Fugger: Kristen Stewart

Well Played — But With A Little Fug or Fab — Kristen Stewart

Jun 30, 2010 By Heather AT 9:00 am

Whenever we ding Kristen Stewart for looking like she’d rather let a woodpecker pierce her ears than be at any of her premieres, people often fight back by claiming that she’s just “being herself,” and that it would be deeply wrong on a spiritual level to ask her to act bubbly. We contend there is a middle ground between surly and falsely spazzy-happy, and voila, K.Stew proves us right:

She’s still got a bit of her edge, but she’s smiling, she looks pleasant, it almost makes me believe the people who say she’s actually totally awesome, and it definitely convinces me that she’s not going to snap and kill the valet with a ticket stub. What’s more, that dress is adorable — kind of a tornado of sequins, the likes of which would give a magpie a joy coronary. I don’t even mind the messy updo, because it looks purposefully done and not like a victim of the treadmill, and least her hair looks clean. 
Let’s move onto what she wore on Letterman to see if the good times keep rolling:

Read More

Fug file: Fug or Fab, Well Played,
react:

Fug or Fab: The Twilight Trio

Jun 25, 2010 By Jessica AT 8:00 am

ROBERT PATTINSON: I look DREAMY. Right?

KIRSTEN STEWART: No comment. Can’t I keep my private life private???!

TAYLOR LAUTNER: Totally dreamy! Very Cedric Diggory of you, Rob. How do I look?

RPATTZ: Dreamy.

KSTEW: Double-dreamy. I like how you boys coordinated your ties.

RPATTZ: T. Laut and I have a connection, Kristen. I’m having him MC my Vegas show.

KSTEW: Your WHAT?

TLAUT: Can’t you tell from the outfit?

RPATTZ: I’m just going to be singing lounge music and playing the piano. Wearing this suit. Maybe without a shirt, and with more gold chains. It’s going to be called Cool Jazz With R Pattz. Or maybe, The Pirates of RPattzence! Hmm, but then I would need to hire pirates. It’s still a work in progress, precious girlfriend.

KSTEW: Don’t call me that. Anyway, can we talk about my outfit, rather than our relationship?

TLAUT; You look great!

RPATTZ: You’re so NICE to everyone, Taylor. But you forgot the end of that sentence. It ought to be. “You look great…except you needed to either HAVE a sleeve, or NOT have a sleeve.”

KSTEW: You’re just saying that because you haven’t seen this from the back.

Read More

Fug file: Dialogues, Fug or Fab, WTF, , ,
react:

Well Played, Kristen Stewart

Jun 18, 2010 By Heather AT 8:00 am

KRISTEN STEWART: I look great.
TAYLOR LAUTNER: I’m wearing layers.
K.STEW: Yeah, but don’t I look great? Like, I’m proving I can be hygienic and still a bit funky at the same time?
T.LAUT: See, if one more person asks me to go shirtless, I’m going to scream, okay? So Rome gets jacket AND shirt. Deal with it.
K.STEW: You’re totally missing the headline here.
T.LAUT: I am HOPING I will miss headlines like, “Lautner Looks Tautner.”
K.STEW: Would you just please stop fixating on the abs that made you famous and check out how awesome I look? Please? I don’t shower for just ANYONE, you know.
T.LAUT: Now I know how Rob felt about his hair. I swear, as soon as we’re done with Breaking Dawn, I’m eating Wendy’s for two months.
K.STEW: Fine. FINE. Ignore my efforts. But if I decide to quit bathing again and wear only solar-paneled skirts from now on, you have only yourself to blame.
Fug file: Dialogues, Well Played, ,
react:

MTV Movie Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kristen Stewart

Jun 7, 2010 By Jessica AT 9:00 am

KRISTEN STEWART: Hey, Rob.

ROBERT PATTINSON: Yeah, what’s up?

KSTEW: I just read somewhere the other day that, with your new haircut, you look kind of like Jason Priestley in the original 90210. And all of a sudden, I saw it. And now I can’t unsee it. We might have to break up.

RPATTZ: What are you talking about? Why would that be the deal-breaker?

KSTEW: Brandon Walsh is a TERRIBLE boyfriend.

RPATTZ: He’s totally sensitive!

KSTEW: He’s SO PATRONIZING and JUDGEY. Seriously, have you watched those reruns lately? HE’S SUCH A BLOWHARD.

RPATTZ: Listen, I’m going to have to grow it all out again for Twilight: Vampire Babies. So can you just hang tight for a bit?

KSTEW: Like, you need to revisit how bunchy his panties got when he found out Susan had an abortion! He was UNBEARABLE! HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HER! And she was DISTRAUGHT! And he totally –

RPATTZ: OKAY, let’s change the subject. Shall we talk about your outfit?

Read More

Fug file: Awards & Galas, Crotchtacular, Dialogues, Fug or Fab, , , ,
react:

Better Played, But Still Fug-or-Fab-ish: Kristen Stewart

Jun 1, 2010 By Heather AT 10:00 am
KRISTEN STEWART: I’m so happy they send us to this stuff together. Now nobody can analyze my body language with Robert to figure out whether we’re hooking up.
TAYLOR LAUTNER: Didn’t you already tell people that you’re hooking up?
K.STEW: You’re so NOSY, God, CAN’T A GIRL HAVE A SECRET PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP IN PRIVATE?
TAYLOR: Uh-huh. Well, at least you look much better. Kind of happy, almost, maybe, sort of.
K.STEW: Thanks. I’ve been working on this a lot after watching Top Model reruns. I call this The Reese Witherspoon.
TAYLOR: Not bad. You do sort of look like her when she was in Walk The Line.
K.STEW: I KNOW.
TAYLOR: And your clothes aren’t dirty or scary, and I think you showered. I’m so proud of you. Although…

Read More

Fug file: Fug or Fab, ,
react:

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Kristen Stewart

May 4, 2010 By Heather AT 8:30 am
Damn, Kristen Stewart fans, you’re in for a real treat. 
As part of her set at the Sheboygan Dinner Theater and Cabaret sponsored by the local council of septuagenarian Twilight addicts, Kristen Stewart will be performing a medley of Barbara Mandrell, Crystal Gayle, and Barbra Streisand’s greatest hits, ending with “People” set to a montage of Edward and Bella’s most co-dependent scenes. All of this is brought to you by the good people of Dentucreme, Poise pads, and Centrum Silver. Just get up to use the bathroom when she gets into the part of the banter where she discusses having her liver spots lasered; let’s just say there’s a reason it’s a dress with a view.
Fug file: Uncategorized, , , ,
react: