(1) RIHANNA vs. (16) JESSICA SIMPSON

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
RIHANNA: Hello, Jessica… ica… ica… a… a… a…
J.SIMP: Hi, Rihanna. Nice to see you. I can’t believe I’m here. Should I be happy that I beat my sister, or depressed because what I beat her at is looking terrible?
RIHANNA: Both. But let’s talk about you. I hear you’re having some trouble getting dressed… essed… essed… d… d… d.
J.SIMP: Not really! What I’d rather talk about is how much I want to marry–
RIHANNA: No, girl. You are having trouble. Here is your problem: You are not being creative enough. If you’re going to wear something ugly, and let’s face it, you ARE, then you need to take it twenty steps further.
J.SIMP: But can’t we just discuss Tony Romo’s Twitter–
RIHANNA: No. Look at yourself, see? That is a bad jumpsuit. Totally boring-awful. But THIS jumpsuit…
[Photo: WENN.com]
(8) CHRISTINA HENDRICKS vs. (9) JANUARY JONES
In a smackdown between these two ladies’ Mad Men characters, my money is squarely on Christina’s Joan. Oh, sure, icy Betty could get a few frosty smacks in here and there, but Joan could knock her on her ass with a cock of the brow and a sassy word. But what of January vs. Christina? Let’s take a look at them in one of their very favorite sartorial millieux: black.
January picked a fringe vest last seen on Dolly Parton’s reject pile.
Meanwhile, Christina here is sporting a look from a pivotal emotional scene in a movie called Dude, Where’s My Prozac?, all about how depressing it is for Rapunzel to be stuck up in that tower with no way of going shopping for shirts that don’t show her bra.
So far it’s a pretty even heat. Let’s see what January’s next strike is:
Aha! It’s the old “If I Dress My Head Like A Sushi Roll, No One Will Notice My Wrinkled Gown” gambit. Alas, it failed.
Your move, Christina:
With her fondness for caps and inability to understand the Hemline Sciences, I’d say this qualifies Christina for an audition to play Snow White’s eighth dwarf, Stumpy.
We could let them duke it out all day, but instead, let’s let them rest for a second and vote one of them into the second round:
(5) LEONA LEWIS vs. (12) JULIANNE MOORE
Leona Lewis has made an admirable push in the first quarter of 2010 to earn herself this high seed. I hope she enjoys the fruits of her labor, although I should warn her, they do rot quickly and have been known to stain. Still, congratulations, Leona. All you did has not gone unnoticed.
Her home planet has noticed as well, though, so she’d better be home by midnight; otherwise, her fairy zogmater will turn this dress back into the copper-chocotraz Fluulkin that it used to be.
I am not sure intergalactic fashion shenanigans can explain this one though:

I’m unclear why her waist needed a chastity belt, though. And the pattern photographs like peeling paint; further, the fabric hanging behind her widens her so tragically and unnecessarily. If I may pilfer from and paraphrase the motto of Jebediah Springfield, “An ignoble cape embiggens the smallest waist.”
And there’s more:
Oh, LADIES. You both wound me. Leona’s is so Blanche Devereaux Goes To The Beach With An Eligible Mustachioed Septuagenarian, and Julianne’s just makes me want to cry into a plate of ketchup. Since we went ahead and anointed an eighth dwarf, let’s invite a ninth to the party: Droopy. Either lady in either outfit above could apply.
(4) KATE HUDSON vs. (13) KATERINA GRAHAM
The first time this photo surfaced, I could barely believe it was Kate Hudson.
I mean, she is KATE HUDSON. Why is she wearing something purloined from Diane Sawyer’s closet? Nothing against Diane Sawyer. She seems like a fun lady. I just think it’s a bit early for Kate Hudson to be renting property in the crepe slacks demographic.
At least Katerina Graham (The Vampire Diaries) is acting her age:
Unfortunately, in her dictionary, “acting her age” apparently translates to, “Dress as though you’re attending a fly-fishermen gala fundraiser. And doubly tragic is the fact that if Lindsay Lohan catches sight of this, I have a sneaking suspicion she might jump Katerina and purloin the clothes for herself, because you know she’s mad she didn’t think of open-backed waders first.
Speaking of things that are unfortunate:

[Photo: WENN.com]
I would suggest that Kate’s animal-print jumpsuit makes her look cougarrific, were that not an affront to cougars of the world.
[Photo: Splash News]
Of course, Katerina’s ensemble is an affront to bras, lipstick, tongues, Dime Pieces, and the alphabet. I wish I could get both of these women affront of a mirror. HA. ZING. I’ll be here all week, folks! No, really, I will. We’re not even halfway through the brackets yet.















Comments (483):
I went with Kate on the mini-floral dress with UGGs alone. The fact that 50% of her wardrobe is white dresses was just a bonus Fug vote.
Katerina is 20! 20! Let her be a fashion fool for a bit- Hudson should know better.
Ohhhh Kate, you have had years of fuggery and yet you still haven’t figured it out. Girl needs a stylist. Katerina’s just finding her style (I hope it gets crazier!).
I was once told that “you can never go wrong with a black dress”. From the pictures above, it’s obvious this statement is untrue!
Also, while I appreciated the JSimp/Rhianna conversation above, I cannot wait for the Jennifer Lopez dialogue tomorrow.
Cannot wait!!
20 is old enough to know better.
I second Alisa’s sentiment – I cannot WAIT for the J.Lo dialogue! Also, my round 1 fug picks are doing *really* well. I’m so excited.
What got me about Leona’s first dress is that it somehow makes her look like she has no feet.
My eyes are burning and we’re not even halfway done!? I’ll be pissed and blind by Saturday.
This seems like the weakest bracket. I voted for January Jones over Christina Hendricks simply because I think Christina is such a hottie (in spite of her struggle to find the right hemline). Realistically I dont think either of them is super-fug. Kate Hudson is hit or miss, I think she has had a lot of good moments this year, but that floral dress with uggs combo is ROUGH. Katerina’s chin guards were impressive, but thats really all she has had this year.
shin*
I’m looking forward to J.Lo as well, it’ll be a blast. Although I think Kate deserves a place with the fugs. She’s trying so hard.
The Rihanna v. J Simp bout was so tough to call. Seriously. It’s the intentional crazy v. the unintentional boring and terrible. But I had to go with J Simp.
And I can’t believe K Hud is getting more votes. The cougar jumpsuit, people? Come on!
I had to vote for Kate. She wore a wedding dress to the Golden Globes for goodness sake.
I had to buck the consensus on this one. While Rihanna’s fug may be epic, it’s no match for those cut-off shorts.
The cut-off shorts, y’all!! They’re like anti-Prozac. Seeing them creates a clingy, filmy layer of despair on my eyeballs.
So it begins.
RiRi emerges, here to dispose of Jessica the Rodeo Clown with one fell … what the grandfather clock is that on your butt, girl? An ostrich plume???
Son of a sea cook and bottle washer! Our girl Rihanna certainly busts it out hardcore when she goes for Fug, doesn’t she?
As much as I wanted to consider the other three Fugs mere sideshows, I am LOVING these:
1) The Mad Men Match of Black is really no contest. I love Christina, we all love Christina, like the fabulous sister/ doppelganger-in-heaven we never had … but the fact remains that no one in the world knows how to dress her slammin’ curves. Here, she simply squishes poor bitty Bets/January, like the wee blond bug of Fug she is. (And I am looking forward to another day of Christina photos.)
2) I find it hard to believe that Leona is beating Julianne. Julianne has no sense of style whatsoever. Her big ol’ smile gives the game away: She’s all, “What? I’m wearing clothes? Wow, news to me. I’m just happy to be standing upright.”
3) As much as I thought this was Kate’s Fuggiest year, and as little as I know about her opponent, that girl Katerina is rocking stuff I haven’t thought about wearing since the last time I painted a house. You can’t beat a Fug like that.
I had to vote for Kate H. Tired of all the white, and yes, I’ll admit it, she just bugs me. She does the same awful rom-coms over and over again, usually starring that greasy Matthew McConnaughy.
I had to go with J. Simp for the same reason I went for Bryce Dallas Howard over Lady Gaga — there’s intentional crazy/fug and then there’s just sad unintentional crazy/fug.
Katerina’s stiletto/cricket shin-guard shoe-boots are making my head all twitchy.
I must remain calm and wait patiently for CHICKEN CUTLETS, who is really the be-all and end-all for me, Fug-wise.
went with kate over katerina…all the white lately reeks of bride lust…plus that other girl is a young upstart without the resources kate should have
went with julianne “bore” over leona lewis too…but i am willing to admit my judgement may have been clouded by my distaste for her in general
I had to go with Rihanna for sure in the first one. I feel that J.Simp is just a poor girl who has put on a few pounds and doesn’t know what to do with it so she ignores it. Rihanna is just plain ol’ nutz.
I love Christina and I love Joan as well but I just had to vote for her. Her outfits are baaad!! And there must be something that fits her boobs just fine..
How is January losing?! I would also vote Christina if it was based on the pics in this entry alone; but if you look through JJ’s archives, she has a lot more fug than fab.
much like last year, i choose to celebrate the SWINTON-like deliberate crazy over the tragically unable.
Hence i chose JSimp over RiRi because let’s face it- RiRi is crazy-awesome-fabulous. JSimp is sad/needs help & hugs. Jessica just needs some help. RiRi makes deliberate choices that reflect her style and art and then rocks them with confidence. If only JSimp could do the same!
Christina vs. January was a hard one. I voted the former because homegirl got a boob job but doesn’t know how to dress it!
Kate Hudson’s jumpsuit is truly heinous. Like, the worst piece in this entire post.
Jess and RiRi are a good match – both abused by the press, so neither is potentially in their right mind when dressing. But Rihanna has been shown what actually looks good on her and still chooses to wear a bunny tail and a windsurfing sail in public. Winner.
Christina Hendricks – get thee to a designer and have proper clothing built for your fabulous self. Sorry girl, winner.
While Julianne is being styled to death by famous labels, QF (questionably famous) Leona is wearing a mix of crazy/someone sent this and “I think it looks fine” in public. No. Just no. Winner.
Kate Hudson has momma’s genes, so she can pull off a whole lotta crazy, but lovely Katerina chose to wear hockey goalie shin guards with a skirt – and that my friends, is unforgivable. Katerina – Winner.
Rihanna is a formidable opponent for anyone, I predict she will go far. Leona there apparently hasn’t heard the adage “a little [gold/lame/shine/ruffle] goes a long way,” so outfugs Julianne, whose prettiness and glow often cause me to forgive her fug (the kimono crazy came close to losing me). Now the Kate/Katerina debacle was a tad more difficult as I deplore boots that look like weapons and I despise wording on T-shirts that is basically illegible. And don’t get me started on Kate’s jumpsuit, oops, too late! Voted Katerina.
Katerina Graham wore that most stunning yellow dress, which cancels out any and all fug. That was one gorgeous, gorgeous gown! Kate Hudson…meh…white, skin-tight dress…she’s fug.
I agree with Kait, the Mad Men women barely belong. Rihanna, on the other hand, is amazingly fugtastic.
I think next year the Fug Girls should make a ruling that stage costumes be excluded as an example of fuggery. What a performer wears on stage may serve to 1) enhance, surprise or entertain or 2) distract from lack of talent. But it’s in a different category from stepping out at the Grammys or going shopping knowing the ‘razzis will be there and wearing a cobweb. That’s fuggery. It should not be a contest between actual bad taste and I’m dressed as a trout so nobody notices I can’t sign a note without Autotune.
With the exception of the Christina/January match up, I went with the woman who really should have known better.
C/J was tough, but I voted for Christina based on that last outfit. Schlump, indeed.
I had to go with Kate on this one because her fug is so consistent and so high profile. I have seen so much of Kate’s fugged-up fashions this year. Kat G.’s fug was cracked-out fug but I expect more from an A-lister like Kate who has (or should have) a stylist at her disposal. But it looks like that upstart Kat G. is kicking ass on her way to taking names, so maybe next year Kate.
Christina easily wins because she had this bodacious body she just does not know how to dress. Jan’s fug is boring but with a better fit.
Leona is pretty in a bland way but so so so very fug when it comes to dressing herself — and girl, find a shade of lipstick that works with your skin tone. It aint’ that hard.
And Jessica, you win for me because although Rhianna’s fug is wacktastic she is working it. Why? Because it FITS, damnit! And its interesting. Jess you fug is boring, sad, and makes me think it is a reflection of your personality. Listen to RiRi, Jess, and don’t be that girl.
A vote for Jessica is a vote for building her confidence. Vote Jessica, my fellow fug-lovers.
Jessica for the win. Why? RiRi is dressing her strange self in a costume, Jessica is not. She really thinks what she is wearing is good. The fug is hers.
Christina has managed to look good at times, but January is always fug. She looks way better in her Betty clothes.
Here’s the thing with Lewis v. Moore — and the thing is the reason why I disagree with fug nation’s decision so far — Leona Lewis just looks crazy. Julianne Moore looks crazy & bad. Which there’s no reason for, because she’s very famous, very rich, and very gorgeous. Fug all the way, FTW…here’s hoping the votes turn around!
People, people, look at January’s past actions! Christina has some missteps, because people are all like, oh, god, she’s a normal looking person (albeit a GORGEOUS one), she weighs more then 5 pounds, we can’t do a THING with her, but January, for such a beautiful and tiny person, looks like someone on her style team HATES her because how can she treat Don Draper like that? I also had to go for Rhianna, because at this point, she has to be trying to look that bad, Jessica is sad, but try fuggdom comes from the crazy.
The Julianne Moore/Leona Lewis matchup was super tough. Leona got my vote simply because Julianne’s main problem is poor fit/lack of support.
Julianne, it’s called a bra. Look into it please. I love you too much to see you droop so.
Voting for Christina physically pained me, but I am apparently in the minority in thinking JJ’s headband dress wasn’t that bad. I can only hopedthat Christina Hendricks hears our pleas and comes out next year looking like she should, which is awesome.
I just can’t in good faith vote Christina Hendricks as fugly, sure she’d be better looking if she didn’t wear any clothes half the time, but when she gets it right she gets it soooo right. And I don’t want to bring up the body issue, Christina has an awesome body BUT when doing a comparison with January Jones I feel Christina should get the benefit on that. I mean how can January Jones not find flattering slothes?!?!? She’s like a perfect sample size, a classic blond and still under 30
also, why is Juliane Moore in the competition, not even in the lowest seeding, yet there wasn’t room for both simpsons?!?!? booo-urns to that
Voting for Christina physically pained me, but I am apparently in the minority in thinking JJ’s headband dress wasn’t that bad. I can only hopedthat Christina Hendricks hears our pleas and comes out next year looking like she should, which is awesome.
I have compassion for Leona Lewis, but Juliette loks just honkin’ nuts. Poor Jess needs a break, but I have no compassion for Ri-Ri and her dang huge feet! The mad-girls are indifferent, so stumpy red for the win. And Goldie’s daughter can get it right once in a while, the young gal’s body of work, so far, is full of fug. I LOVE FUG MADNESS! It takes the sting away from my soaps being preempted…
Further proof that money can’t buy you everything, including fashion sense.
I don’t mind voting for Christina because I want that woman to find a decent stylist who actually knows how to dress her. Ditto for Julianne Moore. Both of those women are so beautiful, they should look amazing every time I see them. May my single vote push them closer to that!
I had to go with Kate because she’s Hollywood Royalty. SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW!
HOW IS HUDSON LOSING?!
Also, I really, really REALLY hope that it comes down to SWINTON and RiRi. That is some spectacularrrrr fug.
I’m not feeling it in this bracket – but J. Simp, because even her nickname sounds like fug – and Julianne Moore for that pink thing which looks like she’s starring in “Pepto-Bismol: Adventures Through the Large Intestine”
I just got to ask: what the fug is Christina Hendricks even doing here? She may have some teeny-tiny small fugs here and there but she isn’t fug altogether.
Poor Jessica, I can’t help but feel that her fugs are bad advice from people who should know better. However, I hold Rihanna personally responsible for her mess. She owns her look, but Jessica seems uncomfortable in most of the fugs she wears.
You know, it’s very, very difficult to find something that looks good when you have breasts as large as Christinas.
I don’t get why Rihanna is winning. Rihanna wants to look cray cray on the other hand Jessica thinks she looks cute and sexy. Simpson FTW! (I can’t believe I just wrote that)
The last two were the toughest to decide, but in the end, I had to give it to Katerina for the backless waders. Woof!
God, I love RiRi. She is SO NUTTY. In a good way.
aaargh. so difficult. but i have come to a decision. the fug crown is not for the SWINTON’s, GAGA’s and RIRI’s of this world who are deliberately, fiercely and fabulously fugged out. It is for those who are, as Lola says, tragically unable. Because after all aren’t we here in a benevolent capacity? – to save these people from themselves? to get the lovely ms. hendricks and the pitiable j.simp to stop hiding their lights under a bushell of fug? fugmadness is essentially an intervention. to ask riri or gaga or Queen SWINTON to tone it down would be to remove something wonderful from the world – and i suspect fugnation does not want that.
I was so torn between whether or not to vote for Hendricks over Jones. I do love her and want to create a time machine so that I can travel to the 1960s with only her MadMen wardrobe and kickass hair colour as my guide. Yet, what she does to her body is a crime, against her body, all women’s bodies, breasts in general… so for that crime, does she deserve to be a) punished and sent forward in the brackets or b) punished and left behind?
Leona Lewis FTW, purely on the basis that she once managed to wear an outfit that required the post to be titled FUGSUITS GALORE. i mean, what more does one need in life.
I LOVE FUG MADNESS!!
RIRI VS. J-SIMP: This one was the easiest…RiRi all the way.
CHRISTINA VS. JANURARY: Too close to normally call, I went with January because at least Christina had two well-playeds, and January had none.
LEONA VS. JULIANNE: I went with Julianne because she should know better, but another close one.
KATE VS. KATERINA: Putting my personal feelings of disdain for Kate Hudson aside, I went through the archives and looked at the evidence. Still had to give it to Kate, because again, she should know better.
And is it just me, but are there some SERIOUSLY close match-ups here, especially in the Charo (cuchi-cuchi) bracket? And this is only round one, people! We will all be bald by the time we reach the finals from having to debate ourselves over which fug fugged fuggier and pulling out our hair in the process. At least we would be able to identify fellow members of FugNation.
Has anybody else noticed that the ENTIRE CAST of Mad Men look SO MUCH BETTER on the show than in real life. In my mind its a testament to the sad state of contemporary fashion. How does Xtina Hendricks look so so so so so sexy on the show and always kind of look like a clown/sex doll in ‘real life.’
Riri has to win this year. Because everytime I see her I think: girl, time to ditch that gay stylist, he is living vicariously through you.
Oh how I wish I had a fairy zogmater!
That made me laugh like a seal.
J. Simp is among the most atrocious dressers in Hollywood, in that she can’t dress to flatter her lovely figure and her choices are straight up REDNECK!
But, I just CAN’T bring myself to vote for her. Its like kicking a sick puppy: her career is in a slump and the lady is generally well meaning, but ignorant and dumb as a brick!
I really don’t think she realizes just how badly she dresses.
An intervention is needed. But, not in the form of a Fug Madness Crown!
Leave that to more worldly shoulders. Like, Riri’s!
RIHANNA v. JESSICA SIMPSON: Had to go with Rihanna on this one as there is absolutely nothing inspirational about any of J. Simp’s picks and I’m of the mind that good fug is inspirational. Plus I missed Rihanna last year and it’s good to have her back.
CHRISTINA HENDRICKS v. JANUARY JONES: I might have fallen asleep during this match. Voted Hendricks because I can’t see Jones doing much if she advances whereas the lovely Christina might have another round or two in her.
LEONA LEWIS v. JULIANNE MOORE: Lewis. Yawn. My God, Charo bracket, MOVE ME.
KATE HUDSON v. KATERINA GRAHAM: It was an easy Hudson vote for me, so I’m surprised at the traction Graham seems to have gotten (particularly since I hadn’t paid her any mind at all during the Fug Madness year-long pre-amble). If she does get by Hudson – which would be a ~travesty~ – I can’t see her lasting a whole lot longer, but who knows? I enjoy surprises in a competition of this nature.
That first Julianne Moore dress looks like what Molly Ringwald would have made in Pretty in Pink if there was an Abtronics product placement in the prom scene.
I just don’t think the Rihanna/J. Simp match up is fair. It reminds me of Madonna vs. the girl who sells me cigarettes at the local Citgo. If only the Citgo girl had Madonna’s salary and entourage… Fortunately, it looks as though Rihanna will take the win and face more deserving fugs at a later date.
In regards to Christina Hendricks and Julianne Moore, I had to vote for them because they are simply so ill-served by their fashion choices. Such beautiful women – maybe they’re doing it on our behalf, so as to temper their unmitigated beautify? Either way it’s like sprinkling diamonds on a hot dog. Or something. The other two…eh.
I simply cannot believe that women with so much money and stylists to boot can wear such ghastly ensembles. Is it that everything they wear is given to them so they just wear it anyway? I must admit to fashion faux pas over the decades but they only became faux pas in retrospect. And then they came back in. Like flares and platforms.
I had to vote against Kate Hudson this year, because at least her outfits, while often whackadoodle, are usually not sloppy. SHUDDER. My honorary grandmother once informed me (during an unfortunate awkward teenage phase) that a woman may not be beautiful, slender or rich at any given time in her life, but she can always be GROOMED. Words to live by, ladies. Words to live by.
Additionally, while I hated doing it, I had to fug Christina Hendricks. For a woman who can look incredibly beautiful, she can also look incredibly unfortunate, and (sadly) stumpy. J Jones just looks slightly eccentric next to it.
Re:January vs. Xtina..such pretty pretty ladies. Such fugly, fugly clothes.
maybe katerina was wearing shin guards in fear that the camaro in the picture was going to back into her. the snarky smirk and ridiculous t-shirt in the other pic pushed me over the edge.
Leona’s dress is gorgeous, the light one. And the brown one as well. I don’t know what it is but I don’t like Rihanna’s style, it is sometimes too much for me.
I love Julianne Moore and most of her outfits. She looks very beautiful in this red dress, it fits her hair very well.
Rihanna always rocks. Even if I would never wear what she is wearing I absolutely love her style. She dictates here, the others have to follow.
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