Fugger: Taylor Swift

American Music Awards Fug Everything: Taylor Swift

Nov 22, 2010 By Jessica AT 12:00 pm

“Hey guys,

“Thanks so much for giving me this award for Serious Grown-Up Mature Boring Achievement. Now that I’m ‘dating’ Jake Gyllenhaal, I realize that I need to appear older and more sedate than my chronological age implies or it seems sort of creepy — or it would, if I were actually going out with him, which I am not, except for I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. Aren’t you glad it’s him and not John Mayer, though? Although I actually WAS hooking up with John Mayer and Jake and I are just going on hay rides for OK! photographers. And, um, we’re also in love. Yes, I forgot that part. Anyway. Yes, now I am an adult. A serious adult. A serious adult who dresses seriously and has an album out right now and is dating Jake Gyllenhaal and has put aside childlike things: 

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Well Played, Taylor Swift

Nov 10, 2010 By Heather AT 10:00 am

Sparkles aren’t new for Taylor, but at least this seems more adult than the glittery nude, silver, or gold princess gowns she usually picks — and I mean “adult” in a nice, transitional way, not Betty White-aged but rather a smidge more sophisticated and appropriate for a girl who allegedly just wrote a song about how she hooked up with John Mayer, who is in his thirties:

But, see, do I LIKE it, really? Or am I just afraid that if I DON’T like it, she’s going to write a song called, “Dear Blogger,” in which she wails all about how we were so close and we took long walks down the red carpet together and she thought I was The One, and now she thinks I’m an evil, rotten, heart-slashing jackwagon who preys on the innocent?
No. I am pretty sure it’s good on her, basic thought it may be. Sheathe your pen, Taylor (and for what it’s worth, you too, John Mayer, in a more euphemistic sense). I bring peace.
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Fugless

Oct 27, 2010 By Jessica AT 9:00 am

A word to the wise, Taylor Swift:

[Photo: Splash News]

When you’re dating Jake Gyllenhaal — presumably for press — it’s probably in your best interest to avoid aping the Yellow Dress/Red Shoes combo so strongly associated with Reese Witherspoon, the most famous blonde who recently dated Jake Gyllenhaal presumably for press. You’re adorable, and this is cute enough, but we all know Reese Withersoon, and you, darling, are no Reese Witherspoon.

That being said, I’m looking forward to hearing your song, “I’m No Reese Witherspoon,” and I suggest the following rhymes: “bearding buffoon,” “troublesome pantaloon,”  and, in ode to our Intern, “Love the Cloon(s).”  You can feel free to make the check out to The Fug Girls.

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Well Played, Taylor Swift

Sep 29, 2010 By Jessica AT 2:00 pm

I have to say, it’s possible that I am enamored by this because the photo is sort of great:

[Photo: Splash News]

I feel like her wistful expression speaks volumes. I don’t know what she’s actually thinking, of course — it could very well be, “I wish I hadn’t had four donuts for breakfast,” or “I wonder where I put my copy of Valley of the Dolls,” or, “goddamn, I can NOT lose these photographers. I want to move to Guam.” Regardless, she looks grown-up, and retro, and I think that works for her. At any rate, it sure is a nice change from Sparkly Twee Taylor — whom I was also fond of, admittedly — and a very, VERY welcome break from Kanye-Shaming Taylor.

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NY Fug.com: The Scary, Sorry Sartorial Devolution of Taylor Momsen

Jul 1, 2010 By Jessica AT 12:30 pm

Do you want to cry? Then check out the slideshow we wrote for NY Mag about T.Mom’s downward clothing spiral — which is particularly alarming when viewed all at one go:

“This coif dealt the first blow to Taylor’s image. It’s a crime against
nature, humanity, and above all, hair. Taylor looks like she did it
herself with nail scissors. While blindfolded.”

But you should see what she’s wearing WITH that hair. Kids today, you guys. And by kids, I specifically mean TAYLOR MOMSEN. SERIOUSLY. WHERE ARE HER PARENTS? Etc etc.

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CMT Awards: Well Played, Taylor Swift

Jun 11, 2010 By Heather AT 12:00 pm

This is such a different look for Taylor, I almost didn’t think it was her:

Obviously there are no absolutes; she doesn’t ALWAYS dress one particular way. But it sure feels like she shows up at ninety percent of awards shows in something glittery, often either strapless or cap-sleeved and floor-length, and nude, silver, or gold, with a wavy, loose updo. So the adorable, youthful red dress — the belt arm-straps are a nifty tie-in with the shoes — is unexpected and refreshing, like finding a cooler of Diet Coke on your doorstep the day your air-conditioning breaks. Although that has never happened to me, I imagine it would be pure bliss: free Diet Coke, and an excuse to leave town on an extended vacation due to untenable working conditions. If anyone sees me taking a hammer to my central a/c, please don’t tell Jessica. Thanks in advance.

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