I think that, in this moment, even Jennifer Aniston knew this was a wasted opportunity.
Yawn. A black dress and hair around her face. And a too-long necklace that’s fighting with the neckline of the limp-rag-looking gown she threw on in the limo. Totally boring and uninspired and exactly the theme we’ve seen before. It’s everyday Jen, not glammed-up Jen.
How about trying an updo, lady? I know that’s a strong chin, but it’s not like she’s never worn her hair up before. I’ve seen Friends. Play. Get a little creative. Isn’t she walking the same breakup line Jessica Simpson did — becoming best friends with her hairdresser?
Incidentally, the dresses most people talk about with Jen are the red strapless sheath and the ivory-and-cold strapless empire-waisted gown, neither of which — Aniston, pay attention — is black. One exception, if I remember right, was a low-cut cleavage-barer, which at least flaunted her figure. This dress does none of that. And given the PR war raging between Team Aniston and Team Jolie-Pitt, the fact that a small-screen star struggling to own the big-screen was invited to present at the Oscars had to be considered a great opportunity — and perhaps even a leg up, since Brangelina was busy gestating in Paris. But Jen played it safe, played it typical, on a night when she could’ve taken chances with color and style to look more glamorous than we’re used to seeing her. Wasn’t this all about seeing her on par with all the movie stars, not as a TV star trying to break into the In Crowd?
And, even a little, wasn’t this about sticking it to Team Jolie and showing off her bod and knocking everyone dead, instead of looking bored and rolling her eyes during red-carpet interviews?
Boo.
@VladaGelman How is Top of the Rock? - J
Fuggifer Aniston
Dear Jennifer Aniston:
Message received loud and clear: You’re healthy, you’re happy, your womb is most certainly open for business, you’re knew all along that your last two films were crap, you most certainly are NOT co-dependent on Courteney Cox, you seriously had no idea Victor Kiriakis was alive all that time in New Salem and you aren’t sure when he’s going to get a story of his own on Days, you had no idea Joey was still even on the air, you’re pretty sure the perpetually unemployed David Schwimmer is pitching a Friends spinoff sitcom entitled JuRossic Park in which his paleontologist character dabbles in science with hilarious and hungry results, and you really, really, REALLY don’t want us to make you our victim.
So, fine, we won’t — well, at least not of anything except fashion.
That ruffle looks like hormone therapy gone horribly, horribly wrong.
And WEAR A COLOR, for the LOVE of GOD. This is getting thoroughly predictable and boring. The last time you were out in a dress that was anything other than black, at least as far as I can research, was October, and that dress was in the boring-beige family. Going back from there, it’s all black until I hit the 2004 Emmys, when you wore the white and gold strapless number.
That is a long time without color. And you wonder why we think you’re depressed all the time. EXPERIMENT, Jen. Liven things up a little. Dare to dream! Challenge yourself to step into the wild that is navy blue! Shock yourself by exploring purple! Go on walkabout in the perilous Australian Outback that is green! Don’t turn your back on the world!
… No, Jen, I was serious about that last thing. Don’t turn your back. Because that thing is really unflattering from that angle. Is it poorly made, or just ugly?
Kisses,
GFY
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