Today is our last day of posting before we take a Christmas break; we’ll be back on Monday, January 4. But we couldn’t leave you without homework! We’re like those teachers who JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND, except that we actually think this might be a fun way to kill time until the new year if you’re stuck at work. And so:
THE PICTURE, PART 1:
[Photos: Splash News]
THE SUBJECT: Hailey Glassman, noted ex-paramour of renowned shithead Jon Gosselin, sporting a shirt by famed purveyor of asshat-wear, Ed Hardy (Christian Audigier’s label).
THE PICTURE, PART II:
THE VENUE: A “celebrity” girl-on-girl boxing event in Pennsylvania, at which the only celebrity in attendance appeared to be Glassman, who refereed. She’s allegedly dating the promoter, and now there are all these rumors that Jon wants to punch him, and it’s essentially a giant serving of Douche Pudding.
THE CHALLENGE: Everyone enjoys a haiku, so let’s play around with those again. We don’t care if they mention nature, or the season, or the name of a fish, or whatever the standard technical haiku rules are. BUT, there is one caveat: Since we’re announcing the winner in 2010, please include the words “new” and “year” somewhere in your poem. Easy-peasy, right? Surely these photos will give you plenty of inspiration. I know they’re almost certainly inspiring the baby Jesus to skip out on Earth altogether and start again in another galaxy.
THE DEADLINE: 10 p.m. on the night of Sunday, January 3.
Have at it, Fug Nation.
Comments (399):
New Year’s brings us closer
To ending her fifteen minutes.
Begone douchey girl!
Ed Hardy’s New Line
Of hooker wrestling gear will
debut this year. Sad.
the ghost of New Year’s 2003
dressed in PJ’s. Referee?
douchebag you will always be.
New pants tight in all
the right places. Crotch display?
Could wear these all year.
Resolution for
the new year– no more J.G.
So why Ed Hardy?
Resolution for
the new year– no more J.G.
So why Ed Hardy?
New Year same horrors
Desp’rate ho’s and pointless Uggs
Apocalypse now?
Year’s fifteen minutes
End with new, nobody douche
Dressing for suck-cess
I banged Jon this year
and all I have now is this
fugly new outfit.
New year, new job girl
Ass-hat man + reffing gigs
equals desperation.
A new look for you!
Flashdance and Uggs and Lavine!
Year–so eighty-six
year ninety-five called
it wants its pants back but says
keep those dumb new boots
Straps that cross the back,
Pants that outline the ass-crack,
The new year begins.
Wearing Jon’s Hardy
discards? Tackiest way to
“ring” in the New Year.
post tiger attack
van halen sleep-over fail
next year wear real shoes.
No. Just no. I won’t
Acknowledge this. Let’s make ’10
A Glassman-free year.
Just looking at these
New pictures, I can smell that
she’s not washed all year
sorry, don’t have a haiku
But is her shirt really tied to her pants at the back? Or worse, is her shirt tied to her pants AND a visible thong?
I need to know!
Ms. Glassman the twerp,
is ready to bring the hurt.
My eyes! It’s her shirt!
The wise men had camels,
but you have camel toe. Please,
a new look this year.
Year of the do rag?
Even Kate’s new hair looks better than
this ridiculousness.
Are those mukluks, or
did you kill a yeti for
new fur boots this year?
Ed Hardy and Uggs?
Why did no one slap this girl?
New Year…Try Harder
Um, clearly, I cannot count out syllables properly, so here is take too
Wise men had camels,
but you have camel toe. Please,
a new look this year.
Year of the do rag?
Even Kate’s new spike hair tops
this ridiculousness.
Are those mukluks, or
did you kill a yeti for
new fur boots this year?
Advice from LiLo:
New girl, this year – skip the shirts.
Wear hole-y bottoms.
Two for the road:
#1
Catfight tore my shirt.
Last year’s sweats don’t hide my thong.
Need new sugar daddy.
#2
Next year, I’ll have
Enough cred for my own show.
Who’s yer daddy now?
(and if you think that’s cheating in #2, I learned it from Governor Schwarzenegger so it so counts.)
Boxing?! Now who wins
Greatest Douche of the Year prize:
Glassman or Gosselin?
Another fame-whore
jumped up but ordinary.
And that ain’t boxing.
The Grinch and Yeti
Died this year to help some tramp
Sport ugly new gear
Here’s a solution
Your New Years resolution –
Garbage your outfit.
Ring in the New Year
With less fashion pollution
the nation thanks you.
Fashion Disaster…
Helpful tip for the New Year
people CAN see you.
Years of trying have paid off.
A new child! Spawn of a tee,
And venetian blinds.
You fail at life. Bye.
No, really. Totally fail.
Happy New Year, now bye.
New year, new career:
Cheap zit-popping, face or back,
No wait. Orange smear extra.
Gross? Yeah, but worse.
This New Years’ resolution:
Vexing vile vixens.
Hey Tiger, this year,
I am queen of the douches!
You are my new king.
Hailey needs a new shirt
It is cold this time of year
Furry boots alone don’t suffice
_______________________________________
Boxing: new attempt this year
Can’t be helped by Ed Hardy gear.
Fifteen minutes lasted too long
Referee Hailey, with your Ho (ho ho) boots…
jump among the players in this chick fight
and show Kate the real way to a NEW ‘do…
no pulling of hair necessary,
just take a little off the (Y)EARS.
Those pants need a punch.
Too bad you’re the referee,
Drunk before New Year’s.
What year is it here?
Because I think Teen Wolf ripped
Your new douchy shirt.
Not haiku.
I have never heard of this woman. Really. And I’ll forget her name in…wait, I already have.
New Year, same story..
Celebrity wrestling…
I wish it were fake.
Years up, Jon is gone
No new kids to ruin my lawn
Got my Hardy on!
Heidi Fleiss knockoff
This years’ model finds new lows
Oy her poor parents
Furry ankles and
camel toe for the new year
The mark of the douche
The front makes me sick
New “celeb” wrestling next year
Turn around, more shit
who needs john gosselin?
I can wear ed hardy with
or without that douche!
So for the new year,
Hailey saw cougar town,
(Not the TV show)
Final Catharsis
Horrid Trends Clash Together
Fresh Fugs For New Year
New year, new look, from
whale tail to doo-rag, boo yah!
It’s Sasquatch couture.
Folded sweats and Uggs?
New Year’s resolution: Hire
Diff’rent stylist, douche.
do the math Hailey
cellulite plus a ripped shirt
equals new year low
Since I already submitted my entry, I need to post again and say that I want to send Ronnie James Dio (Dee Snyder will do in a pinch http://www.takebackthehorns.com/) around to slap every poseur ho-douche-jerkbag that feels like flashing the horns makes them look tougher.
What new hell is this?
Sloppy, strappy, stroppy wag
Hope you’re gone next year
You point two fingers
I give you and your clothes one
From my hand’s center
(above does not incorporate New Years, but couldn’t resist):)
Your fug shirt says “kills”
A New Year’s resolution
Would be let it die
Green pants not jeans worn
PBS is overjoyed
Blowing New Year’s horns
Don’t miss, Jonny boy
Hardy cameltoe on the loose
Half price till New Year!
Hailey’s New Year plan:
Win fame in Fug Madness ’10:
Jon Gosselin runs back
New Year looking good
Ass hat replaced by ass crack
No Jon to punch though
A new year for her,
another fugged girl for us.
PLEASE…new clothes or bust!
Advertising jeers
In tabloids for the New Year!
Replacement Kate is here!
Poor Hailey Glassmen,
who knows where her class went!
With Jon in the Hamptons?
The clothes she borrowed
Were attacked by masked Zorro.
The shock and horror!
Just like Christmas fruit
Cake, her choice is up for debate.
A victory for Kate.
Gods of Fug we pray:
an end to the real life “stars.”
…A happy New Year.
Well, what did you really
Expect from a woman who
(beeped) Jon Gosselin?
———
Jon, Ed, Fuggs, and sweats
Next year I’ll hug myself like
Ray Charles and laugh…right?
—————-
Your underwear is
Showing through your shirt. Don’t think
Next year will change that.
I do not get it
who tied my shirt to my thong
Why oh Why Jon G?
Hailey minus Jon
Attention whore pirate fug
Disappear this year.
Wait, these are NOT the
New “Rock of Love” auditions?
Damn. Maybe next year.
Wait, these are NOT the
New “Rock of Love” auditions?
Damn. Maybe next year.
Ed Hardy’s got class
Lady wrestlers his new muse
This year: show back fat.
Boxing Day this year
Just cannot come soon enough
New shirt for her, please!
Gross disgusting foul
Yuck blech horrible sick eww
Pathetic NEW YEAR
May not be clever, but IS heartfelt.
New Year twenty-ten!
Green pants, fuggly boots, Ed Hard
The world had enough
Two more for the road. (and Merry Christmas to everyone!)
You have a new title:
Taste almost as bad in men
As it is in clothes
Sheep have New Years wish
Strangle your ankles in vain
Recruits spandex help
Revise first above. The excitement of coming four day weekend leads to duh. (caught when submitting)
Your New Years title:
Taste almost as bad in men
As it is in clothes
Happy New Year!
Taste in men and clothes?
New year outlook not so good,
Keep reffing, Nanook.
New year endeavor:
“Nanook of the North Ring” porn.
Only option left.
Proof that this year
Reality TV spawned
A new low. Send actors.
(oops, I mixed up the syllables. Let’s try again.)
Certain proof: this year
Reality TV spawned
New low. Send actors.
Poor choices Hailey,
No taste in fashion and men.
Begone from tabloids!
So pleased she seems. with
sartorial elegance
she greets the New Year.
Oh, my new year hell.
What the F is she wearing?
She looks like a douche.
Jon’s tiger shirt should
stop mauling other shirts and
my eyes this New Year.
Link for reference:
http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/0eYJ4yJACZ0/Jon+returns+to+NYC/kxzjFGKD6bA/Jon+Gosselin
What’s really scary?
Uggs? Camel toe? Shredded shirt?
Girlfriend shapes young minds.
She dumped Jon this year.
So lest you think the shirt’s new
She left her claw marks.
If wrestling it should be…
Go off to the WWE
Kate Gosselin as your opponent to make us cheer
Cellulite unsheathed
Pea-soup sausage-casing girl.
Fug new year. (My eyes!!)
What’s on your back? New
Year of the Caterpillar?
I think not, H.G.
Douche. Douche. Douche-bag. Douche.
Can it be said enough? No.
Happy New Year. Douche.
Douchebag wears do-rag
With visible underwear
Fugly New Year, y’all!
“Person” and “outfit”
I could go all year without.
So what else is new?
Oh Hailey, you know
Ed Hardy attracts douchebags
Next man has twelve kids?
Oops, copy-pasted the wrong one.
Ditch the Ed Hardy,
And the douchebags won’t find you.
New year, a new type?
thinks girl in headgear:
chewbacca called, and he says
he wants his feet back.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year FugGirls. Love you!!
I hope next year there is something better than poems, I am useless at these..
Let’s hope the year is New
for IQ totals of few
and ugboots
New Ed Hardy Shirt?
Nah, this is last year’s shredded.
I got boots wit furrrr!
Toe of a camel,
And the feet of Chewbacca
Seems you are an Ape.
lets not start new year
with reverse camel toe or
fame whores in fuggs. PLEASE!
A New Year feast of
Fatback, greens, and backside sleaze
Will bring you bad luck
Your pants say so low
Maybe you can date them too
After the New Year
Less is more this year
New concept, Hailey? At least
Underwear is there
homage to eighty-
seven: Axl, Cher approve.
new year? new panties!
(I’m just guessing what that lacy strip on her lower back is … that can’t be part of the shirt, can it?)
New Year’s resolution:
forget that this person was
ever relevant.
Hardy’s new spokesgirl?
Gosselin should be ashamed
for this year’s mistake.
Black lace and cut outs,
Yours to show: since you put out
To New Year’s best douche.
eww, all i can say is eww.
Tight sweatpants reveal
her New Year’s prospects: “So Low.”
Mr. Greenjeans weeps.
Girl on Girl Boxing?
Oh, please pull a Mike Tyson,
And bite off her ear.
Jon’s boys sure could swim
I dodged a New Year’s bullet
Could’ve been a contender
Why are you still news?
Fifteen minutes last a year?
Douche calendar sucks.
This isn’t a haiku or whatever, but is that HER THONG showing on the bottom of that awful shredded mess? ewwwwwww.
So fashion-forward!
Ed Hardy and Uggs? How new!
Next year: trucker hats.
This year I’d prefer
not to see you in the news.
Can you grant me that?
My New Year’s resolve:
Figure out who this girl is.
Then quickly forget.
Hardy’s new spokesgirl?
Jon Gosselin should be ashamed
for this year’s mistake.
(Sorry, I put an extra syllable in Gosselin in my head in the first post.)
Thought I knew every
new celebretard this year.
Not this one. Thank God.
‘Sup Moth#$fuck@s
Hailey Glassman in da house
Technical Knockout
Kate gave me these clothes,
to say “no hard feelings, dear”
i’ll wear them all year.
New resolution
for the next year I will choke,
Christian Audigier.
Her thong and her shirt are DEFINITLY connected and it is horrible and very tacky! And she looks like straight up trash!!!!
-”Hey Hailey, What’s new?”
-”Just won this year’s fug title!”
-”Oh wow, that’s… that’s great.”
Gosselin’s ex-flame
A famewhoring year for both
New Year, same idiots.
And one for the road….
Ed Hardy and Uggs, huh?
That sounds right (at least the UGH)
Happy New Year, Hales.
What else is ‘so low’?
Relevance and fashion sense
Try less this new year
What a year, Hailey!
First, love with Jon; now you’re in
the new Whitesnake vid?!?
Sad green cameltoe
New stronger douche is needed;
Tiger free next year?
Oh woe as Hailey
Should’ve held out for Tiger
Instead of Goss-douche
Um. The referee
Not wearing black and white stripes
But Ed Hardy. Um.
[No 'new' or 'year, but...]
You should be ashamed.
Celebrate Happy New Year
With class, not Ed Hardy.
Uggs were fifty-five.
Do rag was eight.
New sugar daddy?
[No 'new' or 'year, but...]
I have a question:
Last new year resolution
Do-rags and Jon Gosselin????
Poor Christian. His new
Spokesgirl this year is the one
That banged Jon Gosslin.
You need a new shirt.
Clearly someone has shredded
yours. It’s not your year.
Fluffy uggs,brand new
bandana and scull, this year’s
Rock of Love tryouts?
Do you want a new
mirror? It’s been a rough year
Hails, you’ve made it worse
Here’s my New Year’s wish:
SWINTON takes Hailey shopping.
Makes her wear caftans.
OMG! Years of
Pap flashes! Fug slashed, not torn…
Joy! Famewhore! New born!
New low; shirt-shreds show
Black lace bra and thong – the year’s
Quintessential douche.
Maybe if I cared
about said attention whore…
Wait. That won’t happen.
Shredded shirt and Uggs
This is what Gosselin does
To fugly young girls
“Bought new clothes this year.
New Hardy shirt, Jon will love!
But Kate saw me first!”
“Punch-Out” in real life
This new year, Hailey Glassman
competes as King Hippo.
¿Cómo se dice
“I spy major camel toe”
en español, yo?
Jersey Shore just called
And so did Rock of Love Bus
Girlfriend, you’re hired!
I smell Summer’s Eve
With a hint of Ed Farty
Call Hailey, PARTAAAY!!!
All I want this year
No more new quasi-celebs
Go back to your hole!
Lately I have thought
that this year had been bereft
of fugly skanks…..Nah!
Beg: new fame in 2009
Borrow: hotel basement space
Steal: year-end clearance
Priceless: an autobiography of haikus
And, because one should never underestimate the power of a limerick:
There once was a gal named Hailey
Like hobby, she sought her fame daily
This year she banged Jon
But he was just pawn
In dreams of something less frail-ly!
I do not have the gift of these awesome haiku poets. These are hilarious!
I nominate Sylvia @ 3:22 on 12-23-09,
I laughed till I cried over,
“pea-soup sausage-casing girl”.
I LOVE this web site!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Fug Girls!!
Fug Madness is around the corner, yippee!
Women’s boxing and
a half sewn shirt? Who knows
what the new year brings.
How to win Fight of
the Year: Lose Jon and find a
new style to revile.
Yeti boots, cheap clothes.
If that’s the year’s new trendster–
She’s down for the count
Boxing Day: Not a
holiday. But a new fug
to ring in the year.
enamored with ego
new eyes stare beyond cries
years unanswered plees
Who are those people
Who are there watching this crap?
Next year: Get new life.
Brett Michaels called. He
wants his thong back. New year, old
desperation-pants.
White clip in back holds
shirt and sweats together, right?
Crack whore sans “coin slot”!
The next year has come.
I’ve the same resolution –
need to get new clothes.
New year, new life plan:
Ditch Jon, perfect time machine-
’85 ‘s back, y’all!
So sad the new year
Blooms in shreds upon her back,
Sighing “Ugh. Just – ugh.”
Nice bra there, sweetie.
Happy New Years, retinas.
Looks like Jersey Shore.
we have a new champ
ed hardy won you the belt
douchette of the year
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
must stop christian audigier
goal for the new year
year of ed hardy
you made douchebag the new black
this glass is empty
Score for you, sad thong.
You are more distracting than
Yonder poor pink crotch.
Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche.
Douche, douche-bag,douche-bag, douche-bag
Douche, douche, douche, douche, douche.
Inspired by “terri”
I never ‘new how
badly the year could end if
I messed with Sasquatch.
“Famous” for her ex
She refs a suss red neck sport
Dressed like trailer trash
New Year, please bring her:
More sense, fewer bandannas?
Oh, Hailey….Rock On.
Cat Fight, Shreds Back, Yo!
New Year, New Job, New Boy, Ho!
Needs Style, Needs Life, Doh!
I had a dream of
Hailey fist pumping but, Damn!
This ain’t Jersey Shore.
New on the douche scene.
One year of “doing” J.G.
Apprentice time done.
_____________________________________________
New Years called. It says
you must leave those horrid pants
if you want to come.
_____________________________________________
New shirt, new shoes, new
pants are all requirements
for this douche free year.
_____________________________________________
New Year’s reminder:
Wedgies are bad and shirts should
not have shredded backs.
______________________________________________
Note to self: New Year’s
should not include Ed Hardy,
Ugg boots or J.G.
______________________________________________
Resolution for
New Year:Dress less like Jersey
Shore pathetic reject.
This New Year let’s ditch:
Fame mongers, Uggs, Ed Hardy
Makes me miss Paris!
Worse than being paid
to wear Ed Hardy’s new line?
A year with Jon G.
Snow falls. A new start.
The year to buy a shirt, like you
weren’t mauled by a bear.
Gosselin? Grossman? Pledge:
No more reality shows
For me this new year.
Ignore this fame whore.
She’ll be gone in the new year,
ugly boots and all.
“Like my new undies?”
Said Hailey, Yeti boots fug
A year and she’s through
was it the same knife
she used on his new mattress
to make ho couture?
Three entries? Yes!
1) Glassman, Jon called and
He said give back his douche-ness
He’s out for New Years
2) (Sigh) You exhaust me
This look is not new! Please just
Fade away next year
3) Fashion vixen you
are not, nor are you “famous.”
New year? No Glassman!
Define a bad year?
When wrestlers have better taste
in new clothes than you.
Trash with cash. An old
New breed, used, again. This year’s
Rash. An itch? Dont scratch.
He is taken, you bitches
This from the new Spring line
I want her hair style
What’s those brats name’s again?
I can see my VH1 show now
Photoshop all the back fat
Pennsyltucky’s best
sporting event is marred by
a tacky pirate.
Her pants say, “so low”
Collective eyes moan, “oh no”
Lace thong…ripped shirt…*gasp*
hailey glassman, you dis-
cust the entire world. oh–
also, “new” and “year”
new fame and old “trends”
collide in a boxing ring.
this match? no one wins.
OOPS…here’s a version with “year” in it.
new fame and year-old
“trends” collide in boxing ring.
this match? no one wins.
I need a new shirt
And these pants are so last year
Think they’d trade outfits?
When a do-rag is
the highlight of your outfit
it’s best to stay home
White trash chic is the
New hobo look this year. Hail’s
rocking the camel.
I don’t know the format of a haiku poem (even after you’ve explained it to me a few times via this wonderful website), but I DO know that that is one hell of an ugly shirt.
Jon’s fling brings fug to
new venues mixing boxers
with year-old do-rags
New rule: Do-rags don’t
go with boxers. Next year may
douche-bags try harder.
bra bandana boots.
you so stupid i cannot
able write sentence
A douchey year ends
With one last slice of douche pie
Newness, bring fresh eyes?
This New Year, I bet
John is glad, he dumped this wench,
cuz’ Fug! This is bad!
Nothing new this year,
Cellulite and stripper tee.
Fug! You suck at life.
Dear Hail: sex with a
C star doesn’t make you less
backwoods. Fug New Year!
Not a “New” look for the Homewrecking whore
as Teachers everywhere shudder in disgust
the outfit she wears is from “Year’s” past
Famous for what, now?
Not fashion or subtlety.
Perhaps this new year.
Sweatpants? Nanook boots?
Female wrestlers for New Year?
Pass me the eggnog.
Sweatpants? Nanook boots?
Female wrestlers for New Year?
Pass me the eggnog.
New Year’s tip: shredded
Shirts and pea-green sausage pants
Flatter nobody.
Black lace; camel toe
Hail’s trashy new D-List threads.
This year’s all new low.
I’m done with Jon G.,
A new year of dignity
Ed Hardy screams class.
The knife cuts my shirt
Slices your apartment too
Happy New Year Jon
Something old…uggs
Something new…boyfriend
Something borrowed…Jon’s shirt
Something blue…the viewers
Here’s to the New Year Miss Crotch View!
Bandana, sweats, Uggs
Ripped Ed Hardy, girl-on-girl
Oh, Haile no! New Year.
Hulk Hogan’s new gal
Will have hair of a year-long
Bleach bath – but nice try!
New resolution:
Become a boxer this year
Punch her in the fug
Thought I’d start the New
Year with warm thoughts and love for
Mankind. I was wrong.
Safety strap panties?
Next year, go get new glasses
Clearly you’ve gone blind.
Your Ed Hardy “shirt”
A true sign of apocalypse
Next year: new clothes, please.
Hailes, that shirt hurts me
But the New Year’s question is:
Shred JUST the front?
Breaking the rules, but I feel the need to add:
Nanook of the North
Awaits return of his boots
P.S.: Your shirt sucks.
Resubmitting, since my martini made me lose count:
Your Ed Hardy “shirt”
True sign of apocalypse
Next year: new clothes, please.
Hailes, that shirt hurts me
But the New Year’s question is:
Why shred JUST the front?
More of a don’t rag
You def need a new mirror
Next year please be gone
Honey, Uggs have died.
Seek a new, bandanna-less way.
Stay out of wrestling.
Bereft, you cry out.
The fight was so difficult,
That you need a new shirt.
Just seven minutes
In heaven with a werewolf
New year, help her out.
This year would make sense
T’were a new Brett Michaels here
And not a sad Miss.
Not a haiku, but I noticed there are CHILDREN sitting in the front row of this “celebrity” “event”. For Christ’s sake– does no one think of the children?!?!?!? I weep. And I despair!
Where to look, TITLE, ass?
Hotel Ballrooms weren’t meant for this
Nor were yoga pants
You’re a loser, so
You’re no one – You’re no one, so
You’re a winter douche
This year Hailey ripped
Her new shirt to make fashion.
Next year, more cam’ltoe.
Two words for scoring
Octo-dads and boxing chicks
Visible undies
Saw your new shirt, Hail.
Too bad Santa didn’t bring
Some class for you too.
“Back” is the new black!
Kerchief, yoga pants in place
Year old thong is stuck!
she seeks fug title
flaunting flagrant show of uggs
crotches and back fat
So low? Try new low!
A hot mess you have become
Not your year Glassman!
Hailey, if you must
Show your “new” panties and such
Make them match this year
Oh, Hailey, what a
Rough and raunchy year. News flash:
It’s all wrong, just wrong!
Sunlight through the leaves
Cloud-shadows cut the mountains
I can see your bra
Miss Shredded Shirt Fug
Last year was Jon’s rock of love.
Brett’s new groupie?
New year, old everything.
Asshat 2010 is born.
FINGER EXPLOSION!
When a caribou
Meets a douchebag, coming through
The rye. Happy New Year?
Maybe for New Year’s
She will get a “potholder loom”
To finish her shirt.
I’m hot and I’m cold.
Hey, I’m wearing sweatpants, but
Do you like my bra?
Hailey, a new shirt?
This year’s look is so classy. . .
I can see your bra.
I wrestle with bears,
Not this year’s “celebrities.”
My new shirt proves it.
Hideous green sweats
ShrEd Hardy top, Uggs, girl fight
New Year for Hailey.
Dear Hailey Glassman,
This year, let’s try something new:
Clothing that fits you.
Short of inspiration and lacking proper english, but here they come!
Newly dressed? still
Yearning for attention ends
Only tangled up
Hear ye, are you there
I knew I forgot to do
Something this morning
Fug Homewrecker needs
A New Year resolution
And maybe styling
New year new chance for
Everyone,one condition:
Do not wear this y’all
Happy Holidays dear fuggers!
New Year and fug-izzle
I would like to smack the b****
that cares so little.
Class is “out of stock”
For Hail this year. Can’t believe
The fugg-ic-ity.
Crappy shirt aside
My new year resolution
Is to shave my legs
who are you hailey?
confusion wastes my lunch hour
fame, he knows you not.
For the New Year let’s
do all a favor and ig-
nore the douche bags more
Then maybe our New
Year will be pleasanter than
It has ever been
If we stop the com-
plete perpetuation then
they may go away
(for many New Years to come)
OR
Ed, Hailey (and Jon)
Disappear with your bad
clothes and bad choices
What to wear to ref?
Douche’s closet dilemma.
Wear it all! With Uggs.
Business in the front.
Death by Kate’s nails in the back.
I prefer the back.
Hailey shows new class!
Bandana, bra, Uggs, and ass.
Same shit, diff’rent year.
Dude. I can see your
thong through your shirt. How is that
even possible?
A new shirt is gleaned
From depths of Jackass “R” Us
Year end clearance bin
sasquatch in winter,
kills dignity with cameltoe-
eight babies with claws.
sasquatch in winter,
kills dignity with cameltoe-
eight babies with claws.
Uggs and Ed Hardy?
This is nothing new, girlfriend.
Go all out next year!
Turquoise pants = koi pond;
Brown Uggs like forested trees.
Nature’s bounty: fug.
Mukluks and tight sweats,
Shredded Ed Hardy, thong-tied
New Year, but still lame.
visible undies
are the least fugly part of
what you wear. i die.
Desperate for work but
Whitesnake-themed yoga? Worse
idea than Jon
Shredded shirt horror
a portrait of pathetic
New Year’s fashion don’t
Warhol ghost wowed
He wants to know how
You knew your 15 were up
At The Factory your shirt
Would nod to the hurt
JG caused you last year
“Me=VIOLATED!”
Year’s best, hyena to gnu…
Nay – to Wildebeest.
Last year’s yogawear
newly razor-slashed, but more
cul-de-sac than street
Why do we have to stare at wee wee golden shower bimbo pretend she is IT? Please@ alluring beauty or charm (often with universal sex-appeal) and any Kardashian comparison are oxymoronic.. deviant, selfish human behavior has limitations within their logic utilized by the meaning of glamour girl ad?
uggs and cameltoe
not a shirt on my back
think of the children
Your back annoys me
That you’re back annoys me too
Don’t come back. Begone.
Unfortunate pants, Unsewn shirt, Ugg-ly boots,
I left the house like this
realizing I have no real friends.
your front was a mess
but the back was much much worse
at least no more jon?
Paula – i bow to you. i aspire!!! -kc
Paula – i bow to you. i aspire!!! -kc
A two-fer, with apologies to William Carlos Williams for the second effort….
Cougar sharpens claws
On Hailey’s douche-y shirt. Please
Claw Hailey instead.
So much depends on
A douche beside the wrestlers
Glazed pursuit of fame.
i saw cameltoe
and than she turned around and
it was so much worse
A Happy New Year
means she disappears so don’t
call it a comeback.
New year, same story.
Jilted girl shreds his things. whoops!
Forgot to move shirt…
Fight night in Ugg boots.
Oh look how high you have climbed.
Is that a dude’s crotch?
Venitian blinds me
On your rear window of doom.
Hitchcock up your pants.
Pear-shaped Paramour:
Peel away the polluting
Pants. They are not green.
Oh, my God. My eyes!
Not a year could refresh them.
Her new gear, my pain.
I’d need a year to
forget that julienned Ed
Hardy – new brain please.
White Christmas? White trash.
A new blind date for K-Fed?
Not this year, girlfriend.
A whole new fug for the new decade!
A sprinkle of Axl, a measure of Kid Rock, and remember to
Hold the irony! Because trailer park is soooo this year.
Queen MAB, LOVE the Hitchcock reference. Genius!
FUG KILLS SLOWLY.
Your fame will die first.
New year, new PR nightmare: style passes by in sheepskin hearse.
trackpants cameltoe
lace underwear on display
too much fug at once
Dated Jon; all I
got was this stupid t-shirt.
New Year, you owe me.
My shirt is slicey,
but shows bra nicely. This new
year will be dicey.
Are my pants still tied
to my string shirt via my
thong? Phew. Good new year.
Happy New Year, Jon!
My pants are tied to my shirt!
No ass-crack for you!
This year’s been hopeful.
With that I’ll hope the new one
is free of this douche.
Ed Hardy fame whore.
Trashy from the front, but then
Bam! She turns. It’s worse.
Slashing Jon’s new digs
Quelled not her year-long rage;
The T-shirt was next.
lesson for new year:
never ever turn your back
on kate gosselin
New Year’s goal: show more
Love handles and camel toe
Kids in the crowd. Why?
Kate G., did your hair
and Hailey’s shirt visit
the same boxcutter?
Is this the Year of
The Dog, Rat, Pig or Monkey?
All of them apply.
Baaaa Humbug, to this, my eyeballs in Danger!
Camel toe, Sheep-ish hooves,
Did she skin the damn Manger?
Oops – forget the ‘New Year’:
Beware this New Year’s sartorial danger!
Camel Toe, Sheep-ish hooves,
Did she skin the damn manger?
Phew!
if your new year’s goal
is to be on Jersey Shore
lose the pants, boots stay
Goodbye John and kids,
New me for the new year:
Brett Michaels, look out
the other 2 don’t have “new year” in them, but I couldn’t resist posting them too
Judging by the crowd
your fifteen minutes are up
leave us alone now.
appropriate shirt?
Never. Appropriate man?
even less likely.
New thought: Venetian
Blind-shirts remain light years
Away from tasteful.
This year please resolve
“New Jersey Shore” fashion wear
Is down for the count
Douchette of the year
In Ed Hardy, nothing new
Oh, Hailey, it’s you.
Hailey it’s my hope
This New Year will prove to you
pictures do not lie
Your best accessory
is not shirt, boots or douche bag
but a potted plant
Uggs? Check! Vile clothes? Check!
Class? Style? Brains? Can’t have it all …
Maybe next year, dear
The Aught Years’ worst trend:
New celebrity status
For any dumb skank.
Last year’s tired boots
With Ed Hardy’s new mistake.
Throwin’ the douche hands.
hailey, im confused.
is that bout for new lows in
trash this year? win’s yours.
rueful sighs, but hope
for a new year with no more
hailey, jon or ed
fashion victim, ugh
a year or two late, at that
back to “teen wolf,” you
Can’t even afford
a whole top for the new year.
Epic fame-whore FAIL.
Oh dear God–my eyes
Why would you punnish me so?
New year, no more!?! please.
A new edit of my last one:
Last year’s tired boots
With Audigier’s latest mess.
Throwin’ the douche hands.
Relentless loser
Whither thy taste! Damn my eyes!
Shred not the tee, please.
A haiku trilogy:
Look Hailey, that’s new!
some bystanders aren’t laughing
And pointing at you.
Fish nets aren’t active
wear. But… neither are marmots.
Girl, pull your pants up.
I don’t think Sisqo
expected you to take him
this literally.
oops, edited to conform:
Whither thy taste, hmm?
A new year’s request, Hailey;
Shred not the tee, please.
Two. Please forgive:
Jesus called today
To gossip on the new year
Tackiness abounds
Hailey Glassman: An
Inspiration to us all
New year’s disaster
A new edit so it meets the requirements. In word content if not correct usage.
A haiku trilogy:
Look Hailey, that’s new!
some bystanders aren’t laughing
And pointing at you.
Fish nets aren’t active
wear. But… neither are marmots.
Girl, pull year pants up.
I don’t think Sisqo
expected you to take him
this literally.
New Years and a cat
You lost in the back alley
Now your shirt is wack
Y’all, her parents
are good friends with that outfit
So shut up, it’s love.
New year, new boyfriend?
Shouldn’t dress like a slob, though
Jon might get jealous.
Year’s best look, hands down
New take on “casual slob”
The Sev is jealous
Hailey this is sad
You will not be a celeb
Just like Speidi dear
We see through the trash
New year is fresh and easy
spring clean douche away
New award this year:
“Dreadful Taste in Men AND Clothes”
Congrats, Miss Glassman!
I’m the snake, I take
on new skin: In the new year
just shed (or shred) class.
new fug champion!
doesn’t show one nipple, yet
wins Skank of the Year.
new fug champion!
doesn’t show one nipple, yet
wins Skank of the Year
Hark-Jersey Shore Grinch!
Roast Beast got the best of her,
fugetaboutit!
My New Year’s promise:
Try to be more positive.
At least she wears pants
Yeah, the note was real
I burgled J.G.’s wardrobe
Happy New Yeeeaaaar, Buoooooy!
1.
hailey’s new ref gig.
girls in hot pants have more class.
non-shock of the year.
2.
how the hell did she
wear all of this year’s sad trends?
a new champion.
Oh, Hailey Glassman
You make Baby New Year cry
Baby Jesus, too
Poor Hailey Glassman
New shirt tattered, not Hardy
Like Jon’s Kateless year
I’m the snake, I take
on new skin: In the new year
I’ll shed (or shred) class.
Accidentally, I wore
my shirt backwards, oops! Will kids
have nightmares for new year’s?
Bad taste referee
each facet gets attention, anew
this year may end badly.
Uggs and yoga pants
But she IS wearing a bra
New trend for next year?
New way to dress bird.
Stuff with care under skin. Oops!
Better luck next year.
Next year, buy new pants
And stay away from cat fights for
The sake of your shirts
# 1 –
Uggs, sweats, Ed Hardy,
Douche-bag bait in full effect
“Call me, Lohan’s Dad!”
# 2 –
Hailey’s shredded shirt –
ragged shout-out to her last
shreds of dignity
Look at me, I’m FUG
This, the new look of the year
Sole invite: She Wrestling Ref!!
Oh, hoochie Hailey,
Shredders can be dangerous.
Smackdown for new year!
For F’Uggs lang syne, my dears
pass the booze
pronto
For F’Uggs lang syne, my dears
pass the booze
pronto
Hailey: “My new year’s res?
Upgrade from tattered man, John
to tattered shirt, Ed.”
Ugg. Boxing fashion
on Hailey Glassman. Hardly
a stellar new year.
Boxing promoter
May not be year’s best choice for
Your new Svengali.
The heart kills
The vagina camel-toes
And the lady blows
Oh, Hailey Glasssman.
Reputation. Ensemble.
Thoroughly shredded.
New year fashion deets:
Texture is the new skank flag.
Raise it high, Hailey.
Psst, Hailey, you need
a new shirt; it’s a bit torn…
you like it? Freak. (year)
Hailey, this new year
is going to be better…
Clearly, for Kate. Duh.
Tacky pose, shirt, and
boots? This new year’s looking bleak;
Can’t fix “fug” that fast.
A sad day when Ugg
Boots and doo rag the best part!
Pugilist pantsuit?
I can’t remember
if I cried when I spied her
trashy togs; Happy
New Year to them good
old girls snarking in the face
of true fashion evil.
Fug Girls eyes’r dry
Bye-Bye Ms. Ho’merican Vile
The Day that style died.
This is new, Hailey.
This year you resolve to be
tasteless? News flash, that’s not new.
Shirt mauled a bear,
Ugg(ly) boots sprouting white hair,
Hailey, FUG New Year.
This year you’ve been… here…
and now your new shirt reads “KILLS”?
Yep. It’s killing me.
Haiku to Hailey:
Phoebe Price, Bai Ling?
Crazy, but funny. Take note:
This new year: be funny.
or
Hailey, new thought:
This year: if crude, funny TOO.
Example: Bai Ling.
alternate version:
Psst, Hailey. Your shirt,
it’s a bit torn. This
year… wait. That’s on purpose?
New Year Fashion Game:
FAIL at every clothing choice.
Congrats girl, you win!!
The thesis research would be wanted by some scholars if hold the data about this topic. I guess the this is available to see the thesis writing service that could do this issue.
I’m so sad for her
Clearly, she’s Legally Blinde.
New year…Lasik time?
‘UGGs rhymes with FUGGs.’ She
sighs. For no poem can fix this
blight before her eyes.
Brett Michaels called. Strange:
he wants nothing back. And this
year he vows new looks!
‘UGGs rhymes with FUGGs.’ She
sighs. For no poem can cure this
blight before her eyes.
Really? For Real? No…
NO, REALLY? No…no…for real?
Love the thong lasso
P.S. Happy New Year, although it can’t get any better…for real.
Haiku to the wrestling promoter/Hailey’s new alleged hubby:
What do you see there?
Your new year’s resolution:
Date the sleaziest girl???
or
If year-old fashions
reign in this new arena,
then Hailey wins big!
New. Year. There, now I
can say this: NO NO, Hailey,
NO NO NO NO, ick.
Torn-up shirt, tacky
boots, sweat pants AND handkerchief?
New Year, time for change…
Oops! Revised version of a revised version:
Psst, Hailey. Your shirt,
it’s a bit torn. This year… wait.
That’s on purpose??
New Year Resolution:
If I find it in Snookie’s closet,
I leave it there.
Boom’n thighs of Kentucky Fried
Doomed is Hailey’s new year unless Slayer is touring
Ramble on to the nearest cliff…
Boom’n thighs of Kentucky Fried
Doomed is Hailey’s new year unless Slayer is touring
Ramble on to the nearest cliff…
Like visions of sugarplums
Freddy Kruger knives dance
across your douchey back
“Hey you. I’m pointin’
at you! New year, better me.”
Uh, Hailey… fug start.
Jon’s second hand girl
New year, new look, then a twirl
Hind view fug unfurled.
New year, same drama
Maybe he tore up her top?
Can’t explain the rest
Uggs and ugly shirt
Adorns fug douche -New Years res
Find some taste in dress
Often refs wear stripes,
but if this is the new look,
no hockey this year.
Will this year see
Fame for excellence return,
And not this? Hope so.
“People of WalMart”
Poster child, you need a
New aspiration.
Mine eyes have seen the
Glory of the coming of
The Fug – now the tears!
Why the do-rag, hoe?
And the dreaded camel-toe?
New Year enters? WHOAH!
Flashing fake gang signs
Did the douchebags organize
Like the Crips and Bloods?
#1
Hailey, dear child…so
Lost in your year of shame. Please,
Begin a new life
#2
A kind of self rule!
To wit; front of body clothed.
Nudity better?
option 1:
For years we have thought:
New fashion: UGGs, hot or not?
Thanks, Hailey! Guess NOT.
option 2:
A D-list type year,
This new shirt you’ve got here? Please.
Kate laughs at your sleaze.
From the back, you’d think
A raunchy sherpa got mauled
After yoga class.
Oops! Must edit to comply with the rules!
Sad news this year as
cats maul a stripper-sherpa
exiting the gym.
Despite the New Year
Crotchtacular ickiness
Continues to haunt
You’re not seeking fame?
We goggle at your undies,
halfway to GaGa.
Reliable source–
Victoria’s loudmouth friend
spilling her secrets.
My New Years res is:
I shall never ever aim
to look this fugly.
or
To “unfug it up”
you’d need a new shirt, new boots…
and a year. Or ten.
New type of fame-whore
this year. Almost makes me miss
Hilton and Geldof.
_______________________
Last year introduced
a whole new type of fame-whore.
I miss Hilton? Sad.
It’s twenty ten, Yo!
New decade, new bra, old boots
Year of the Camel
Little Steve Van Zandt
If he should sport cameltoe
Would look much like this.
The new bar is set
when celebs shred shirts for cash
A sad year begins
Fox Socks Box Knocks: Pox.
Pox on Fox in Socks Who Box.
Happy New Year! Bye!
new year, but old rules:
if you need warm furry boots,
wear a jacket too.
Ripped thong-shirt? Really?
Sadly, not your lowest time.
New year…have some class.
New-ly shredded plus
A whisper of polterwang
Equals douche of the year
Plain PA housefrau’s
new year starts with lame-ass duds.
Celebrity blows.
New shirt got mauled, ey?
Don’t worry, your luck will change
It’s Year of the Douche
New Year’s Eve Costume,
Sums up worst trends of noughties,
Leave them behind dear.
Screw Glassman’s outfit,
Whats up with the massive gloves?
Giant hand syndrome?
New year, New Hailey,
Except of course the tan lines,
Those are here to stay.
Sartorial Mess,
Your time is up. Jon’s Motto -
New year, new girl(s)
ooh la la! c’est mardi?
whatevs every day ed hardy
and big hairy fuggs
Upcoming events?
For Hailey Glassman? Let’s see…
Monster Truck Rally!
New no name chick here,
Years done, you’re still no one.
Get out of the frame!
Those boots, that shirt. yuck.
Too bad you didn’t get knocked out.
New Year. New wardrobe. PLEASE.
New Year full of hope
but Uggs and Ed Hardy still?
I shall dream no more
The Daddy of Eight
knows that alone is better then
a New Year with you!
Fingertips to Ughs!
A head-to-toe lady-douche!
More in New Year? Fugs!
Hail a new year was
The plan but thought wrestlin’ meant
No snuggies allowed.
(I wore this mess instead.)
Had to screw Gosslein
and all I got for it was
a jacked up tee shirt
Lacy new undies
year-ning to claw their way out.
Shirt down for the count.
Next year’s Christmas wish
for our new friend Hailey G:
the rest of the yak.
Is shirt window blinds
Or is Hailey’s effed up fug
New fashion this year?
The Glassman Frumpeth
Putting the ‘ho’ in hotel, new
year’s tiger attack.
Oh, your new yeti
boots should have saved you from that
Wolverine yearling!
This outfit needs
A cameltoe
Your New Year’s resolution, perhaps?
O poor Ed Hardy,
Bleakware for the middle aged
And girls old at heart.
Thought long and hard ’bout
new year resolutions…
What would Jon do? This!
what new debacle
is served by this woman here?
please stay in last year
Girl, that’s not a shirt
But I guess you don’t know class
New Year..? No Glassman
Nothing new here, Hail,
Maybe Mike Tyson bit the
Shirt instead of y’ear.
Yeti abuse is
no way to ring in the gnu
year. PETA’s on it.
(as an aside:
Be assured that I
Will actually read all
of your rules next time.)
Was with Jon, now Ed.
Gilrrrrl! What is wrong with your head?
This year get new duds.
A new year brings us
Camel toe and sweaty crease
Tiger-eaten shirt
This Ed Hardy shirt?
For the new year, I find I
prefer Kate’s old hair.
You’ve killed me slowly
with your new-ly minted year
of fame whoring shame.
_______________________________________________
New plan for the year:
Wear more Ed Hardy and try
to be douchier!
_______________________________________________
May I suggest a
new Hailey for the New Year?
No Ed Hardy …… EVER!
_______________________________________________
New love indeed kills
slowly but so does a year
of looking at you.
_______________________________________________
Hailey models the
new year’s look for Jersey Shore
living. Theme? Skank Bag!
Unhappy boxers;
Sliced Hardy and Uggs make fug,
not celebrity.
Famous loser ex,
and she smells like Doritos.
New year, new agents.
Hailey, New Year, lass!
But poor Miss Havisham
Would like her drapes back.