Diana Fug

It felt good at the time, but in retrospect, Diana Ross will regret screaming at her seamstress, “You’re out of tulle? How are you OUT of TULLE? A woman can’t come floating across dry ice without tulle! People don’t pay to see Diana Ross rise up from the mist like a divine eggplant of destiny in some dull, bullshit satin thing! They want to see her looking like a mountain of royal glory dipped in raspberry dream spice! And as Lionel Richie always told me, THERE IS NO RASPBERRY DREAM SPICE WITHOUT TULLE. So I don’t care if you have to sew some ratty-ass tutus onto a bedskirt. I don’t care if you have to skin Bobby Trendy to do it. MAKE IT HAPPEN.”