Fugger: Marion Cotillard
We all know I’m not a huge fan of the mono-sleeve, especially when it’s more of a cape, as if the arm within has a superhero complex. And this material looks sort of… less expensive than I want it to, and what’s more, did she stuff her bra? I know Marion is capable of plumping them up like Thanksgiving turkeys, but history shows they’re not always that way, so why do they look so weird and lopsided and swollen under this dress? I’m sure they’re lovely and non-lopsided and normal in real life, so what’s up with the Pamela Anderson effect here?
That being said… I can’t decide if I hate the dress. Why? Because I am fond of her, and I think she elevates outfits I ordinarily might reject. What to do? How to feel? It’s Friday, it’s been a loooooooong week, and I am out of Diet Coke. So I need you to decide for me.
Marion Cotillard’s beautiful big eyes are my favorite feature of hers. So I’m bummed that they’re lost in everything else that’s going on here:
I’m not merely referring to the giant leather dust-ruffle she is using as underwire, but also to the shaggy banged ‘do and bright lipstick. Even the peekaboo shoes are conspiring to draw attention away from her pretty, pretty face. Hell, this whole outfit is something you would ask a lady to wear if you suspected she were secretly Medusa. No fear of anyone turning to stone on this day, that’s for sure, which is good because that fate is really not convenient for me right now.
Can I just say that if Marion Cotillard here wasn’t being photographed at every premieres for Inception, I would have no idea she’s even in the movie. I don’t think she’s in the commercial at all. Have the marketing masterminds of the world decided that we don’t care about sassy French actresses? I suppose Ellen Page is considered more of a draw — you know, for those superfans of her Cisco ads.
But at least Marion’s making up for her lack of commercial air time by showing up places looking damn good. I actually think there’s some ancient French proverb about that.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello. I’m Leonardo DiCaprio. Remember when I was like the Robert Pattinson of the late 90s? Boy, am I glad that’s over. Now I get to make artistically respected movies, and then people kind of forget I exist unless I’m out promoting one, which means I can go to the market without getting trampled by sobbing teens. That reminds me, one of these days I have to tell you about the time that I met Fug Girl Jessica at UCLA’s Spring Carnival, back in the day before Titanic, and how awesome I was to her roommate, who was in love with me at the time, and how this is the way Jessica ended up having a picture of me with her college roommate (we are wearing, coincidentally, matching tops) in her college scrapbook. Yeah. That’s right. I’m awesome.
MARION COTILLARD: I’m also awesome. I mean, no one involved in the making of this blog has ever met me to verify this, but…you know. I SEEM fabulous.
MARION: What are you insinuating?
LEO: I’m not sure about all of this that you’re wearing. It MIGHT be good. It might be weird. It might be weird, but good on YOU because, you know. The French thing helps.
MARION: That’s not very constructive criticism.
LEO: Yeah, it’s Friday. That’s as good as you get, babe.
I know Marion Cotillard is edgy and whatnot, but there is usually something pleasurably girly about her risks.
This just feels falsely infused with rebellion — kind of like Kristen Stewart plus Taylor Momsen times Rihanna, divided by The Matrix and Sandy from Grease. None of which makes a very compelling argument for using math outside of school.