photos in gallery

I decided last night that Intern Ross is the Eve Harrington of E!. He seems harmless, but he is coming for Giuliana, he’s bound and determined to take over her gig, and she knows it. I realized this with crystalline clarity on Sunday when they were interviewing Brad and Angelina  — separately — and Ross just basically ran with both interviews. Giuliana couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and when she did, the only think she did was ask them (surely pre-approved) questions from Twitter. And the whole time that Ross was gushing over Brad/Angelina, you could just read on G’s face how much she wanted to kill him for taking over her giant Brangelina interview. I’ve seen this movie, you guys, and we all know how it ends.

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Fug or Fab: Angelina Jolie

Jan 23, 2012 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

Look, we really need to work on Angelina’s feet now. She’s starting to break out of her billowy rut, but her shoes are duller than Ivanhoe. On the one hand, yes, it’s great that she’s not cutting off the circulation or wearing something that jacks her pinky toe so far off to the side that it’s practically a thumb.

But on the other, eight times out of ten they’re dowdy satin snoozefests — including at the Globes, when she otherwise rocked some serious, if slightly stiff, glamour. It deserved better than white satin hooves, and this is being similarly robbed of its full potential. How is it possible that Angelina Jolie almost always seems to dress without joy? Has she SEEN herself? If I were in that body, I would bring more heat than a SWAT team.

All that said, I do appreciate that this is interesting, and in fact I don’t hate it. Although I can’t figure out the back:

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Golden Globes Battle of the Red Flap: Angelina vs Natalie

Jan 16, 2012 By Heather AT 8:00 am
Angelina
Natalie PortmanAngelina JolieNatalie PortmanAngelina Jolie
6 photos in gallery

It figures that the one time Angelina switches it up and goes full Movie Star I Could Kill You With A Bat Of My Eyelashes glam on us, someone else shows up with a similar bodice motif. The dresses themselves aren’t a match, but still, if I were Natalie Portman I would watch my back in case a cane gets thrust at it. How handy that Angie’s plus-one gets to carry a weapon.

Who takes it?

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[Photos: Getty]

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Well Played, and Fab It Up, Angelina Jolie

Jan 10, 2012 By Heather AT 2:00 pm

Considering that a ding against Angie is often follicular limpness — or, remember those half-hearted bangs? — I thought I’d lead with the close-up.

Shine! Body! It’s almost Middletonian. I hope the two of them have become secret e-mail friends. Angie can coach Kate on how to handle magazine covers announcing that you are pregnant, and Kate can provide shine-boosting tips and volumizer samples. And then they can both talk about whether Jennifer Aniston is doing the right thing, because you know that comes up.

Let’s check out the rest of the outfit:

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