Let’s take a look at some Vogues Of The World over the last couple of months. Some of them are glorious and some of them are hideous and that’s how the world goes round.
Fugger: Claire Danes
I love her, and I enjoyed reading the profile of her in The New Yorker a couple of weeks ago, and I would like to applaud her for wearing lipstick on a night when so few women did. And ergo I am distraught that at least four people must have seen her in this and no one pulled her aside and said, “GIRL. NO. This makes Gwyneth’s pink Oscar dress look like a miracle of fit. This whole thing needs to be yanked up and pulled over and given more fabric and — no, you know what? No. Take it off. TAKE IT OFF, CLAIRE. I don’t care if I have to run down to Anthropologie and buy you something from Free People, you’re not wearing this.”
I’m ugly-crying with joy that this show will be back soon.
I called this one (did you?)! I’m so proud. I even knew they’d mention the baby. I will give myself a cookie as a reward. Now, let’s talk about this cover. I am a bit torn; the trench is WAY TOO HOT for August, but it’s also thematic given that we always think of the CIA/FBI wearing a trench, and I guess it’s time for us to talk about fall clothes already? Ugh, Vogue, I can’t. It’s too hot. Although, I love trenches, and this one is beautiful. Additionally, I need to read about the facelift of the future AND how to keep from shrinking (I assume step one is not to marry one of The Twits) AND I probably need to make fun of the article that’s going to treat Brooklyn like it’s, I don’t know, the depths of Peru so exotic it is! And who doesn’t want to see lots of Damian Lewis? So I’m giving this one a tentative thumbs up, even though I hate her makeup and think it makes her look a tad bit like she’s running a fever. Or maybe she’s just really hot in that trench.
Met Ball Well Playeds and Hmms and Zzzs: More Celebs Who Look Perfectly Fine, Mostly, But Also Seriously Could Be Absolutely Anywhere Else
So, there is acreage between “catering to your dramatic whims” and “looking like a crazypants naked and/or upholstered crackpot,” and the whole point of the Met Ball is the former, even if you fall on your face doing it (which leads to the latter, and outfits like that are exactly why Anna’s annual gala is such a hilarious good time and must never, ever change, even when we get capsy over people’s insane choices). Don’t we think it’s about time, say, Renee Zellweger had some semblance of a dramatic whim again? She is operating at a severe dramatic whimsy deficit. Her last one was Kenny Chesney, I think, and although that didn’t turn out so well for her, it was a VERY exciting time for all of us looky-loos. ALWAYS THINK OF THE LOOKY-LOOS. If we’re stuck with a stupid term like that to describe what we’re doing, then at least please make sure we’re having fun doing it.
We saw the white, black, navy, and otherwise vaguely neutral frocks, now let’s take a look at the women who actually wore some color this weekend. Also: OMG a LOT of people went to this thing, many of whom I doubt are even good EMAIL correspondents.