Fugger: Catherine Zeta-Jones

For a moment I didn’t reognize this lady.

Is that crazy of me? Because now, I’m like, “Oh, right, of course, it’s Catherine Zeta-Jones,” but it took me far longer than it should considering that looking at photos of people like her is basically my job. I don’t even know who I thought it was — part of it is that I forgot CZJ was even in Rock of Ages, so I had to solve that riddle as well, and between this and all the episodes of Countdown I am YouTubeing so I can play along, I just don’t have TIME for any more PUZZLES, people.

But, the clothes: Am I wrong to wish she and Julianne Hough (which, whoops, you’ll see in a bit) had switched outfits? That neon yellow would look astonishing on her, I suspect, but mostly I just want to cut this refried figure-skating outfit off of her before she breaks a leg attempting a heavily coerced triple axle. Plus, if you put it on Hough, somebody might look at her and decide it’s time for an Ice Castles remake starring her and, say, Keegan Allen from Pretty Little Liars (he’s got an apt Young Robby Benson thing going, kind of, right?), and I think the world would benefit heavily from THAT. We need more figure-skating movies. The last one we had was Ice Princess, and although I support the idea of making girls believe math is cool, we can’t let the genre rest on a film in which Michelle Trachtenberg implied it’s a carnival trick that you can master if you just go to physics class and buy a good calculator.

[Photo: Getty]