The good news is, I like this 100 percent better than I liked Marion’s Globes dress.
Fugger: Marion Cotillard
But — and maybe this is just Figure Skating Fever gripping me, what with the U.S. Championships having been on recently and the Olympics coming up, and the fact that I’m trying to convince Jessica that she has time to take on the monster task of a Skating Costume Fug Omnibus because SWEET FANCY PANTS there is some hilarity out there and she would do it the most justice — I do find myself wondering if she’s going to take three steps and then we’ll heart the strains of The Nutcracker Suite as Scott Hamilton goes “And here comes her toughest combination, a triple flip into a triple toe,” and Sandra Bezic will mention that the new scoring system is confusing and then Tom Hammond will say something really obvious like, “The ice is icy,” and then we’ll cut to Dick Button after the routine ends and he’ll go, “Well, that was… pleasant.”
None of which HAS to be a bad thing.
Oh, MARION. What is going ON WITH YOU?
The tan lines on your torso! The unblended bronzer at your hairline! The corset! The skirt that implies your navel and your crotch are raining golf leaf! Which actually might be lovely, if a) it matched at all, or b) it was true!
Are you okay? Did you lose a bet with a French morning-radio shock-jock? Is the Parisian Howard Stern cackling with glee at himself because his machinations have resulted in you hitting our shores with a trunk full of wackitude? If so, may I punch him before the Oscars and call it even? Because I hate scratching my head this much. And you do NOT want to make an enemy of my scalp. Trust.
This is a scrolldown, for me. Or as the French might say, le scrolldown.
The green color is striking, and I like the architecture of the top. But although I am sure that is a very expensive and carefully sewn lace detail over her upper thigh, it looks like Marion’s dress split in the limo and we’re getting an illicit peek at her support hose. Maybe someone added it because the original frock was slit Up To There and Marion wisely decided her Cotillard risked making an appearance. But when I look at your dress and think, “Oh, Marion, Spanx a lot for giving me something to write about,” things have gone awry.
I’m having a little trouble with this one, and it boils down to the sleeve.
More often than not, I find myself rejecting the mono-sleeve. I don’t entirely know why; often I think it’s because the sleeve becomes an overdone play on volume, to the point of distraction. But my first reaction here is how cute Marion Cotillard looks, even though HER sleeve seems to have a weird sash piece over it. Why is that? Is it the dress? Is it Marion? If a Kardashian were wearing this, or one of the dreaded “Real” “Housewives,” would I feel similarly torn or would I be going whole-hog with the cracks about whether her right arm lost the coin toss and got stuck carrying the reserve parachute? Have at the mono-sleeve concept in the comments, but first: