Elise Fug

When I was on vacation recently, I saw a girl out on the town wearing a strapless denim jumpsuit that came right up under her boobs, buttoned all the way down to her crotch, and ended somewhere north of her ankles. I thought to myself, “If only she were famous — then I would take a picture of this and put it on GFY.” ]

Well, actually, in all honesty, the first thing I thought was, “SWEET JESUS, NO, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING, THAT IS SO UNFLATTERING! GOD, I NEED A DIET COKE.” And after wrestling momentarily with the loophole that that she could have been locally famous, and thereby eligible, I gave up and kept walking on my thirsty way, not wanting to devote any more of my day to that accursed denim beast.

Plus, I knew it would only be a matter of time before I saw it again and I needed to preserve my strength.

[Photo: Splash News]

This one’s slightly different, but the insidious spirit is the same. Although I admit, I expected to see it on Fergie, an established fan of high-waisted misbehavior, and not the adorable Elise Neal. I am not sure what evil miscreant decided to tell girls that squeezing your ass and thighs and all your other lovely curves into what amounts to denim sausage-casing would be a wonderful, wise thing. I kind of want to throw a shaving-cream pie in that person’s face. When I look at this photo, I think, “Aw, she seems happy. That won’t last once she walks past a mirror. Or tries to sit down and loses all circulation through her midriff. And then realizes there’s no room in that thing for her to sit down and have a snack. And then passes out.” See? Only sad endings come with pants like these.