Fugger: Sandra Bullock

All About Fug

Aug 27, 2009 By Jessica AT 9:18 am

Things I Know About Sandra Bullock:

  1. She seems awesome and normal in interviews and hardly ever does annoying celebrity shit like talk about how we’d all feel better if we only ate foods that are blue, or how we should buy a $5000 pilates machine for our home gyms, because it’s an investment in ourselves.
  2. She’s in amazing shape in The Proposal.
  3. How fun is Speed? Come on, you guys! If the bus slows down, it’ll explode! Crazy!
  4. She is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
  5. Seriously. This sucks. Sometimes I hate an outfit, but I can see how some people would love it, or at least be convinced that they ought to love it, and sometimes I love stuff that other people hate, or I allow myself to be convinced. But:
  6. NO.
  7. To the point that I wonder if she’s wearing this as a gag.
  8. Because her hair looks like it was by someone ON speed (see what I did there?).
  9. And the frock looks like two cocktail dresses glued together by a Project Runway contestant who picked the wrong week to start sniffing said glue.
  10. Like, seriously. Did she pull that skirt on OVER another dress?
  11. No, I really am asking.
  12. The shoes, Sandy. Not tonight. Not ever, really. But really not tonight. Maybe with…no.
  13. I can see in your eyes that you feel it, too — your hot messitude. It’s okay, girl. You can go home and wipe your tears on $100 bills and then, because you’re charmingly normal, you’ll just set them on the bedside table to dry so you can still use them.
  14. Maybe to buy another dress? Just think about it.

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Fug The Cover: Sandra Bullock

Jul 2, 2009 By Heather AT 9:45 am

I find Sandra Bullock a bit fabulous. Once, I saw her at a hockey game with her husband, and they randomly were sitting next to Kid Rock and his Pammy-lite date having a gay old time in totally arena-appropriate casual clothes, and she and Jesse helped out a kid who took a puck to the head by getting him some water or something — I don’t know, the memory is fuzzy, as if maybe it was ME that got walloped on the head — and the whole thing was endearing. She seems like she’d be incredibly fun to go get a beer and some BBQ with, while we talk about how jumpsuits are stupid and maybe get shouty over some sports on the TV and end up having to call cabs home because, oops, that was one too many pitchers of Shiner Bock.

So I wish this cover had done her more justice:

[Photo: Splash News]

At least UK In Style agrees that I’d like to grab a meal with her, but is this really the best picture of Sandra’s face? There is something so aggressive and overly intense about it. Like she was on a break during the photo shoot, and the photographer came up to her and said, “Look, I’m having a really bad day — I just ate a cat for breakfast and I’m pretty sure my underwear is on backwards and my cousin just came back from the dead after a tragic decapitation accident,” and Sandy paused for a sec, hoisted her leg up on a chair, leaned forward and said, “You’re shitting me, right?” And of course then the photographer would scream with joy and snap a photo, because clearly that mixture of barely suppressed revulsion, confusion, disbelief, and one squished boob is SO 2009.

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Oscar Fugshion: Pocket Watch

Mar 8, 2006 By Heather AT 6:34 am

I love pockets. I use mine all the time. Much as I am hooked on cute purses, sometimes it’s just easier to jam some cash and an ID into your trousers and not have to worry about, say, leaving your purse in the car, or under your dinner table, or the windowsill at Union Station during a fairly high-traffic time of day. Not that any of these things has happened to me.

However, there’s a reason evening gowns don’t have pockets. Two reasons, actually.

1. Sandra Bullock.

2. Amy Adams

Look at them: Amy and her pretty hair, her pretty smile, and her pretty eyes, and that bizarre breastplate thing on the front of her dress; and Sandy, whose gown has that strange black-mesh stuff that looks like lining gone badly awry, but who has grown into her face with age and looks a lot better now that her tattooed biker husband is making her love herself enough to eat (take notice, starlets). In short, these women, depsite some torso-related dress-design oddities, are lovely.

And yet, they are unable to resist the temptation of the pocket, so they’re standing there with their hands jammed into their skirts. It looks ridiculous. It’s the sartorial equivalent of smacking one’s chewing gum, which makes even the most sophisticated Wrigley addict look like a cow chewing cud. So stop cudding yourselves, ladies, and resist the allure of the headline-grabbing gown pocket that will, in the end, grab you in its awkward clutches.

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