Fugger: Kanye West

Fug-Star Weekend

Feb 24, 2011 By Heather AT 8:00 am
Amar'e Stoudamire
Dirk NowitzkiKenyon MartinCarmelo AnthonyDarryl Dawkins and Robert Horry
18 photos in gallery

Nobody cares about the NFL’s Pro Bowl. Nobody even remembers that the NHL has an all-star game. People know about baseball’s, but it’s not a red-carpet affair. So why is the NBA’s all-star weekend such a big deal? My guess: Because of the clothes. (Two words: CHARTREUSE SATIN. Seriously, if you make it no further in this slideshow, you must at least get to slide 5, starring Darryl Dawkins and some awesomeness from his Wikipedia page.)

Amar’e Stoudamire here, fresh from the Tommy Hilfiger show at Fashion Week, clearly did not get the memo, as he’s resolutely clinging to a very respectable and distinguished Cuddly Professor look. Fortunately, not everyone was so restrained — and yes, that’s players AND celebrities. Come with me on a whirlwind tour of what people wore, and see why this event must never, ever be cancelled.

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I Know Who Fugged Fug

Feb 7, 2011 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

Oh, Lindsay, honey. You are so transparent.

Lindsay Lohan

But for one thing, I don’t think Hef needs any more cocktail waitresses at the mansion, and for another, I am pretty sure you might actually be underqualified. Have you considered trying Starbucks first? They might want your bodices to fit you a bit more snugly, but at least the pressure of making a good latte foam is less than being able to deliver cocktails to the likes of David Spade in the middle of some kind of hot-tub orgy. Plus you might be able to hide under a ballcap.

However, I’m sure my advice is not the most important she has received this weekend:

his caps lock key is loud

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Fugaway

Oct 22, 2010 By Heather AT 11:00 am

[Photo: Splash News]

“LISTEN UP, Y’ALL, THIS NIGHT IS A CAPS-LOCK NIGHT. I AM THE CAPS LOCK. I AM FEELING BEYOND COMPARE, WITH MY SHIRT LIKE SATIN SURGICAL SCRUBS AND MY DANDY POCKET SQUARE, WHICH I WEAR CAUSE I CARE THAT Y’ALL LOVE TO STARE SO I’M JUST SHARING MY FLAIR LIKE THAT WALDORF NAMED BLAIR, THE HUXTABLE NAMED CLAIR, OR FORMER DETROIT LIONS QUARTERBACK ANDRE WARE (JUST KIDDING HE HAD NO FLAIR, BUT DON’T TELL HIM I SAID THAT BECAUSE I’M NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON). ANYWAY, I FINISHED MY MOVIE RUNAWAY. IT’S THE ONE ABOUT MY HOT PHOENIX ALIEN GIRLFRIEND WHO BURNS WHEN PEOPLE ARE INSENSITIVE TOWARD HER AND THEN HER ASHES GO BACK HOME. I DON’T KNOW. I MADE IT UP. BUT YOU CAN BE SURE IT’S DOPE LIKE SOAP ON A ROPE IN THE TUB WITH THE POPE EATING A PLATE OF CANTELOUPE WATCHING RERUNS OF CHICAGO HOPE TO HELP HIM COPE WITH BEING POPE. ALTHOUGH I REALLY SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR RHYMING POPE AND POPE — I PROMISE I’M A BETTER PERSON THAN THAT AND I’VE TOTALLY CHANGED AND IF SOMEBODY WOULD JUST FIND ME A DAMN RUG WITH CHERUBS ON IT THEN MAYBE I WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT RHYME. IT SHOULDN’T BE A HASSLE TO SHOW I AM WORTHY OF MY PASSEL OF AWESOME LOAFER TASSELS SOMETHING-SOMETHING FORMER NEW YORK GIANTS COACH JIM FASSEL. YOU FEEL IT? WELL I DON’T. SOMETHING IS MISSING.”

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New York Fugshion Week: Day 7

Sep 16, 2010 By Jessica AT 8:00 am

I have no idea what’s happening here, but maybe Kelly told Kanye where to get a great deal on editing boats:

We saw Kanye shortly after this, hanging out at Phillip Lim, where Alexa Chung kinda won us over. Four words: “What dick hates Chanel?” Girlfriend has a point!

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New York Fugshion Week: Day 6

Sep 15, 2010 By Heather AT 8:00 am

Well, it happened. A day after I came face to face (well, from four feet away, and the other side of a restraint and a wall of photographers) with Jennifer Lopez, I chatted up the other person I have parodied regularly on this Web site:

In fact do you see that lily-white hand clutching the red iPhone? That is my lily-white hand, and my red iPhone (turns out that Voice Memo function is a lot more useful than you’d think). This photo explains a tremendous amount about why I am not the world’s preeminent hand model.
I am not sure what came over me — like, who do I think I am, talking to Kanye at Fashion Week when usually we just sit back and ogle? — but Kanye was very pleasant about being approached at Rodarte by a total random with tired eyes and really bad hands. I hope you enjoy the article it yielded, wherein I ask him if he has an equivalent of Sasha Fierce.
We also saw Gabrielle Union bringing it on at Badgley Mischka, and Serena Williams laughing it up with Anna Wintour at Vera Wang. Also, Gossip Girl’s Jessica Szohr was pretty much the only boldface name at Herve Leger, the bebe show was a complete logistical nightmare brightened only by the presence of two NBA stars who surely could have saved us if the entire place went up in flames, and we closed the night with another Fug Nation favorite: Courtney Love. We still have two more days left here in New York, but how could they possibly top this one?
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VMAs Kanyeing: Kanye

Sep 14, 2010 By Heather AT 10:00 am

“YO AMERICA.”

“CHECK OUT THIS &^$*ING RED SUIT. I AM A VISION OF PRECISION SO HOLD YOUR DERISION WHILE I MAKE AN INCISION IN YOUR %&*^$&ING TELEVISION LIKE PERFORMING A CIRCUMCISION WITH NUCLEAR FISSION SOMETHING-SOMETHING GEICO LONG DIVISION. YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST: PROFESSOR PLUM DID IT IN THE CONSERVATORY WITH MISS SCARLEtT AND HE KNOCKED HER UP WITH MY $*&^%ing SUIT, YOU O&$^ING DIG? BUT NO I’M REALLY HERE TO MAKE SURE THAT, A YEAR LATER, YOU ARE ALL STILL %*&%^ING TALKING ABOUT ME AND TAYLOR %*(&$^ING SWIFT WHO HAS A GIFT THAT I GAVE SHORT SHRIFT AFTER I RIFFED ABOUT BEYONCE GOT STIFFED AND IF YOU SHOP WITH ANY THRIFT BUY GEICO FOR YOUR FORK-LIFT. AND I HOPE THAT AFTER THIS $*&^ING BROADCAST, AND THIS #$%$^ING SENSITIVE RAP, WE CAN ALL %*$^ING FORGIVE EACH OTHER AND %*&$^ING MOVE THE %*&^ ON BECAUSE I %(^&ING HAVE TO GO BUY THROW-PILLOWS AND ##%ING 3(#*^-SWINGS AND SOME *^$&*^ i&*^()%i&ERY AND DON’T FORGET THE (#%*(& SALAMI ICED WITH *$#&*^$ GEICO (%$^)s^ CHEESE FACTORY &%$#*^)^ )(@#*#()%$_^ ()#e%^$)%_^ TOE-JAM. DID YOU GET ALL THAT? YEAH, I THOUGHT SO.”
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