Memo to all the birds circling the Sydney skies:
Two words: target practice.
[Photo: Splash News]
“No, wait, you guys! This one wasn’t on purpose, I just accidentally walked into my hotel curtains as my handlers were coming to get me for this thing. Please, enthusiastic fan, can you just take this off my head for me? I CAN’T SEE. I’M CLUTCHING YOU OR ELSE I’LL FALL OVER. Can someone help? I AM ACCIDENTALLY WEARING A CURTAIN. IS THIS WHAT THEY MEANT ABOUT CRYING WOLF?”
“No, PLEASE. No. No pictures! I just want to attend this yoga class in peace. I don’t understand how you could think I’m going to yoga looking for ANYTHING other than NAMASTE. Serenity! Flexibility! A moment to myself! I don’t know WHY you would POSSIBLY look at me and think this UNPLANNED yoga jaunt was designed to get people to NOTICE ME. J’ACCUSE!”
Look how pensive Gaga is here:
All wig, tea cup, fake lashes and feather bra. Who WOULDN’T be thoughtful? But whatever could she be thinking?
THE SITUATION: Gaga’s just bein’ Gaga. At a press conference in Japan with a tea cup. Didn’t we agree that her tea cup affectation was to be retired? NO ONE LISTENS TO ME.
THE TASK: Please read her mind, and communicate to us her inner monologue at this moment.
THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday.
THE PRIZE: We are giving away a copy of Bloodthirsty to all three finalists! What is it about? If I may quote from Good Reads: “Some vampires are good. Some are evil. Some are faking it to get girls. Awkward and allergic to the sun, sixteen-year-old Finbar Frame never gets the girl. But when he notices that all the female students at his school are obsessed with a vampire romance novel called Bloodthirsty, Finbar decides to boldly go where no sane guy has gone before–he becomes a vampire, minus the whole blood sucking part. With his brooding nature and weirdly pale skin, it’s surprisingly easy for Finbar to pretend to be paranormal. But, when he meets the one girl who just might like him for who he really is, he discovers that his life as a pseudo-vampire is more complicated than he expected. This hilarious debut novel is for anyone who believes that sometimes even nice guys-without sharp teeth or sparkly skin–can get the girl.” I have read this, and I can indeed attest to that fact that it’s quite charming. And, hello, what better prize for a contest about Gaga than one featuring a poseur vampire?
Because it’s not just Australia and the UK who chip in with flagrant fuggery. Canada, we salute you. And we beg you to burn Avril’s bike shorts before she brings them back here and tries to make them happen. THEY CAN’T HAPPEN.