Evan Fugchel Wood

Apparently, Dita Von Teese and her skull-raping pearl galaxy were at the same event as Evan Rachel Wood — a.k.a. I Dated Marilyn Manson Right After Dita Did And Kind Of Turned Myself Into Her. Awkward.

I hope they bumped into each other. I imagine if they had, Evan might have said, “I’m interested to hear if your headpiece thinks Pluto should be a planet,” and then Dita probably said, “How nice that you obviously bought your caftan from someone’s Etsy store.”

[Photos: Splash News]

And then Evan would be all, “Like I care what you think, ANDROMEDA,” and Dita would say, “If I tug your cord, does a butler come running to bring us tea?”  Evan would stick her nose up in the air and say, “It worked with our ex-boyfriend,” and then Dita would be like, “Oh, no you did NOT, pipsqueak — you do NOT get to insult me when you are wearing this much fringe,” and then Evan would turn around:

And Dita would go, “Seriously, this isn’t the Old West.” Then Evan would shout, “Well, your BRAIN answers the question about whether there is intelligent life in this galaxy: NO!” And then they’d start a catfight and tear each other’s hair out before one of them realizes that neither of them is dating Marilyn Manson any more and that makes them BOTH winners and then they hug and get a cocktail.