Charfuglette Ronson

With nearly every trend I bemoan on this website, there comes a point where I just throw up my hands and am all, “oh, fine. Fine! Wear your leggings/romper/jumpsuit. It’s your funeral” and then I move on with my life. You know, the emotion transforms from aggressive-aggression to passive-aggression and it’s better for everyone.

But I swear to you, here and now, that never never NEVER never NEVER NEVER never never never shall I shrug my shoulders over (p)leather pleated Mom shorts. They don’t even make sense: leather and shorts do not go together. Just because one is a material and the other an article of clothing does not mean that they should unite. We aren’t wearing rubber culottes, or lace hip-waders or chiffon bullet-proof vests (don’t get any ideas). But more importantly: THESE ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE ON ANYONE. Not the skinny hipster, not the curvaceous bombshell, not the tomboy, not the drama queen, not the girl-next-door, not even Angelina Jolie. THEY. ARE. UNFLATTERING. THEY ARE A CRIME AGAINST YOUR THIGHS. WHAT THEY DO TO YOUR BELLY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED ASSAULT. And they — like the swine flu — are only mutating into a stronger trend, readers. FIGHT THEM. FIGHT THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT. Do NOT look at them with a cocked brow and think, “maybe I should get these.” NO. NO YOU SHOULD NOT. You will REGRET IT. You will look at photos of yourself wearing them and say, “WHAT WAS I THINKING?” and then you will cry. CRY! Wear your rompers, wear your leggings, jump around in your jumpsuits. RESIST THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS. I beg of you FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, SWEET READERS. RESIST!

Also, those shoes are terrible.