Dare to Fug Me

Jul 18, 2008 By Jessica AT 9:40 am

LINDSAY! You’re BACK! I mean, other than in tabloids that are breathlessly wondering if you might be gay because you’ve been seen canoodling with a woman! Multiple times! A woman with whom you live! And with whom you hold hands and buy groceries and have dinner and to whom you blow kisses when you leave the house for work! And whose last name you have adopted on your MySpace! (You do know that you can legally adopt it in California now, right? I mean, not to push you into anything before you’re ready, but imagine the magazine covers you’d get if you got married! I’m just saying!!!!1!!!) I can’t IMAGINE what all these things MEAN, but you’re ALSO almost wearing a gay pride flag made into a shirt as a dress!

With a FEDORA! That might have fake hair attached to it! I don’t know! I don’t judge, Lindsay! (I mean, I don’t judge your personal life. Well, I guess I did when you were hooking up with some of the more questionable dudes in your past. Also, I DO judge this outfit and I think it’s kind of ugly. Sorry. Good shoes, though.)  I just want to press you to my bosom and reassure you that despite your troubled past, I cherish you and I’m glad you seem to be in a happy and stable relationship at long last! You seem so happy and normal! I’m so relieved, my child! So very relieved!

Okay, deep breath. I’m sorry. I totally almost wrote all that in sparkle font, didn’t I? It turns out I am very pleased to see La Lohan out and about again. I need to get out more, maybe? Although I feel it’s only fair to remind you guys that I have been involved in a very troubled and one-sided fictional relationship with her for years, in which I love her and she goes out and does totally stupid shit, so my enthusiasm at seeing her at an actual event and not at Bristol Farms buying cheese or whatever comes from a storied background of my own personal weirdness. But anyway: Lindsay’s outfit: Ew. Lindsay out and about, without her mother and not stealing cocaine-filled trousers from innocents? AWESOME.

Fug file: Look Into Pants, , ,
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