I hope you guys have been checking out the comments on these Freaky Fug Friday entries — seriously, we always knew our readers were smart and funny, but y’all are blowing us away with the awesomeness of your contributions. Even though we weed through the submissions to pick our favorites, there is so much more awesome to be found, you’d be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t pore through as many of them as you can. Bravo, Fug Nation.
Onto this week’s Freaky Fug Friday.
THE PICTURE:
THE FUGEE: Katy Perry, singer, kisser of girls for shock value and profit, girlfriend of British comedian Russell Brand.
EXTRANEOUS DETAILS: Katy here is in the act of hosting the MTV European Music Awards, a night on which she wore several costumes, including the above.
IMPORTANT WARNING: Please keep your entry in the spirit of the site itself. We’re pretty sure y’all know what that means.
Post your entries in the comments — do not e-mail them to us, please! You have until Sunday night at 10 p.m. Pacific time. Per usual, the finalists will be put to a vote on Monday. Now go forth and compose!
Comments (201):
Perry Como
Catch a Falling Star and stick it in a socket,
Burnt cloth can be cut away.
Catch a Falling Star and thoroughly mock it,
I think I can see her vajayjay.
Katy’s Thinking of You:
Getting dressed is not easily done
Once you’ve had a date with England’s Most Endearing Bum
Like a furball hanging from a rack
I picked the brightest tulle
I’ve still got the shame
You said “B*tch please!”
What do you mean?
I guess outfit ridicule is all I will know
‘Cause when I’m wearing this you are embarassed for me
Embarassed for me
What I would do if
Someone tackled me with a
Cute cocktail dress
Cute cocktail dress
Oh I wish that I had made friends with pants
Paaaaaaaants!
Ur So Gay
You’re dressed so bad you might want to buy a happy meal
You’re dressed so clad you really should have bought the whole deal
Outrightly you are so amused
And nobody understands you
I’m not mean cuz I can’t get you out of your head
I’m not angry cause you’d rather get racy instead
I can’t believe I fell in fug
With a girl who wears clown makeup
I kissed a girl (obviously)
I wore swiss cheese and I liked it
The cold clammy feel of the fabric
I wore swiss cheese just to try it
I hope the whole world don’t mind
It felt so cold, it felt so right
Don’t mean I’m dairy tonight
I wore swiss cheese and I liked it
I liked it
You sure have done wrong
Knowing how we’d make you feel
And you sure have good songs
But your dress does not appeal
Oh, the tulle must’ve been a’screamin’
And wished it was somewhere else
And it should’ve been done over.
Oh, Katy, your dress
has ho-oles! Ho-o-oles!
Oh, Katy, your dress
has ho-oles! Ho-o-oles!
Song: “Oh, Sherrie” by Steve Perry.
I Punched Some Holes (a la I Kissed A Girl)
Last night I had a show to do
Up on the TV.
That’s when I like to dress like food
(‘Cause I’m so tasty).
My stylist,
She screwed it up-
She brought me a prom dress.
“You fat cow,”
I said to her,
“I just can’t go out like this!”
I punched some holes in my big dress!
Yes, I did that on purpose.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
No, giant rats didn’t munch it.
It was so plain,
I looked too sane,
Can’t let that happen
On stage.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I did it!
You’ve got to do the best you can
In moments like these.
I took the scissors in my hand,
Turned it to Swiss Cheese.
True, it’s no
Banana,
But give a girl a break.
At least it’s
Not normal
I’d hate to make that mistake.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
Admit you think it’s genius.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I am so damn fantastic.
It was so plain,
I looked too sane,
Can’t let that happen
On stage.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I did it!
My dress, it is so magical.
With holes, the tulle, it still all holds
Together-no parts even sag.
You’ve got to admit it
Can’t figure how I did it…
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I don’t see why you’re laughing.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I think I look just smashing.
It was so plain,
I looked too sane,
Can’t let that happen
On stage.
I punched some holes in my big dress!
I did it!
Oh, there’s one like Katy and her fugly ways
No matter how far away you are,
So you pine for a voice to say no way KK,
You’re tribute to Ms. Pacman is oh so wrong.
Perry Como’s Home for the Holidays
You should’ve spoke up
Seeing the skirt they’d make you wear.
Should’ve forced a closeup;
Halloween isn’t ’til next year.
Stylist must have loved his pumpkin.
(Must have loved his pumpkin I know.)
Must’ve loathed throwing it out.
(Thrown out.)
Jack’O'Lantern held over.
(Over now.)
Oh Perry
That skirt
Extols pumpkin rolls.
Oh Perry
That skirt:
Its folds hide your soles.
-Steve Perry, “Oh Sherrie”
Oh, no, no, Katy–
What did that poor dress do?
Sew up and put the tulle back where those holes are
You just can’t join the ranks of the avante-garde
As the Swiss Cheese City High School Prom Queen
Stinking up awards shows only gets you so far.
(to be sung as the chorus to the tune of Katy Perry’s “Waking Up In Vegas”)
Katy’s I kissed a girl:
I didn’t pack any moth balls
Now my dress reminds of swiss cheese.
I didn’t pack any moth balls
The paparazzi will mind it.
There’s nothing right, it’s only wrong
And why do I look so tall?
I didn’t pack any moth balls
Have a field day.
I’ve been caught fugging;
Once, on MTV.
I enjoy fugging,
It’s just as simple as that.
Well it’s just a simple fact.
When I want to fug a dress,
I just cut some holes in it.
I cut right, through the tulle.
Cut right through the tulle.
Hey alright! Blackened eyes.
It’s all fug. Fugly fug!
Perry Farrell: Been caught stealing
To the tune of “I Kissed a Girl”
I cut my dress, and I liked it,
Big hole like Death Becomes Her
I cut my dress just to try it
I just hope Russel likes it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Defying gravity tonight
It’s bright orange and I like it
I like it
Papa Loves Mambo – Perry Como
Katie loves Swiss cheese
But fears any stiff breeze
Look at her dress
Why, it’s simply a mess
But we’d never expect any less – Wow!
Katie loves Swiss cheese
And orange cheezies
When you combine favorite snacks
In a dress off the rack
You look like you’re smoking crack now!
“Accentuate the Positive” by Perry Como
You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Forget about conservative
Don’t mess with fabric In-Between
You’ve got to spread orange up to the maximum
Bring taste down to the minimum
Rely on pandemonium
Wake me from this awful dream
(To illustrate this last remark
Katy in this “dress,” really missed the mark.
What did she do
Just when everything looked so dark?)
“Damn,” she said “I better
Accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with fabric In-Between
No, do not mess with fabric In-Between
Do you hear me, hmm?”
My makeup’s a mess
Someone ate my dress
Oh, what am I gonna do?
Is there a fuglier outfit than mine?
Bibbidi bobbidi EW!!!
~Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo – Perry Como
You change your mind
When a girl changes clothes
Yeah, you eat the cloth like a bitch
I would know
And you always eat
Always eat cryptically
I should know
That moths are no good for me
‘Cause I was hot and then cold
You’re yes then I’m no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down
My dress, it’s not right
It’s really a sight.
You chew, there’s a hole
My dress, makes me cold.
You changed your mind.
Where most girls change their clothes,
Well, you grab a knife
And you make some big holes.
Now just cause your dress
Wasn’t crazy bizarre
Doesn’t mean
That we won’t know you are.
‘Cause you’re fugly, it’s true,
With eyes on your boobs
Or peacocks or dice.
You’re worse than Posh Spice.
Bananas. Hot pants.
Girl, please take a chance
On regular clothes
Not dresses with holes!
“Jane Says” by Jane’s Addiction (Perry Farrell)
Kate says,
“I’m done with this stylist.
My skirt looks like a fish head.”
She wants to be
on the television,
says I have to look edgy.
So if the stylist comes back again
Tell him to get the makeup artist
and let’s
keep applying mascara
I think the answer is mascara
Yes, let’s try mascara
Katie’s got a gun…
Katie’s got a gun…
Blew holes in her dress for fun…
Now everybody is on the run
What do we have to do?
To dress as fugly as you?
We could shoot holes in our prom gowns
Man that would be insane!!!
Blow up our tulle and chiffon
Our satins and our Dacron
Formal wear will never be the same…
Katie’s got a gun…
Katie’s got a gun…
To the tune of Oh, Sherry! by Steve Perry
You should’ve been fugged
Knowing all the rules in steel
And we should’ve been mad
After all our fug appeals
Oh, it must have been the bronzer
That must’ve seeped in your brain
And your career should’ve been over by now
Oh, Katy, that skirt
Holes in? Holes in?
Oh, Katy, your look
Fug sin! Fug sin!
Oh, I want to let go
You’ll go on, won’t give a damn
You’d be better off alone!
Your skirt looks like a pink Pac Man
To the tune of “Open Arms” – Journey (Steve Perry).
standing before you
here in the light
feeling a draft from the floor
softly I whisper
into the mic
maybe I have gone too far
I sailed onto this stage
wearing this dress
and now I feel so unsure
so now I come to you
with OPEN HOLES
nothing to hide
believe when I say
so here I am with OPEN HOLES
hoping you’ll see
what couture means to me
OPEN HOLES
Jane Says – Jane’s Addiction (Perry Farrell)
Katy, there’s a chunk out of your dress
Do you feel naked without it?
You look
Like a cracked-out Pac-Man ghost
Is that really what you want to wear as host?
Katy, listen to me now
Swiss cheese comes from cows
And wasn’t meant for dresses
Please change your clothes tomorrow
Please change your clothes tomorrow
To the tune of Foolish Heart by Steve Perry
I own a lot of clothes
But I wanted a dress with holes
Got a show in an hour
Someway, somehow
I’ll be there
Ready to share
I found a table saw
Some carpenter left all alone
But will my sherbet dress
Look a mess
If I cut it apart
In the shape of a heart
Chorus:
Table saw
I hear you callin’
Plug you in
You start sawin’
Table saw
Heed my warnin’
If you slip again
I just might lose a limb
Table saw…
“You Give Love a Bad Name,” Bon Jovi
Shot through the skirt
And you’re to blame
Darlin’
You give tulle a bad name
A funky style is what you sell
You promise me fashion, then put me through hell
Overdone kitsch is all I see
Your swiss cheese dress is killing me
You had a loaded gun, yeah
Your skirt had nowhere to run
No one can save this
The damage is done
Shot through the skirt
And you’re to blame
Darlin’
You give tulle a bad name (bad name)
Post-cannon-ball attack, you’re not the same;
You give tulle a bad name (bad name).
You give tulle
A BAD NAME.
Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith:
Makes me wanna close my eyes
Lord, please let me fall asleep
So I’d miss you, babe
And I sure wanna miss that thing.
Fug a la Katy’s Hot N Cold:
Yeah, you cut some holes
To seem out of control
Are you mongering for fame
Or was the skirt aflame?
So much missing cloth
Were there really big moths?
Did you and Russell fight
So he slashed your skirt in spite?
You, you aren’t serious, right?
You just temporarily lost your sight.
You spilled indelible ink
Or had too many drinks
Is there an explanation
For this haphazard creation?!
Been Caught Fugging
Been caught fugging
Once the other night
Didn’t turn out right
It’s just as simple as that
I wore a dress been eaten by a rat
When I wear a dress
I don’t wear all of it
No contest! Loonytick is an LOL songstress(or -ter, who knows?)!
OMG, I just love Kates!!
I Kissed a Girl
I mean, I bit a girl and I liked it
Her dress was scrachy and I chocked on it
I bit that girl, just to try it
she looks like a jungle gym in it
I felt a hole
then I felt no more
I want to play peek-a-boo tonight
I bit a girl and chocked on it
Please change it!
To the tune of “waking up in Vegas”
You gotta help me out….
What is this dress about?
Did someone attack me
With hedge clippers or a chainsaw?
I don’t like to be a bore,
And this dress is not a snore
my stylist told me “remember
This is couture!”
Just, shut up! My dress looks like a fish that’s hurlin’
That’s what you get hosting a gig in Berlin!
I give up! I’m gonna get fugged for sure now,
That’s what you get hosting a gig in Berlin!
-Kelly from College Park, MD
I Fug Alone (to the tune of Steve Perry’s “I Stand Alone”)
I know I look like a Pac Man clone
I embrace fug without fear
You cannot compete with my fug in your face
Just the likes of me are welcome here
Every look fugs
And I know my fug
I fug like no other man
Like every tree stands on its own
Reaching for fugliest I fug alone
I share my fug
With no one else
All by myself I fug alone
Deep in the fugness my dresses shall be
Everything orange–and torn–and twee
Behind these eyes there’s so much to wear
I don’t need your empathy
Every look fugs and I know my fug
My world holds no word to the wise
Like every tree stands on its own
Reaching for fugliest I fug alone
I share my fug with no one else
All by myself…
etc.
To the tune of the Chicago Bears’ “Super Bowl Shuffle,” featuring William “The Refrigerator” Perry:
Katy’s queen of the Fugly Crew
Wearing swiss cheese just for you
This new one sure is intense
Blowing our minds with her fashion nonsense
We sure do like to snark on her
It’s nice she provides such great fodder
She ain’t here to start no trouble
She’s just here to wear a moon crater ruffle
Her name is Katy
A rookie she’s not
We see her on GFY a lot
She’s worn muppets and rubber pants
And fuzzy dice on stage to dance
She has more tricks for us to view
A holey dress in a pumpkin hue
She ain’t here to start no trouble
She’s just here to wear a moon crater ruffle
Perry Como: Delaware
What did Katy wear, Europe?
What did Katy wear?
What did Katy wear, Europe?
What did Katy wear?
She wore torpedoed tulle.
She wore torpedoed tulle.
She wore torpedoed tulle.
That’s what she did wear.
Why would Katy do that?
Why would Katy do that?
Why would Katy do that -
a “Death Becomes Her” play?
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3026689792/tt0104070
Perry Como’s “On The Street Where You Live”
I have often shopped for that perfect dress..
But I never found a true crazy mess
All at once am I several extra inches high
Knowing I’ve cut the tulle where you’ll see..
And oh, the empowering feeling
Just to know that my sanity is near
Oh the undeniable feeling
It is near but will never reappear
People stop and stare, they don’t bother me
I have scissors that are stainless steel you see
And I’ve passed the border of the restraining order
Cuz I’m here on the street where you live.
And oh, the empowering feeling
Just to know my sanity is near
Oh the undeniable feeling
It is near but will never reappear
To the tune of Steve Perry’s “Oh Sherrie”:
And they shouldn’t be gone
Sections of your
Pepto dress
And it shouldn’t be on
So much spray tan
You’re a mess
Oh you must’ve lost a stylist
And she must’ve been somewhat blind
And this should’ve been shorter
Oh Katy, your look
Fugs on! Fugs on!
Oh Katy, your look
Fugs on! Fugs on!
Steve Perry’s – Don’t Stop Believin’
(Chorus)
Don’t stop believin’,
Hold on to that boning knife’
Fishmonger people.
Don’t stop believin’
hold on
boneheaded people
Don’t stop believing,
Omega-3′s for me
Thanks to this salmon colored fish cut dress, Oh yes!
Just a small town girl
Likes it when her dresses twirl
She took microphone
and went on the stage
Just a city boy
Playing with his brand new toy
Took his cannon ball
and went on rampage
A singer in a glitzy room
Explosives with a massive boom
For a sweet dress it has such bad luck
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers shooting
Cannon balls at Katy Perry
Dodging bullets
To the right
Stage lights, screaming
Livin’ just to find lost fabric
Hidin’, somewhere in the night
-Steve Perry, Don’t Stop Believing
Oh man! Minutiae WINS IT—-I fell off my chair laughing.
Fug Emotion
(aka Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith)
Fug emotion
Fug emotion
You talk about things that nobody cares
Wearing other things that nobody wears
You’re dress has been savaged and I gotta make clear
You may be on the list for Fug madness next year
Some boar hog must have eaten your dress
Your get up must go, it’s time you got up and went
It would be good news, don’t call me a liar
If the backstage groove would set your dress on fire
(Song: Mister Sun)
…remix by Katy Perry
Oh Mister Hole, Hole,
Mister Gaping Hole,
Orange you glad you met me?
Oh Mister Hole, Hole,
Mister Gaping Hole,
Please don’t eat my legs.
Oh I am so scared, scared,
Mister Gaping Hole,
of having to go pee.
I’ve been begging
my boyfriend Russ
To please come out
from underneath my truss.
Oh Mister Hole, Hole,
Mister Gaping Hole,
Here’s my question of the day.
If I put more black
eyeliner on and spritz
some extra hairspray
Can you make it all go away?
Oh Mister Hole, Hole,
Please please help me see
The nearest exit to reality!
Journey (includes a Perry)
Just a small town girl
Living in a hole-filled world
She took the fashion train going to Europe
Just a city boy
Born and raised in South Essex
He took the booty train going to the show
A singer in a hole-y tulle
A smell of wine and cheap spray tan
For a smile they can share the stage
It goes on and on and on and on
Don’t stop fug-eiving
hole’d on to that feeling
Fug-light people
to the tune of “Love in an Elevator”
Holes in the lower layer
Lookin’ silly while you sing that song
Holes in the lower layer
Yes, I’m sayin something’s wrong
Wanna be an extra from “Jaws?”
Wanna be a moving sieve?
Gonna store my rabbit in your skirt
He’ll get lots of air!
Holes in the lower layer
Lookin’ silly while you sing that song
Holes in the lower layer
Yes, I’m sayin something’s wrong
Lawnmower accident ‘fore the show?
Encounter with an angry tree?
Forget it, just sashay over here
I gotta strain my rigatoni!
Holes in the lower layer
Lookin’ silly while you sing that song
Holes in the lower layer
Yes, I’m sayin something’s wrong
I can’t think of a way to put this in a song, but she cut the holes so no one would think she had the world’s largest roll of toilet paper hidden under her skirt.
Perry Como’s “Round and Round”
Find a hole, and it goes round, round, round,
In the middle of a dress tho’ that makes no sense
And our shrieks, they make a sound, sound, sound,
As we gaze upon the Fug that we love!
Yes a hole, big and round, round, round,
Plus two wedges cut from tulle, breaking every fashion rule
I don’t know, how she found, found, found
The perfect frock for Friday’s game — which we love!
Bali Ha’i – Perry Como
Most people wear pretty party dresses,
Lost in a sea of sameness.
Some people long for fugly dresses,
One where they know people will look’n'see.
Katy P’s Dress will whisper
In her ear at the hotel
In her heart, she’ll hear it calling
“Cut away, cut away.”
Katy P’s Dress will whisper
Through the night and the day
“Here I am, like a fashion plate!
Cut away, cut away.”
If you try you will find me
Where the scissors meet the tulle
“Here I am, like a fashion plate!
Cut away, cut away.”
to the tune of I kissed a girl
I bit my skirt and I liked it!
I took another bite.
Don’t Stop Believin’, Steve Perry
Just a famewhore girl
Wearin’ clothes to make you hurl
She hacked a big tulle dress
With a chay-een saw…
Two designer boys
Viktor, Rolf and all their noise
They said “You won’t believe
What we just saw…”
Katy’s standing there
Should we hack off all her hair?
Her sense of fashion, well
It’s just wrong and wrong and wrong and wrong…
Please stop! My eyes hurt!
Don’t Stop Believin’, Steve Perry
Just a famewhore girl
Wearin’ clothes to make you hurl
She hacked a big tulle dress
With a chay-een saw…
Two designer boys
Viktor, Rolf and all their noise
They said “You won’t believe
What we just saw…”
Katy’s standing there
Should we hack off all her hair?
Her sense of fashion, well
It’s just wrong and wrong and wrong and wrong…
Please stop! My eyes hurt!
Aerosmith (w/ Joe Perry), Livin’ on the Edge
There’s somethin’ wrong with our girl today
I don’t know what it is
Something’s wrong with our eyes?
We’re seein’ things in a different way
And Kors knows it ain’t his
It sure ain’t no surprise
Katy’s gone over the edge
Katy’s gone over the edge
Katy’s gone over the edge
Katy’s gone over the edge
There’s somethin’ wrong with our girl today
Her skirt’s missin somethin
I can see through to her thigh
If you can tell what’s goin on,
How they cut the circle in…
Then honey you’re a better chick than I
[Chorus:]
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself from fallin’
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself at all
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t stop herself from fallin’
Katy’s gone over the edge
Tell me what you think about this allegation
Laceration – desecration
Is getting to me
Katy Perry told us that she kissed a girl
Even if she hadn’t would we still give her a whirl?
Take a listen, again
I think not my friend
Listen again & again & again & again
Something right with her outfit today
Tho everybody thinks it’s wrong
Take a look at her top…on second thought maybe not
She’s looked like a toilet paper cozy all night long
[Chorus]
Katy’s gone over the edge
Katy’s gone over the edge
Katy’s gone over the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Chorus]
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself
She can’t help herself
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself at all
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself
She can’t help herself
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself
She can’t help herself
Katy’s gone over the edge
She can’t help herself from fallin’
I change my mind like I wish you’d change clothes
I PMS at your dress you should know
And you always act, always dress kitschy-keen
I should know that you’re not gonna change
You’re cute and you’re odd
You’ve got a great bod
But you shout with your voice
And it sounds like white noise
Your sapphic pretence
Just causes offence
And I feel much dismay when you sing “ur so gay.”
Someone call the doctor!
The fashion police are also in order.
Stuck on this hole-rcoaster
Madness bonafide.
Joe Perry (of aerosmith) played guitar on sweet emotion. tenuous at best but still.
Fuuuuuuug in moooooo-tion
Fuuuuuuug in moooooo-tion
You talk about things that nobody cares
You’re wearing out things that nobody wears
You’re sportin couture but I gotta make clear
I can’t say, katy, where you’ll be in a year
Some other fug singer with a face like a gent
Said your get up is fab, now she’s worried and bent.
Well I got good news, she’s a real good liar
‘Cause lady gaga set your pants on fire
(yes she did)
Fuuuuuuug in moooooo-tion
Fuuuuuuug in moooooo-tion
Aerosmith – Hole in My Soul
Please go down a one way street
maybe with Russell Brand
With your Fug track mind
Out to no man’s land
The punishment this time
Might fit this fashion crime
Yeah there’s a hole in your dress
But one thing I’ve learned
For every bad outfit stitched up
There’s another one burned
So you tell me how it’s gonna be this time
(Chorus)
There’s a Hole In that dress
That’s been killing me with fug fever
It’s a place where a garden never grows
There’s a Hole In your dress
Yeah, you should have known better
‘Cause that can’t be improved in any way
Yeah, yeah
Perry Como The Alphabet Song
A – You’re Adorable
B – You’re so Beautiful
C – You’re a Cutie full of Charm.
D – Your Dress has holes in it
E – and the Ends are split
F – For you we shouldn’t show alarm.
G – it looks like Gaga’s hair
H – it Has alot of flare
I – guess we shouldn’t make a fuss.
J – Just like those cute spit curls
K – Keep Kissing all those girls
L – Leave the styling to us.
M,N,O,P (We really hate that dress)
Q,R,S,T (alphabetically speaking you’re a mess!)
U – look like you need a hug
V – you are so Very Fug
W,X,Y,Z…
Its so fun to wonder through
The alphabet with you
Now please burn that damn tragedy.
“Jane Says” by Perry Farrell (aka Jane’s Addiction)
Kate says, I’m done with Georgio,
His skirts aren’t too revealing
She wears
Her fav Viktor and Rolf
It’s from the spring colle-le-le-ction
She says,
I like the look of holes
It’s drafty on my legs
And Russell thinks it’s appeeeeaaa-ling
Russell thinks it’s appealing!
Kate says,
Have you seen my corset too?
West Ham underneath me -
It binds,
But what’s a girl to do?
Russell really liiiiked it.
Kate looks bad,
But she doesn’t cry
She takes the dress and…. she wears it!
She needs some Zoe, but she just don’t know
She styles on her ooo-wwn
She styles on her own!
“Jane Says” by Perry Farrell (aka Jane’s Addiction)
Kate says, I’m done with Georgio,
His skirts aren’t too revealing
She wears
Her fav Viktor and Rolf
It’s from the spring colle-le-le-ction
She says,
I like the look of holes
It’s drafty on my legs
And Russell thinks it’s appeeeeaaa-ling
Russell thinks it’s appealing!
Kate says,
Have you seen my corset too?
West Ham underneath me -
It binds,
But what’s a girl to do?
Russell really liiiiked it.
Kate looks bad,
But she doesn’t cry
She takes the dress and…. she wears it!
She needs some Zoe, but she just don’t know
She styles on her ooo-wwn
She styles on her own!
“Crazy,” by Aerosmith.
She says she’s leavin’ on a 730 plane because she’s hostin’ the VMAs,
Girl had so many wardrobe changes kinda looks like she lost her way,
That burnt orange ball gown,
Has been ravaged by vermin,
Or maybe she frowns,
Because her dress lets in wind.
She’s so crazy, crazy, Katy, she’s so crazy,
She put this on,
Parts are gone,
Yeah she’s crazy.
Crazy, crazy, and her stylist’s really lazy,
What happened here, Katy?
Yes, those are jeers, Katy.
(as an aside: I truly miss Alicia Silverstone, the video vixen).
KP Thinking of You
Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve shown this pic to the Fugnation
Like White Trash Barbie couture for Spring
She picked the fugest one when she could have worn Preen
Viktor & Rolf said this is style
No one had the guts to say it is vile
‘Cause the fugnation is ashamed of her,
ashamed of her, trying not to hurl
If we were the ones with that kind of fame
surely we would never look so completely lame
Starstrukk by 3OH!3 feat. Katy Perry
(the verse Katy sings)
You know that type of swiss just don’t work on me,
All hole-y and trying to expose me,
They said “say cheese;” I took it literally
‘Cause I’m a little buzzed,
It doesn’t really matter who designed this mess,
Could have been a hit but it was a miss,
Let’s look on the bright side of this flop:
W-H-I-Z is not what this was…
The first verse of timmytimp’s song was awesome. I’m in public right now, on my phone, and I started to giggle … causing people to stare.
I know the rules say “Perry” but this song just fits so well: Nancy Sinatra’s “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)”
Katy was host and this dress was toast
But really it was one of her better looks
She also came out in just her underpants
And like she was going to do an icecapdes dance
Bang bang, her dress was shot down
Bang bang, Katy stood her ground
Bang bang, too bad she didn’t stay in her Marchesca gown
Bang bang, then we wouldn’t have to frown.
to the tune of aerosmith’ “cryin’”
was there a time
when kate wasn’t so damn desperate?
when she didn’t dress as her favorite foooods?
today it’s swiss cheese,
tomorrow might be a brisket,
but tell me since when
does a cheese have boooobs?
well listen!
all i want is for her to wear some pants–
to wear something simple and chic but it seems that she just can’t!
So i’ll be CRYIN when she’s on stage
i’ll be DYIN when she’s on the page
of my favorite glossy in something twee!
I’ll be CRYIN for the muppets,
who were SACRIFICED for her outfit,
her style is sweeeet miseryyyy.
Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin (Steve Perry, with Journey)
Do I look like a freak? I wanna cry
I’ve got mascara in my eye
After cuttin’ the stuffin’ outa this unpleasing
prom dress.
When I was alone all by myself
It seemed kind of funny
Now I hate myself
After cuttin’ the stuffin’ outa this unpleasing
Prom dress.
I was tearing tulle apart
For the better part of the day
I was tearing tulle apart!
Oh girl, what can I say? I was tearing tulle apart!
I would feel somewhat worse but I am not alone
Cause my lover, oh, he isn’t at home
Cause he’s under, oooh, the stuffin’,
Of this unpleasing
Prom dress.
He’s tearin’ tulle apart!
Oh girl, what can you say?
Cause if you stop paying attention to us
We really think, girl we’ll die
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
[Open Arms by Journey/Steve Perry]
So now I turn to you
With holey dress
Nothing but air
In bizarre cut-out squares
So here I am, with open knees
Hoping you’ll see, that I’m desperate for press
Open dress
look! we don’t even have to change the lyrics!
Perry Farrell: chip away
Chip away, I’m not ok, so I chip away
Poked a hole right into myself
And inside I found someone
Said I was ok, but I don’t feel easy
(although she DOES like to sing about how easy she feels…)
To the tune of Waking Up in Vegas (from the dress’ perspective)
You gotta fix me up
Before they all see tonight
We need some patches ’cause you got hungry now I’m a joke
You were hung up on vanity but you lost your sanity
Think of the freakin’ dirty looks
From MTV
Let’s get some take out and eat the hell out of Burgertown
Don’t be a baby
Remember that you ate me
Shut up and put your burger where your mouth is
That’s what you get for taking diet pi-ills
Get a milkshake, stop eating all your clothes, now
That’s what you get for taking diet pi-ills
Why are these lights so bright
Oh, did I just hear them right, “Dress looks like a
Bitten Hostess Sno Ball treat”
Don’t call your boyfriend
He’s got his own fashion crime
You got me into this
Hypoglycemic overload, situation lost control
Send out an S.O.S.
And get some take out
You’re gonna eat up the town
Don’t be a baby
Remember that you ate me
Ate me, you ate me, you ate me
Shut up and put your burger where your mouth is
That’s what you get for taking diet pi-ills
Get a milkshake, stop eating all your clothes, now
That’s what you get for taking diet pi-ills
Get the milkshake, shake, shake with your burger, c’mon!
Go get some take out baby
Go get some take out, honey
Katy says:
have you seen my tulle around?
I wanna make a ballgown.
She knows
Shock value is it
That’s ok, man
She ain’t got a Hero
She sez
Russel’s the one for her
Explains that dress she’s wearin’
Dumpin’ McCoy and Sanrio, she’s
Pimpin’ herself for fame
Kissin’ girls for same
vegas wiothout the shame
(parody of “Jane Says,” Perry Ferrell/ Janes Addiction)
Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” as Performed by Her Dress (Or, A Postmodern Cautionary Tale About the Potential Misunderstandings Engendered by Gaping Holes)
This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so [ ], drink in hand
Lost my [ ]
It’s not what I’m used to
Just wanna [ ] you [ ]
I’m [ ] for you
Caught my [ ]
I kissed a [ ] and I liked it
Janie’s Got a Gun – Aerosmith
Katy’s got a gun.
Katy’s got a gun.
Her dress done come undone.
thought she’d have some fun.
What did silly Katy do?
What did she shoot into?
They say when Katy started shooting
they found her dress had lost some parts!
but man it had it coming
It was fuglier than fugly
and it really needed to be changed!
Katy’s got a gun.
Katy’s got a gun.
Her dress done come undone.
thought she’d have some fun.
tell me now it’s untrue
what did silly Katy do?
she jacked a fugly little dress
into weird shaped pieces
they say the spell that she was under
the lightning and the thunder
knew that someone had to shoot that dress!
run away, run away from the fug
run away, run away from the fug
run away, run away, run, run away
what did that Katy do
it’s Katy’s last I-O-U
she had to take the dress down easy
and put a bullet in her train
she said ’cause nobody believes me
the dress was such a fug
it ain’t never gonna be the same
honey honey, what’s the problem
tell me it ain’t right
was it Russell’s scary facial hair that
made you scream at night
Livin’ on the Edge (Aerosmith)
There’s somethin’ wrong with fashion today
I don’t know if it’s guile
Something’s wrong with our eyes
We’re seeing through things in a different way
And God knows it ain’t His style
It sure ain’t no surprise
We’re seein’ through the dress
It’s a peachy tulle mess
Come on now and ‘fess
Don’t keep makin’ us guess
There’s somethin’ wrong with fashion today
The textile workers’ hurt
There’s moths in the factory
If you can judge a chic woman
By the fullness of her skirt
Then mister you’re a better man that me
We’re lookin’ through the selvedge
You can’t help yourself from fallin’
Lookin’ through the selvedge
You can’t help yourself at all
Lookin’ through the selvedge
You can’t stop yourself from fallin’
Lookin’ through the selvedge
To “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
Just a tanned hot mess,
singing in a swiss cheese dress,
She should know not to let Little J
Do her ma-ake-up
Perhaps there was a mishap
when she put her shredder on her lap
Or are flames to blame
for this ‘shion faux pas
“I kissed a girl”
I kissed a girl and she shot me
Put holes in the tulle of my dress
I kissed a girl and she shot me
I hope this was not designer
This dress was never what I planned
Not my intention
I was just hosting, mike in hand
That’s my confession
They aren’t what I’m used to
It’s not how they should behave
This audience was so cruel
I’m still amazed that
They shot up my skirt, but I liked it
Cannon holes in the fabric
They shot up my skirt just to try it
Hope my cold legs don’t mind it
It was so cruel, it was so cold
But it makes my look much more bold
They shot up my skirt, but I like it!
I like it!
Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”
“Hot N Cold” by Katy Perry
This is my dress
As you can plainly see
Not even enemy fire
could keep me off TV
Guess what? Cannon balls
still exist to this day
Bitches, please,
you can’t blow me awaaaaaaaaay
‘Cause it’s red, full of holes
Tight on top, frills below
That’s my thigh, I can’t lie
And it ate all my toes
Nevermind the makeup
Where’s the loo? Must throw up
Where’s the nearest newsstand?
Am I really with RUSSEL BRAND?!
Fug girls!
Just look on the bright side, oh!
Fug girls!
No pink leopard print in sight, oh!
“Jane Says” Jane’s Addiction (Perry Farrell)
Katy says, have you seen those scissors around?
Attacked my dress, now I’m lookin’ like a raaag doll.
I can’t hide. I’m on television.
That’s OK, I’m sure I’d look fugly any way.
“Could that skirt BE any cheesier?”
by Chandler Bing, aka Ms Chanandler Bong, aka Matthew PERRY.
…Yeah, not a song, but come on! That was way too tempting to pass up. I would have tossed and turned all night and forgone eating cookies all day tomorrow if I hadn’t posted this. Now my conscience is clear. Thank you.
“Jane Says” Jane’s Addiction (Perry Farrell)
Katy says, have you seen those scissors around?
Attacked my dress, now I’m lookin’ like a raaag doll.
I can’t hide. I’m on television.
That’s OK, I’m sure I’d look fugly any way.
Oh Holy Night, a la Perry Como:
Oh holy fug,
The light is shining brightly
Through the holes in Katy Perry’s skirt.
Long may her stylist, in sin and error pining,
Be reviled, for horror such as this.
A thrill of shock. A weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious fug.
Fall on your knees
Oh witness new excesses
On MTV
In peach satin and tulle
Oh fug.
Oh holey fug.
I ate my dress and I liked it
taste of Swiss cheese’s fantastic
I ate my dress just to try it
hope my GI won’t mind it
It’s pink and long
I tried a bite
might need some Pepto tonight
I ate my dress and I liked it
I like it
Perry Farrell-Jane Says
Kate says
I’m done with skirts with holes!
I look just like a rag doll
She prides
In her fashion vision
Says, either quirk or nothing!
But if I keep this up, and then?
Hell, I’ll hole punch my body
OR
Try to end the Quirky!
I’m gonna kick the Quirky!
Gonna end the Quirky!
Sung to the tune of “Big Ten Inch” by Aerosmith
Got me the strangest woman
believe me she ain’t no cinch
but I really get her going
when I cut out a big 12 inch
Hole in her pumpkin taffeta
In her pumpkin taffeta
she just love my big 12 inch
ragged hole in her skirt
Last night I tried to tease her
I gave my love a little pinch
on the right side of her poof dress
and I cut another big 12 inch
section from her pumpkin taffeta
from her pumpkin taffeta
she just love my big 12 inch
jagged cut in her skirt
My girl don’t go for smokin’
and liquor just make her flinch
seems she don’t go for nothin’
‘cept for my big 12 inch
tear out of the pumpkin taffeta
of the pumpkin taffeta
she just love that big 12 inch
crazy ass jagged skirt
(To Aerosmith’s “Janie’s Got a Gun”)
Katy’s got a hole
Katy’s got a hole
She allowed herself to be cajoled
Into a dress ruined by a troll
What did her stylist do?
What did she get into?
They say when Katy she was hosting
Didn’t know her dress had been attacked
The top might’ve redeemed it
But now Katy’s got a hole
And the bottom looks so bushwhacked
Katy’s got a hole
Katy’s got a hole
At least the dress isn’t droll
Though her eyes look like she used coal
How did her legs get through?
What did her stylist do?
Perry Como’s A You’re Adorable
A You’re abominable
B Your a broken balloon
C Your a clown full of crinoline
D Damn you’re dress is dreadful
E it’s exactly excreable
F Frankly I don’t know why you didn’t wear that Carol Burnett dress with the cutain rod
G God this song is long!
“Lovin’, Touchin, Squeezin’” by Steve Perry.
The dress looks so fug,
It makes me wanna cry
Just when
You said you’d try
Thinkin’, checkin’,and lookin’ into
The mirror…
You wore Viktor and Rolf
Before Swinton–I’m proud!
But could you have tried
A color less loud?
Silver, Neutral, or Black:
Any’d've been better.
They tore the dress apart,
Yet you wore it anyway.
They tore the dress apart.
Katy, what can I say?
You’re tearin’ me apart…
It won’t be long, no
‘Til you wear Gaga’s bubble dress
Hon, look into pants:
They’ll save J&H tons of stress
They fit, they flatter, and they’re cute!
You’re a shoo-in for Fug Madness,
That much is totally for sure,
If you wanna catch up,
You’ll have to try pasties and more…
Can you look the part?
‘Cause we’re fuggin’, lovingly teasin’
Another
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na
…kissed a girl…
This was never the way I planned, not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion
It’s not what I’m used to, just wanna try it on
I’m curious for hue caught my attention
I wore this dress and I liked it, the big hole in my crazy tulle
I wore this dress just to try it, I hope my fans don’t mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don’t mean I look hot tonight
I wore this dress and I liked it, I liked it
No, I don’t even know the designer, it doesn’t matter
It’s my experimental dress, just girlie fashion
It’s not what good girls do, not what they should wear
My head gets so confused, hard to say
Why I wore this dress and I liked it, pieces of it are missing
I wore this dress just to try it, hope my stylist don’t mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don’t mean I’m freaky tonight
I wore this dress and I liked it, I liked it
Us girls we are so magical, but even we can’t fill in these holes
Hard to resist, so nuts, too good to deny it
It ain’t no big deal, it’s innocent
I wore this dress and I liked it, half off for missing pieces
I wore this dress just to try it, I hope the fug girls don’t mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don’t mean I’m fugly tonight
I wore this dress and I liked it, I liked it
Do You Hear What I Hear
Perry Como
Said the night crowd to the little ham.
“Do you see what I see? (When you’re on the TV?)
Hey, is that your thigh, little ham?
Do you see what I see? (I can see your right knee.)
A star, F.U.B.A.R., dancing in the night
You resemble a pumpkin with blight,
You resemble a pumpkin with blight.”
[Any Way You Want It, by Journey]
Any way you wear it
Any way you say it
Any way you style it
She can’t really sing
She can’t really dance
She really only knows
To wear fugly pants
Oooh all tulle
ALL tulle
Ooh so much tulle
So many holes
So much wrong
So much very wrong
Any way you wear it
Any way you say it
Any way you style it
I’m not alone
I never knew
How hideous a skirt could be
When I saw it
Then I barfed
What are those holey things?
Oooh all tulle
ALL tulle
Ooh holey tulle
So many holes
So very wrong
So much very wrong
A la “I Kissed A Girl”
Hacked up my dress and I liked it,
huge crazy holes no problem.
Hacked up my dress just to try it,
Desperate plea for attention.
Salmon so bright,
Tulle tried to fight,
Wearing my Beetlejuice make up.
Hacked up my dress it’s so fugly,
So fugly.
Aerosmith’s “Pink”:
Katy could be a flamingo
Fug is her new kinda lingo
She looks like a deco umbrella
It’s fug – that’s what we always tell her
Pink, it was fug at first sight
Pink, can’t I turn out the light?
Pink, she looks high as a kite
And I think she thinks it’s all right
No matter what she wears tonight
Katy wants to be Russell’s lover
He wants to wrap her in rubber
As fug as the clothes that she puts on
Fug is her favorite crayon
Pink, it was fug at first sight
Pink, can’t I turn out the light?
Fug, it’s like ug, but not quite
And I think she thinks it’s all right
No matter what she wears tonight
“Hole in My Life,” by the Police.
There’s a hole
Near my thigh
There’s a hole
Near my thigh
Cat in laundry cart
Is tearing it apart
Or maybe it’s just something
From Wal-Mart?
There’s a hole
Near my thigh
There’s a hole
Near my thigh
Be a stylish chick
With edgy kind of schtick,
Or maybe I’m just trying
Far too hard
There’s something missing from my gown
Stylist’s scissors cut me down
It leaves me vulnerable
To every last breeze
Playing peek-a-boo like this,
Such a cheap tease
O, there’s a hole
Near my thigh
There’s a hole
Near my thigh
Amazing by Aerosmith
She keeps the fug dresses on
And throws the cute ones out
No one needs x-ray vision to see through that strange skirt
There were times in her life
When she was a Christian
Tryin’ to be
A good girl
Then she lost her mind
And she kissed a girl
Yeah, one thought she was lezzy, but just really did it for fun
It got tired so fast
She was livin’a lie
I was wishin’ she’d say
Buh-bye!
It’s so fugly
With the blink of an eye you finally see the dress
It’s so fugly
When the moment arrives that you start craving some cheese
It’s so fugly
And I’m saying a prayer for that poor Rusell Brand tonight
That one last gig at MTV was stupid
And how high can she sing with a broken voice as this?
Her “shock” journey reaches its destination
And you just can tell she’s a wonder of one hit
It’s so fugly
She hangs out with people like P. Hilton and such
It’s so fugly
I remember the time she had fruit on her boobs
It’s so fugly
And I’m saying a prayer for that desperate hag tonight
Desperate Hag!
Desperate Hag!
(Steven Tyler gibberish)
Sung to “Crazy” by Aeorsmith
Say I never should have flied coach on my way to Euuurope, now look.
Man I went through some things that should only happen in a horror book!
Got two black eyes
From a flight attendant accidentally making me fall!
It made me so punchy
thought I was going with beatlejuice to the orange creamsicle ball!
I look crazy, crazy, wow do I look crazy!
Got attacked, ain’t no fun-
Dress shot by a gun-
I look crazy, crazy, I’m on MTV and I look crazy!
What can I do, honey?
Who knew how much mice could chew!
Katy Perry (to the tune of “Oh Sherrie” by Steve Perry)
Your fashion’s so wrong
Tell me, girl, are you for real?
The pieces don’t belong
That orange makes my eyes peel
Oh, for fame you’re a schemer
Should’ve gone to someone else
Career should’ve been over
Katy Perry, what fug
Come on! Come on!
Katy Perry, what fug
Come on! Come on!
Oh I wanna say no
Your clothes are hurtin’ me
You’d be nothing on your own
If it weren’t for publicity.
Katy Perry, what fug
Come on! Come on!
Katy Perry, what fug
Come on! Come on!
To the tune of “When the Lights Go Down In the City”
When he bit a chunk of my skirt here
Then took scissors over there
I said ,”Russ, put a hole
about mid-thigh”
Go- oh- oh. Na-Na-nanana.
“I Stand Alone” (by Steve Perry, from the movie Quest For Camelot; with a lyrical cameo from The Farmer In The Dell)
I hear each sigh, whisper, gasp and groan
Issued from the audience
You can only imagine how I feel
Trying to keep up this pretense
Am I pleased with this satorial choice?
Just look at my face, ignore my voice
I should have know better than to put on display
A sabotaged piece from Project Runway
Like bloody cheese that stands alone
Hi-ho, the derry-oh, I’m on my own
I share the stage with no one else
Oh, Tim Gunn, help! I stand alone!
Well, so much of this song is funny as-is when just thinking about this, but to the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’,” we have a snippet of, “Don’t Stop Fuggin’:
Working hard to try to be cool
You just can’t get enough tulle
We’d pay you anything to NOT wear the dice
But not this time
Some in Hello Kitty, some as fruits
Some were born to wear shiny jumpsuits
Oh the fugging never ends
It just goes on and on and on and on
And I Love You So – Perry Como
And I love you, holes!
The people ask me how
How I’ve dressed ’til now
I tell them I don’t know
I guess they understand
How boring fashion’s been
But life began again
The day I hacked this hem
And yes I know, how boring skirts can be
Their fullness tortures me
My stylist won’t agree
But I don’t let the bastards get me down
Now that the scissors is around
O Holy Night
O holy dress! Is that a topiary?
On this night that Miss Perry was host.
Long layers of tulle, and her makeup is quite scary,
She looks insane! Has she overdosed?
Wearing that, The Europeans hate her,
Whose gown is that? If mine, I would deny it
Whaaaaat made those holes? A saw… or a cheese grater?
O mauled hemline, Oh my God, this makes me sick.
O mauled hemliiiiiiiine, O hemline, O mauled hemline.
HotnHole
Cause you’re hot then you’re hole
You’re tule, then you’re hole
You’re in, then you’re out
You’re up, then you’re down
You’re too wrong to be right
It’s black and it’s white
We fight, I rip you up
We kiss, we make up
You!
Don’t really want to stay, no-o
you!
Don’t really want to go
“Janie’s Got a Gun”
Russell Ate Her Dress
Yum, yum, yum: A masticated mess
Yum, yum, yum: Used for loofahs and dress
yum, yum, yum: A masticated mess
yum, yum, yum: Please confess! Please confess!
Russell ate her dress
Russell ate her dress
In tangerine distress
Put on MTV’s largesse
A great pile of orange poo!
With holes you can see right through!
She says it’s Russell that molested,
But maybe it’s her need for fame
Not dentyne he was gummin’
Because Russell ate her dress
For once it’s not poor taste to blame
Sung to 2 rounds of the chorus of Oh Sherrie by Steve Perry
Oh Katy, what going on?
So wrong! So wrong!
Oh Katy why did you wear
A ball gown to a daycare?
They turned you into arts and crafts
With their scissors and now you’re getting laughs
You look deranged but at least you’re aware
They know how to cut a circle and square
“The Box” by Katy Perry
Then it hit me, Maybe bit me
Then I knew, quite a few would not fug with me
I didn’t know exactly what I would be showing
But I had to wear this dress, on me, glowing
I started dressing in a hole-y orange box
Cutting out holes where I always used to stop
Living a hole-y orange box
‘Cause I’m not gonna be anybody that I’m not
I always knew this day would come
When I went off my rocker, found a fug-nation
I’ll be dressing on the other side
Come hell or hole cutter, every moment I’m a fug
Then it hit me
You won’t permit me
To cut holes in my dress
Just because it doesn’t fit me
Oh, living in a hole-y box
Oh, living in a hole-y box
Oh, living in a hole
Compliments aren’t easily done
Once you’ve got your dress
On Fug nation
Like an old prom dress
That you got for free
Get the hole-punch out
for the ceremony
Katy’s fashion is no-show
I guess Russel Brand is all she will know
What’s wrong with this now?
A thing or two,
Can’t see a shoe,
What would you do
If you were the one who was
Hosting tonight
wear something bright?
and cut it up to steal Gaga’s limeliiiight…
Katy Perry’s “Thinking Of You”
To the tune of “Faithfully” by Steve Perry (Journey)
“That’s the one!
Orange like the setting sun…
I’ve got to have that gown!”
Katy cried
“Bless your heart…”
said the homeless guy
“A dollar and it’s yours!”
And she complied.
You could say that Katy
took advantage of that homeless man
But who else on Earth would buy this crazy thing?
A grease-stained top
and gouges where tulle is supposed to be
Somewhere
He’s eating soup and laughing
That’s why I’ll forever adore
Katy Perry
To Katy Perry’s “Waking up in Vegas”
LiLo what did you do to me?
You were all a slur last night
We need a dress because you’re cracked out and I’m screwed
You Ungaro’d me, but you you wouldn’t let me be
Spare me your drunkin’ rants and rages
Now Don’t Blame Me
You want to keep cracked out and embarrass the hell out of me
CHORUS
Dont be a baby
Remember what you told me
Cut holes out and put leggings where your dress is
That’s what you get for Lindsay and Ungaro
Stand up and wear a dress full of holes, now
That’s what you get for Lindsay and Ungaro
To the tune of “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey (I heart Steve Perry.)
Just a crippled girl
Was missing both of her legs
She took a cannonball to her upper left thigh
…
Don’t stop wearing that dress
Hold on to it for at least one more night
Nobody will notice that hole
OOoooAHHHH!!!
“I’ve gotta accentuate the insanity
Cuddle close to tulle inanity
Russell Brand’s my new calamity
I’ve got the good sense of a lima bean.”
“I spread my joy WAY up to the maximum
Poppin’ holes WAY up to my stern-i-um
Look close: see my vag-I-n-ium
Soon Russ’ll have me having up fourteen”
{ed note: While he’s the only guy upon the scene.
Sorry.}
(“To illustrate my last remark
My Bible-toting parents spark,
Occasionally they even BARK, but
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark?”)
Man, they said we better
Accentuate salmon-effluvia
Plaster on the drip-mascaria
Chop holes from centrifug-ia
& Let her mess w/ always In-Between
Mess w/ Mister Meat who’s In-Between
Chick on chick on chick, some not quite keen.
Genetics responsible for lima bean.
They learned from kissing girls
they wouldnt scream.
Just cut her clothes
til scarcely they’ll be seen.
[sorry to como, to bingo, to mercer, to midler, to etc & ect--they all sang &/or wrote it. now me.
then again, i prefer perry ferrell's rat-eating. i wish i couldve done perry ferrell. then again, i guess i could have. l'chaim. {absolutely no meanness intended.} i've got a great story about perry ferrell.]
achem. i forgot to sign my name to the abovenoted. i guess i was too embarrassed. think of me as anonymous if you like. i always do.
To the tune of Stop! By Jane’s Addiction:
STOP.
Loving Touching Squeezing by Journey
This makes me weep and wanna die,
Swiss Cheese, Fish Face Dress, tell me why?
You cut all those holes in your mounds of tulle?
On my hands & knees, watch me crawl,
Seems like you must have used a Sawz-All,
To cut all those holes in your mounds of tulle,
You tore this dress apart,
And it’s confusing at best,
You tore this dress apart,
But at least you covered your breasts,
You tore this dress apart,
It seems far too long, yeah, when it’s compared,
To the bedazzled, pant-less rompers, you usually wear,
And you cut all those holes in the mounds of tulle!
You tore this dress apart,
You could have just shorn the skirt down,
Instead you tore this dress apart,
You look like a festive clown,
With your choice of the holes in the mounds of tulle!
Now it’s my turn, girl, to cry…
(insert Six Part harmony of “Wah, Wah, Wah-Wah, Wah, Wah”
Loving Touching Squeezing by Journey
This makes me weep and wanna die,
Swiss Cheese, Fish Face Dress, tell me why?
You cut all those holes in your mounds of tulle?
On my hands & knees, watch me crawl,
Seems like you must have used a Sawz-All,
To cut all those holes in your mounds of tulle,
You tore this dress apart,
And it’s confusing at best,
You tore this dress apart,
But at least you covered your breasts,
You tore this dress apart,
It seems far too long, yeah, when it’s compared,
To the bedazzled, pant-less rompers, you usually wear,
And you cut all those holes in the mounds of tulle!
You tore this dress apart,
You could have just shorn the skirt down,
Instead you tore this dress apart,
You look like a festive clown,
With your choice of the holes in the mounds of tulle!
Now it’s my turn, girl, to cry…
(insert Six Part harmony of “Wah, Wah, Wah-Wah, Wah, Wah”
To the tune of “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey
Just a small town girl livin’ in a Christian world
Then she kissed a girl and was everywhere
Just a fluffy dress with a puffy coral skirt
she took a pair of shears and cut anywhere…
Singer on a hazy stage,
I can see right through your skirt
Because there is a hole in it,
my eyes see on and on and on and on
Angles, Layers
you look like a piece of cheese
left-o-ver after a party
Now I’m hungry
for a piece of swiss or jarlsberg
on a triscuit or saltine
Looking right through your dress
I’m sure this is a commentary
on the nature of the universe
it goes on and on and on and on
Angles, layers
You look like a wedding cake
that someone attacked with a spork
I like icing
buttercream or otherwise
now I’m hungry again
I won’t stop believing
that your dress is edible
that would make it worthwhile
etc…
To Katy’s “Hot N Cold,” dedicated to good ol’ Russell:
You changed your mind
And you chainsawed my clothes
Yeah, you didn’t like
This new gown
Should’ve known
And you always act
Never just tell me facts
That princess
Is not the look for me
You slice as you go
You say “yes!” but think “no”
On the blogs they say “gross”
Your embarassment shows
You’re wrong ’bout this dress
It’s my tulle success!
Don’t care what you’ve done
I’ve worn it and won
You, you don’t really wanna speak up
Yeah, you would rather cut my clothes up
‘Cause you’re acting real cold
You say “wow!” but mean “woah”
While I was in town
You sliced a piece out
We used to be just like twins, so in sync
To match your top hat
I would wear something pink
I once loved Swiss Cheese
Now I can’t
You’re crazy
Should’ve known
Not to leave the dress alone
Perry Farrell ‘Been Caught Stealing’
I’ve been caught fugging;
just about all my life…
I enjoy fugging.
It’s just as simple as that.
Well, it’s just a simple fact.
When I wear something,
I don’t want to pay for it.
I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! Probably should
have walked right back! Walk right back!
I’m a girl, a weird one too.
I’ll go and get me a shirt.
Tuck it into my skirt.
Grabbed a razor for me.
And then just like that.
I tore the hell of this up
Just like that…
And then walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey, all right! I get by, it’s mine,
Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine…
Big holey mess…
To the tune of Steve Perry’s “Don’t Stop Believin’”
Just a singing girl
Trying to shock the world
Blew holes straight through this huge dress with my welding torch
Just acetylene
Or shit, is this propylene?
Blew holes straight through this huge dress with my welding torch
A singer in a smoky room
The smell flames and melting tulle
This time I’ll even out-Fug myself
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waiting
Filling up the O2 arena
Get me 3 pounds of eyeliner STAT
Pretty pink lips
But the rest of it screams “bat shit”
Does this Mic make me look fat?
Did you see that Beyonce?
I need to compete, okay?
It’s either this or some peace sign pasties paired with plastic shorts
Some will win, some will lose
Who gives a crap, my outfit rules
My fug antics will never end
It goes on and on and on and on
Strangers waiting
Filling up the O2 arena
Get me 3 pounds of eyeliner STAT
Pretty pink lips
But the rest of it screams “bat shit”
Does this Mic make me look fat?
Don’t stop believin’
Publicity achievin’
Means big cash for KATY
Don’t stop believin’
Publicity achievin’
Means big cash for KATY
Don’t stop believin’
Publicity achievin’
Means big cash for KATY
After “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey (sung by Steve Perry, who I used to serve iced tea to!)
It’s just a crazy dress
Russell came and made a mess
He grabbed some big-ass shears
cut holes everyyyywhere…
She’s just a smudge faced girl
Livin in Miss Gaga’s world
She fugged the EMA’s
it went on and on and on and onnnnnnnnnn
Don’t stop believin’
Your dress might still keep heeeeaaaling!
Swiss cheese is tasty
but not clothes!!
(Sweet Guitar solo)
Sung to the tune of “Walk This Way” by Stephen Tyler and Joe Perry, Aerosmith
She starts singin’
With the boys in tune
And her skirt flyin’ up in the air
Singin’ hey diddle diddle with a hole in the middle
And cutouts like she just don’t care
So she took a big chance
With a big orange flance
Like a missy who was ready to play
It wasn’t me she was foolin’
Cause she knew what she was doin’
Cutting edge the Katy Perry way
To the tune of It’s a Good Day by Perry Como
Seemed like a good day for being outside
Then I got bit by Rats of Unusual Size
Don’t you know it makes me feel just like Princess Bride
Good day from morning til night
Yes, it’s a good day to look like a fool
Yes, it’s a good day for losing some tulle
Got attacked yes, but hey it’s all cool
It’s a good day from morning til night
When I woke up this morning, I was feeling so good
Need an exterminator in my neighborhood
But still it’s a good day, like it or not.
I’m zen now, I got my rabies shot
Yes it’s a good day to look like a fool
Yes it’s a good day for losing some tulle
Got attacked yes, but hey it’s all cool
It’s a good day from morning til night.
I kissed a girl, by Katy Perry
This was not the way I planned, not my intention
To go for this girl with fashion sense from another dimension
It’s not really my style, but I still want to try it out
This wholly Barbie explosion, complete with cherry-chapsticked pout
I kissed a girl; and enjoyed myself
A porcelain clown doll to put on my shelf
I kissed a girl; then practically burst
And let’s be honest, on her, we’ve seen a lot worst
It felt so wrong, it felt so right
To really like an outfit that’s so clearly a fright
I kissed a girl and enjoyed myself
I enjoyed myself
Sure there’s lots to criticize, I know this
Yet this ensemble won me over with just one kiss
Not inspired by Henson, Hello Kitty, or banana cream pie
It’s holes in a prom dress, but I wish it was mine
I kissed a girl; and enjoyed myself
Lost in the folds of her pink taffeta dress
I kissed a girl; that’s all I’m sharing
She wore the dress my bridesmaids will be wearing
It felt so wrong, it felt so right
This punctured salmon-coloured delight
I kissed a girl; and enjoyed myself
I enjoyed myself
Us girls we are so dramatic
Long legs, small waist, made up like an addict
I know you’ll ridicule, and on that be emphatic
A dress that’s like a big pink poufy cake,
If a stripper popped out, would we even double take?
I kissed a girl; enjoyed myself
Here’s the truth, I also really liked her dress
I kissed a girl; yah, her get up was whack
But I still had to inquire, is it available in black?
Chorus from Journey’s “Only the Young”
What the fug can we say?
Her skirt was blown away
One big hole through the tulle
Rogue clippers are so cruel
“Don’t want to see that Dress” to the tune of Aerosmith’s “Don’t wanna miss a thing”
I have seen this dress, somewhere over the rainbow
Watched the good witch guide Dorothy home
In a sparkly ensemble like so
But it’s different now, the good witch would be so sad
Her pink beauty lost its sleeves and shoulder pads
Just when you think that’s all, it really gets bad!
Just want to close my eyes
I think the seamstress fell asleep
Cause she wrecked that dress
and the dress looks like a mess.
Cause even though the top fits well
It’s still real easy to tell
that she wrecked the dress
and now the tulle is in distress.
Lying down in the Project Runway dress shop
Tim Gunn came in to suggest she “Chop”
But the girl just couldn’t stop
So the dress lost sleeves,
a chunk here and a chunk there,
Then a big circle came out of her “you know where”
you..know…where
Just want to close my eyes
I think the seamstress fell asleep
Cause she wrecked that dress
and the dress looks like a mess.
Cause even though the top fits well
It’s still real easy to tell
that she wrecked the dress
and now the tulle is in distress.
I don’t want to tell you now
But Katie it’s a bad idea
To agree to wear
Project’s best attempts on the air
The contestants have no idea
What a costume for the EMAs
Should look like when you’re on stage
So take it back,
to get a dress that’s in tact!
Just want to close my eyes
I think the seamstress fell asleep
Cause she wrecked that dress
and the dress looks like a mess.
To Perry Como’s A Hatchet, A Hammer, A Bucket of Nails
“A scissors, a corset, a spool of tulle
an’ all the minibar’s booze
I’ll build me a cheese dress to wear on a stage
got no dignity left to lose…
where the eye makeup’s too dark
where the hair is a mess
One more fuggy outfit isn’t a surprise to me
but she should have gone with less!”
I call this, “Don’t Stop Swiss-cheesing”
To the chorus of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing
You’re one cla-
ssy dame.
Look like a ballerina gone insane.
Anyone else would feel ashamed.
Was she caught in
A snare?
Can’t even tell if her legs are there.
No girls will kiss her toNIGHT!
Perry Farrel (Jane’s Addiction): “Jane Says”
Kate says…
I’m done with giant moths.
They eat my clothes to rags, y’all
Kate says
Have you seen my dressing gown?
I’ll be naked without it.
…
Kate says, I ain’t ever been this shamed.
I know you might be shocked.
But I can say I am embarrassed.
(EDIT: small change in the refrain from a previous post)
“Hot N Cold” by Katy Perry
This is my dress
As you can plainly see
Not even enemy fire
could keep me off TV
Guess what? Cannon balls
still exist to this day
Bitches, please,
you can’t blow me awaaaaaaaaay
‘Cause it’s red, full of holes
Corset top, tule below
That’s my thigh, I can’t lie
And it ate all my toes
Nevermind the makeup
Where’s the loo? Must throw up
Where’s the nearest newsstand?
Am I really with RUSSEL BRAND?!
Fug girls!
Just look on the bright side, oh!
Fug girls!
No pink leopard print in sight, oh!
Some Enchanted Evening
(recorded by Perry Como, but actually from Rogers’ & Hammerstein’s South Pacific)
Some enchanted evening,
You may see a ball gown.
You may think it’s just right
For hosting MTV.
Then cut a big hole
Right into one side!
Who can explain it?
Who can tell me why?
Don’t run with scissors,
Do not even try!
Some enchanted evening,
You may feel a cool breeze.
You may notice sadly,
That half your skirt is gone.
But just don’t look down.
And just soldier on!
Once you have cut it,
Maybe they won’t know.
But once you have cut it,
Fug. Won’t. Let. It. GOOOOOOOOOOO!
Don’t Stop Believin’, Steve Perry
Just a cracked-out girl?
Giving a new style a whirl
A big rat ate her dress
Why does she look so tall?
Some designers toy
With getting Katy unemployed
So they break into the toolshack and find the saw…
Perry’s mouth’s ajar?
She says “isn’t that going too far?”
She shrugs and reaches for the eyeliner
Puts more and more and more and more
Please stop! Fugging!
Was it just the fumes of spray tan
Blocking sense from your mi-i-ind
Should have refused it
Prom plus swiss cheese doesn’t make couture
Alien, go find your own kind.
To the tune of “Somebody’s Baby”, theme song of a certain young Perry’s Pizza employee.
Well, just-a look at that girl with the lights shining through her thighs.
She always be scratching her scabies
She gougin’ out chunks from those scabies.
All the guys on the corner stand back and let her walk on by.
She wantsa be somebody’s scabie
Hey it’s better than havin the rabie
She’s gotta be somebody’s scabie
Russell declines.
It could be she got in a swag bag fight
Or her tulle has blight.
Nah, she’s definitely full of the scabies, all right.
Don’t Stop Believin’
Just a big orange mess, hosting in this fugly dress!
She took a pair of shears and cut everywhere.
She always wanted to be, Peaches N’Cream Barbie
She’s got the stiff bent arms and the big blank stare.
A singer on a backlit stage
she cut her dress with blinded rage
Her makeup chair stayed empty tonight
Eyeliner went on and on and on and on!
Please stop! Swiss cheesin’
Berlin must be freezin’
Smudged black, peepers!
Led Zepplin’s/Whole Lotta Love
You need coolin’
But, baby, I’m not foolin
You never passed your fashion schoolin’
Way, way down inside
Your lycra-encased thighs
Gonna get some air
Gonna get some air
Oh!
Cut some holes your dress
[RRRAAARRR]
You’re a hot peachy mess
[RRRAAARRR]
Cut some holes in your dress
[RRRAAARRR]
You’re a hot peachy mess
Waaaay dooown inside…
whoa-man!
You need…air
(To the tune of Katy’s “Hot n’ Cold”)
You’ve taken shears
To your best peach tulle.
Snip, snip- now your frock
Has a leggings display,
This dress, surely your stylist told you to doff-
Have you done something to piss her off?
‘Cause your dress has got holes
Your crotch must get cold,
Have knee length or calf,
But both? that’s a laugh.
Up top: you’re an ace,
Below, a disgrace-
And I’m on the fence
‘Cause these holes don’t make sense.
Hey! Don’t forget about that Russ chap,
Whoa! He’ll be busy minding your gaps.
‘Cause your dress has got holes
And bless your sweet soul,
This fugging, I think
Will drive me to drink.
Get this party started (songwriter Linda Perry)
I’ve cut some tulle
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started
Get this skirt cut up for an MTV night
Everybody’s sure the moths have arrived
Hosting the awards show I am sure to impress;
I’ll be looking legless in my Tangerine dress
I got lots of style, check my geometry
I can cut some tulle if you know what I mean.
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started (i’m cutting up i’m cutting)
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started
Firing up the clippers, slicing out a big piece
Trimming through the left side
I’ll be watching for feet
Viktor and Rolf are freaking as I’m snipping real fast
I’ll be scribing circles, they’ll be kissing my ass
Stand up at the stage front, call up all the stars
And marvel at my new gown with odd looking scars …
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started (i’m cutting up you better)
I’ve cut some tulle so you better get this party started (get this party started)
“Blue Skies” by Perry Como
Blue skies, smilin’ at me
Through that big hole beside your knee
Strange girl, singin’ a song
I can see through what you’ve got on!
Never saw the sun shinin’ so bright
Never saw no one take a bite
Did you hide Russel Brand in there
And those are the holes he cut for air?
Fabric, where has it gone?
A shoot-out at the prom’s what you’ve got on!
“Please Look at Me”
(Parody of “Send in the Clowns” as done by Perry Como @ 1981)
What’s going on? Is that a moth?
Somehow my dress is full of holes, and it’s
half gone.
Do you find me strange? A glutton for fame?
I say I’m cute, but you say I’m lame.
Please look at me! You ought to see me!
Just when I thought I had your gaze,
Gaga came along and created a craze!
I am so desperate, I chewed up my gown
Sure you would smile, I see a frown.
Look through the holes. Look at my face.
Look at my feet or look at my waist!
You ought to see me! Please, look at me.
You call me fug, to wear what I do
But, you know you want to be me instead of you!
You ought to see me! Please, look at me!
Don’t make me go nude!
Dream on, Aerosmith
Every time that Katy looks in the mirror
All those holes in her dress getting clearer
The tulle is gone
Like a huge spitwad pompon
Just another day
When Katy’s stylist has hell to pay
Yeah, I know nobody knows
From where it comes. It never goes.
Katy’s stylist’s fuggin aesthetic
After awhile it seems pathetic
sorry. I forgot to add the echo to that syllable
Dream on continued…
ick, ick, ick, ick,
(I Kissed a Girl)
This was never the way I planned
But R-Zoe failed me
Sent me a ballgown dress so bland
It almost ailed me
It’s not what I’m used to –
Hot pants and pleather —
I knew just what to do
To make it better
I shot my dress, and I liked it
Thigh holes attract the fellas
It’s so unique, cannot buy it
Ga-Ga will be so jealous
It looks so wrong but feels so right
I’ll be E! every night
I shot my dress and I liked it
And I liked it
Katy Loves Fugmo!
(Sung to the tune of Perry Como’s Papa Loves Mambo)
Katy loves fugmo!
How she loves fugmo!
Look at that dress she wears, it is so full of tears.
She made it with her shears! OH!
Katy loves fugmo!
She is so fugmo!
Got a dress you can see through
It ain’t a muu-muu!
You’ll want one, too! OH!
Katy loves fugmo!
You can be fugmo!
It ain’t so hard you see
Just dress as crazily
And a pop-tart you’ll be! OH!
To Katy Perry’s Hot N’ Cold:
Cuz I’m punched full of holes.
I say yes, you scream no.
Some parts are torn out.
That’s what I’m about.
It gives you a fright.
The shade’s way too bright.
I know I look wack.
When Scissors Attack.
You must be blind,
You should go change your clothes,
Yeah you, look a mess, like a witch or a hobo,
And you, always drink, always reek, royally
Oh wait no,
That’s a Winehouse named Amy
Stop cutting those holes,
Forget looking bold,
If you’re still in doubt,
Throw those scissors out,
It’s only one night,
You’ll soon get it right,
We might just wake up,
With you in a great getup
WE! We don’t really wanna say, no
YOU! That you are just beyond hope, oh
Stop cutting those holes,
Forget looking bold,
If you’re still in doubt,
Throw those scissors out
(I Kissed a Girl)
I pissed a squirrel off, and I guess
It chewed through my cherry-hued dress.
I pissed a squirrel off, and god bless,
Now I’m my normal hot mess.
It felt so wrong,
It felt ho-hum,
‘Til that rodent went and ate some.
I pissed a squirrel off–thank goodness!
Thank goodness!
Whoops, forgot to put that my entry was to “Hot N Cold” by Katy
Jane’s Addiction – Been caught stealing…
I’ve been caught wearing;
Once, I shoulda’ been wise…
I like to cut out holes.
It didn’t work out too well.
Well, it’s just one out of twelve.
When I want attention,
I lose my sense of self.
Well I walk right on the stage.
Yes, I walk right on the stage!
Head held high! It’s my design.
I lost my mind! My oh my! Oy!
Yeah, fug girls they thought too,
It was out of control.
It was a swiss cheese skirt.
Cut haphazardly.
And I did it just like that.
When I think about it,
I guess it could’ve been worse.
Yeah, I walked right on the stage.
Yeah, I walked right on the stage!
Head held high! Try not to cry.
I lost my mind! Must be blind! It’s day-glo!
I turned to ask Russell,
He was aghast.
He said nothing cause
He still wanted some ass!
So I did it just like that.
Looking like something that
Shouldn’t be let out of the house.
I walked right on that stage.
I walked right on that stage.
Hey, I’m fine! It’s all the time,
Lose my mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, my mind, my mind. Lose my mind!
Katy’s Hot and Cold
You grip the mike, there are holes in your clothes
Swiss cheese by the knees and a pink skirt that glows
And you, smiling face, raccoon eyes, full of pride
Now the show – levitate dead Barbie bride!
Your proportions are skewed
Your corset is lewd
The boning you’re sure
Ain’t just for couture
You like to be wild
But you need a new style
Your look could be grand
You don’t need Mystic Tan
You, you really truly love the stage, oh
But Russell Brand is a phase, no?
(To the Tune of Aerosmith’s I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing)
“I Don’t Want To Miss A Fug”
I should ask you Katy just what ARE you up to?
Won’t you smile while you’re emceeing?
In your holey dress, you’re seething
You shouldn’t spend your life in some fugly surrender
But I could stay lost in your fugness forever
Where every day’s a new outfit – it’s a fug-filled adventuuure.
I don’t want to call a stop
to your bat-shit crazy clothes
Cause I’d miss you Perry
And I don’t want to miss a [costume] change
Cause who best flaunts her peacock crotch,
Muppet barf or Vegas props?
Hands down, YOU Katy
And I don’t want to miss a fug.
You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby – Perry Como (he didn’t write it originally, but what the heck)
You must have been a fug-a-ly baby,
You must have been a totallyridiculous child.
When you were only startin’
to go to kindergarten,
I bet you made all the little-boys’-mothers uncomf’terbleeee.
And when it came to getting attention,
You must have shown the other kids how.
I can see the EMAs director’s eyes,
as the curtain revealed that crazy pink swiss-cheese dress.
I bet he had a heart attaaaack
Oooohh, you must have been a fug-a-ly baby,
cause baby look at you now.
(you’re kinda scary)
Baby, look at you now.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
Couldn’t stop staring at the hole in your side,
But then I spent time thinking about your many other wrongs,
And thought, hey, at least it’s long!
And so you’re back, up on that stage
You just walk in and find your way to be featured on this page
You could choose the crazy gown
Or you could turn the madness down
But you know all too well where the cameras will be
Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now,
At least its not muppets anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried pull off a giant fruit?
Did you think that we’d crumble? Did you think it was a hoot?
Oh, no not you! It’s all just Perry
Oh as long as you’re allowed out, you will be kinda scary
You’ve got the leggings, you never leave ‘em begging
You will be fugly, you will be fugly, hey, hey
(“I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor)
Song: I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing (Aerosmith – Joe Perry)
(First verse)
Ma-a-gician’s girl, chopped in half no lee-egs,
To hide the accident,
And so we wouldn’t all lament,
Added styorofoam in an orange eye poppin’,
And just when we thought the crazy was stopping
Well, then they started cutting out shapes
Eew, the squeak! Please be stopping….
(Chorus)
I really wanna close my eyes
But it’s only gonna lead to nightmares
Cause that skirt, Katy –
Your torso’s floatin’ on foam
Start to see you’ve lost a lot of blood,
That or it’s vampire make up (fug),
It’s that skirt, Katy –
Your torso’s floatin’ on foam
Song: I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing (Aerosmith – Joe Perry)
(First verse)
Ma-a-gician’s girl, chopped in half no lee-egs,
To hide the accident,
And so we wouldn’t all lament,
Added Styrofoam in an orange eye poppin’,
And just when we thought the crazy was stopping
Well, then they started cutting out shapes
Eew, the squeak! Please be stopping….
(Chorus)
I really wanna close my eyes
But that’s only gonna cause nightmares
Cause that skirt, Katy –
Your torso’s floatin’ on foam
Start to see you’ve lost a lot of blood,
That or it’s vampire make up (fug),
It’s that skirt, Katy –
Your torso’s floatin’ on foam
I been caught singen
Once, at 25.
About kissen girls
And not sleepen with them
Well its just a simple fact.
I can wear this dress if I cut a hole through i-it.
And I sliced some, out the sides.
Sliced some out the sides.
Hey all right, I get by. Its mine. Mine all mine.
Yeah I don’t want look like you
I gotta get a skirt
I gotta get a skirt, could you grab a razor for me?
And I did it, just like that.
When char your something you can wear it on your chest!
And I walk right, through the door.
I’m not one of my boyfriend’s whores.
He’s all right. I’ll get by.
From the Katy Perry co-penned “I Do Not Hook Up”
Oh, oh, I do not get
Your, your
Quirky dress
But if it were me, I couldn’t pull off
Half the outfits and unitards you wear then doff.
So, so, I give credit
Where where
Credit’s due
But the crazier your clothes,
the more I don’t know
If you’re cute or nuts.
Katy Perry Hot’n'Cold
CHORUS
Look like cheese with those holes,
But they are your clothes,
On this TV station!
Made by fermentation!
When hot, you’re fondue!
At least it’s not a playsuit!
You’re pink Emmental!
Moth bitten music star!
Eww! Is it starting to decay?
NO!
Eww! Hedge trimmer gone astray?
NO!
Is it just really old?
Has she not been told?
Something’s taken a bite,
Out of her dress tonight!
Papa Loves Mambo, Perry Como
Katy loves mothballs
This was a bad call
Look at the holes in it
It seriously looks like sh**
I mean, come on, for serious, WOW (huh?)
Katy’s a hot mess
I say, though, with this dress,
She looks like the victim
of a morbid magician
Which somehow doesn’t shock me right now.
Papa Loves Mambo, Perry Como
Katy loves mothballs
This was a bad call
Look at the holes in it
It seriously looks like sh**
I mean, come on, for serious, WOW (huh?)
Katy’s a hot mess
I say, though, with this dress,
She looks like the victim
of a morbid magician
Which somehow doesn’t shock me right now.
Been Caught Stealing – Jane’s Addiction
Been caught hacking
Tangerine tulle…
I love hacking
It’s just as simple as that
Well it’s just a simple fact
Destroying pumpkin frou frou
is extremely wack
I rip through orange tulle,
I gutted that orange tulle
Hey all right! Pumpkin time!
It’s a crime
And orange crime!
She came home, in the morning light
Her stylist said, “When you gonna dress your life right?”
Oh Katy dear, you’re not the fortunate one,
Cause girl, just wants to have fu-ugh,
Oh girl just wants to have fug.
She saw the brackets for fug madness last year
And upped her ranking with some clipping shears.
We know that you want to be number one,
Oh, girl, just wants to have fu-ugh,
Oh girl just wants have fug.
That’s all she really wants
Some fug.
Wants to take fug madness, be number one,
Katy, she wants to have fug.
Oh girl just wants to have fun.
Katy took a beautiful dress
And shaved it into a super hot mess.
Guess she wanted a way to let in the sun.
Katy, she wants to look fu-ugh.
Katy just wanna have fug.
Kate. Wanna have fug, Kate. Wanna have…
She just wanna, just wanna – she just wanna, just wanna,
Oh girl, just wanna have FUG.
Sorry – forgot to name the song in the post!
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
She came home, in the morning light
Her stylist said, “When you gonna dress your life right?”
Oh Katy dear, you’re not the fortunate one,
Cause girl, just wants to have fu-ugh,
Oh girl just wanna have fug.
She saw the brackets for fug madness last year
And upped her ranking with some clipping shears.
We know that you just want to be number one,
Oh, girl, just wants to have fu-ugh,
Oh girl just wanna have fug.
That’s all she really wants
Some fug.
Wants to take fug madness, be number one,
Katy, she wants to have fug.
Oh girl just wants to have fug.
Katy took a beautiful dress
And shaved it into a super hot mess.
Guess she wanted a way to let in the sun.
Katy, she wants to look fu-ugh.
Katy just wanna have fug.
Kate. Wanna have fug, Kate. Wanna have…
She just wanna, just wanna – she just wanna, just wanna,
Oh girl, just wanna have FUG.
To the tune of “Oh Sherrie” by Steve Perry
Was it her whole gown,
Or just Beyonce’s top, you did steal?
And did she see you?
Knowing that would have made you reel!
So in a fever,
You grabbed a poofy skirt
and threw it on over…
But Miss Perry, that one’s
got holes, got holes!
Oh, Katie, your gown’s
got holes, got holes!
Yeah, you thought you could make a splash,
But that skirt was caught with a lash.
Through it I can see the Universe!
The effect’s not what you thought it’d be.
And you seem to have a fever,
Your mascara’s such a mess.
And I can see it smearing.
And it’s running down your dress.
Miss Perry, with that gown
You’ll catch cold, catch cold.
Yeah, Katie, with that gown
You’ve caught cold, caught cold.
It should’ve been a gown,
Long and bold, not ripped away!
Yeah the color’s good,
But I wonder how that skirt
Got filleted?
Oh, Katie, your gown’s
so wrong, so wrong!
Oh, Katie, your gown’s
so wrong, so wrong!
Perry Farrels “Been Caught Stealing”
Been caught hedged in
once, when I was live
I enjoy drunk styling
It’s just as simple as that
Well its – just a – lack of tact
my stylsist wants something
well, I have to pay for it
I walk on….
to the stage flooooor
walk on to the sta-a-age floooor
Aerosmith’s “Make it” (Joe Perry)
Good evening people welcome to the show
Got something here I want’choo all to know
When swiss holes in my dress bring on primal screams
You’ve got to think of what it’s gonna take to make me dress without a food theme
To the tune of Linda Perry’s (of four non-blondes) “what’s going on?”
25 years and it’s come to this:
dressed up on stage as a hunk of swiss
full of holes, full of escavations.
i decided to wear it cuz i sure can’t sing,
but they’ll all want to watch me
if i wear crazy things
so i’ve heard
from this lady bai ling.
And i cry sometimes when i’m lying in bed,
thinking Lada Gaga has one-upped me again
as far as dressing
a little peculiar
and so i woke in the morning
and thought with pride
that i’d cut from the skirt
a big chunk out the side
and now you’re wondering,
“WHAT’S GOING ON?!”
and you said HEY YAY YAY YA-AY, HEY YAY YAY,
you said HEY! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT ON?
and you say HEY YAY YAY YA-AY, HEY YAY YAYAYAY,
you said HEY, FUGLY GIRL GONE WRONG!
EEK…It’s the dress from those wonky Dutch Designers, Victor and Rolf.
I thought Tilda got first dibs?
Stoned in Fug
by Journey
Those crazy Dutch, I do remember this dress being whole
I do recall when my stylist text’d Victor & Rolf, from the mall
In the seat next to Rachel Zoe
Burnin’ love at the couture show
She found me singing by the clothing rack
Took me home, dressed me up like a hack
Those heinous tights are callin’, stoned in Fug
Can’t help myself, I’m Appallin’, stoned in Fug
Old Tilda Swinton, Once caused a shiver, now runnin’ slow
She pushed me down, ooh, to steal my pink tulle, I said NO!!
In the seat next to Rachel Zoe
Burnin’ love at the couture show
Oh, the glitter was full and rife
Golden girl, Now you’ve ruined my life
Damn the Dutch i look appalling, stoned in fug
This dress barely survived a mauling, stoned in Fug
Those black tights are crawlin”, stoned in fug
Gallons of pink tulle, I’m haulin’, stoned in fug
Stoned in Fug
Flamingo Tulle’s my drug, stoned in Fug
Been Courtney Loved, stoned in Fug
Stoned in Fug above brought to you by Brenda
Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl”
This was never the way I planned, not my intention
I got so hungry, knife in hand, lost my discretion
It is not what I am used to, took some tough chewing off
I think the tulle might give me hypertension
I ate a dress and I didn’t like it
Left holes in the sheer fabric
I ate a dress just to try it
I hope the wearer dont mind it
[Sung to the tune of Perry Como's Hot Diggity...]
Oh, hot fuggity, gag me Katy, Gloom’s what you give to me
It’s so strange, to me, what you wear Katy!
Hot fuggity, gag me Katy, Boom! What horrors you sheathe
When you’re brain takes flight
Never dreamed any dress would look thattaway
Makes me hiss thattaway, why’s it cut thattaway
What a frightening feelin, to gag thattaway
You need a seamstress, save us strife
Oh, hot fuggity, gag me Katy, Doom’s what you bring to me
It’s so odd, to me, how you dress baby
Hot fuggity, gag me Katy, Ooh! How you gassed MTV!
Do you design while you’re high?
Never knew that your slash would go “zing” thattaway
Cut-a-thing thattaway, make me hurl thattaway
Said “goodbye” to your reason, it went thattaway
Ever since your shears came to life
Flailing Arms (Open Arms)
by Journey
Standing here in front of you, attacked by a land shark
Feeling a maneater snackin’ up my side
Softly he whispers, I smell underwear
Oh god I thought sharks were blind
We stood there together
He ripped it apart
Oh dear here is Jaws by my side
So now I run from him, with flailing arms
Nowhere to hide, believe I’ll die in tulle today
So here I am with flailing arms
Hoping he won’t find me under all this pink misery
flailing arms
(That, that) Dude ate through a lady,
(That, that) Dude ate through a lady,
(That, that) Dude ate through a lady,
(That, that) Dude ate through a la-dy!
ref. Dude Looks Like a Lady
Ragged Hole (sung to the tune of Rag Doll, by Aerosmith)
Ragged hole, living in my skirt, see
Hot mess, swiss cheese monstrosity
Such a ham, they’ll never see me leavin by the back door, man
Hot mess, get it while its cheesy
Don’t mind, come on up and see me
Ragged hole, baby not gonna wear it
Like I done before.
I listened to a bad boy
Mmm, a greasy, hairy bad boy
Said rip yourself a ragged hole
Like discovering a new ploy
Lady Gaga’s talking real loud
Must fit in with the new crowd
Trying to sell myself for an old dream
A new version of the old scene
Cutting easy on my hemline
Keep seeking out my lost mind
Cut a hole missy, do it till you’re dizzy
Give it all you got till you put it out it’s misery
Yes I’m fuggin, yes I’m fuggin.
Get ready for the big time,
Tap dancing with a lost mind
Yes I’m fuggin, yes I’m fuggin
Cut a hole missy, do it till you’re dizzy
Give it all you got till you put it out it’s misery.
Katy Perry
Hot n Cold
You can’t decide
If you’re props or you’re clothes
Yeah you, glow bright orange
Like a gourd
I would know
And you leave behind
pumpkin seeds
Trailing me
I should know
You’re not the dress for me
[CHORUS]
Cause you’re all full of holes
You’re blue then you’re orange
You’re whole then you’re plugged
You’re cute then you’re fugged
You’re Victor & Rolf’s
discarded bolts
You’re Jack with his grin
A lantern within
(I) I don’t really want to look at all
(Cause I) Cause I can see right through you to the wall
You’re itchy and hot
You’re there then you’re not
You’re here then you’re gone
You’re up then you’re down…
by Janet R
(to “Foolish Heart” by Steve Perry)
I’m feeling like Barbie again
With that Peaches n’ Cream on her skin
But fug’s a knockin’ on the door
So just cut some more
And get the canon
Before I begin
Foolish art, keep on maulin’
They’ll adore, here in Deutschland
Foolish art, heed no warnin’
Forget Fug Girls lore
Looking nice is a bore
To the tune of “I Kissed a Girl”
It’s not the dress that I planned,
Not my intention.
I took those scissors in my hand,
Lost my direction.
I cut and hacked.
I tried it on,
I’m curious to see,
If it would look good on me.
I lost my mind and I like it.
Insanity’s fantastic!
I slashed my dress just to try it.
My brainless fans will like it.
I felt so nuts,
My skirt was tight,
I think I’ll wear this tonight.
I went berserk and I like it.
I like it.
I hope this dress will bring me fame,
My talent doesn’t matter.
Yes, lunacy is my new game,
Just in my nature.
It’s just what,
I must do,
It’s how I’m destined to behave,
My head is exploding,
My craziness won’t go away.
I lost my mind and I like it.
Insanity’s fantastic!
I slashed my dress just to try it.
My brainless fans will like it.
It felt so nuts,
My skirt was tight,
I think I’ll wear this tonight.
I went berserk and I like it.
I like it.
We girls who sing are magical,
No taste, no shame, unstoppable,
We are insane, but watch able,
What fools you are to buy it!
You are like sheep…so gullible.
I lost my mind and I like it
Insanity’s fantastic.
I slashed my dress just to try it.
My brainless fans will like it.
It felt so nuts,
My skirt was tight,
I’ll think I’ll wear this tonight.
I went berserk and I like it,
I like it!
I Kissed A Girl
No way was this what MTV had planned,
I lack discretion.
I got so brave, scissors in hand,
Lost my boobs in a mass of chiffon.
That ain’t what I’m used to,
Nor is looking like iced Swiss cheese cake,
My legs have been replaced….
OH GOD, IS THAT A POM POM?!
“I Kissed A Girl/Missed the Wall”
This guy at Sears whose name was Stan
Sold me a Craftsman
I got so drunk, drill in hand
Lost my direction
It’s not what, I aimed for
Just wanna hang a pic
I’m feeling blue ’cause I’ve
Drilled through my small intestine
I missed the wall and I’d like it
If you could call a medic
I missed the wall and my thigh’s hit
I hope Sears will refund it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I missed the wall, ow my right hip
My right hip
Oops! Posted incomplete: edited to:
“I Kissed A Girl/Missed the Wall”
This guy at Sears whose name was Stan
Sold me a Craftsman
I got so drunk, drill in hand
Lost my direction
It’s not what, I aimed for
Just wanna hang a pic
I’m feeling blue ’cause I’ve
Drilled through my small intestine
I missed the wall and I’d like it
If you could call a medic
I missed the wall and my thigh’s hit
I hope Sears will refund it
It felt so wrong
To drill so quite
Close to my innards tonight
I missed the wall, ow my right hip
My right hip
I Kissed a Girl -
Oh I’m just desperate for some fame,
It’s all that matters,
Ain’t got no critical acclaim,
Just tulle in tatters.
It’s just what pop stars do,
To get more s**t songs played.
Ego gets so bruised,
Hard to defray.
I bit my dress and I liked it,
the taste of that tulle – fantastic.
I bit my dress just to try it,
I hope Russ Brand won’t mind it.
It felt so wrong,
It felt so right,
Don’t mean I just crave spotlight.
I caused a scene and I liked it.
I liked it.
No I don’t even know her name
It doesn’t matter
I’ll rocket right to ocean fame
Start Sea World chatter
It’s not what
Jaws would do
Out on the open seas
But to hell with shark taboo
I want to feast!
I ate a dress and I liked it
Gorged on that orange fabric
I ate a dress just to try it
Next time I will deep fry it
Tulle tastes so wrong
Tulle tastes so right
I’ll spare a seal cub tonight
I ate a dress
I liked it
I liked it
-Sung by the shark who ate Katy’s dress, to the tune of “I Kissed A Girl”
“Inspired” by Katy’s “Waking Up In Vegas”:
Cut up and put some holes in your dress now
That’s what you get when you’re prone to rages!
Buck up and look all sweet and serene now,
And no one will think that it is contagious!
Dude Looks Like a Lady
Cruisin’ thru a website last night
This chick they showed, she gave me a fright
She got hungry, from her skirt took a bite
Katie maybe you’re whack but you know it’s alright
That’s right
On-line we’re all trying to guess
What reasons could explain it the best
Forgive me if I don’t understand
Why she whipped out some shears
And cut holes in her dress
Chorus:
That, that, Dude, that looks like Katie
That, that, that’s one fugged up lady
That, that, Dude that looks like Katie
That, that that’s one fugged up lady
She mighta got a standing ovation
For her interesting cross-ventilation
Fug Girls were alert to her moth-eaten skirt
She has the body of Venus
But her clothes make my eyes hurt
Repeat chorus
Don’t Stop Believing – Steve Perry
Just a clueless girl? giving a new style a whirl
She handed over her dress to Viktor and Rolf
Those two designers toy with getting Katy unemployed
So they break into the toolshack and find the saw…
Perry’s mouth’s ajar?
She says “isn’t that going too far?”
She shrugs and reaches for the eyeliner
Puts more and more and more and more
What are you wearing?
Was it just the fumes of spray tan
Blocking sense from your mi-i-ind
Should have refused it
Prom plus swiss cheese doesn’t make couture
A fugging like this will make me bliiiiiiiiiiiind.
Now Katy’s in a big pickle
Lookin’ like an orange Creamsicle
Crossed with Little J and Ungaro
All the Germans boo.
Designers win, Katy’ll lose
Her and Russell will sing the blues
Hey at least it’s not fuzzy dice
Or sushi pants or fishy boobs
Get a new stylist!
Not one who thinks you’re Lady Gaga
Christian to shock pop to burlesque!
Two wrongs don’t make a right
You look like a pumpkin with blight
Even with cute hair you’re a fright!
“I Wore This Dress, ‘Cause I Liked It.” By Katy Perry
This was never the way I planned, not my intention
I got so brave, mic in hand, lost my direction
Fell off the stage… is this thing on?
Do I have your attention?
I wore this dress, ’cause I liked it
Its the same color of my lipstick
I wore this dress just to try it
I’m the color of orange sherbert!
I just stepped wrong, fell into the lights
I had too much to drink tonight!
I wore this dress, ’cause I liked it
I liked it.
No, I don’t even know it’s torn, does it really matter?
I mean, come on, I just wore a painted-on garter.
And that is not how good girls dress, not how they should behave
My stylist is so confused, so hard to obey
I wore this dress ’cause I liked it.
I liked it.
Wait. This just feels wrong, is that a draft?
I feel a breeze. Did someone laugh?
I wore this dress ’cause I liked it
I liked it.
I’m mixing it up with another Perry: Perry Botkin, Jr., best known for “Nadia’s Theme.”
This is to the tune of “Bless the Beasts and the Children”—
Bless the girl,
She’s so fugly
And it isn’t like she had no choice
Unlike her voice
Bless the girl,
She’s so fugly
The holes in her bright orange gown
Make Jesus frown
Unaware
That she’s fugly, she’s smiling
Legs are bare
Through her tattered skirts a la Bai Ling
Bless the girl,
She’s a fugstress
Her Swiss-cheese dress is SWINTON-weird
Just like Russell’s beard
Song: I kissed a girl
Chorus:
I wore some Swiss and I liked it
The feel of that dairy goodness
I wore some Swiss just to try it
I hope my cheddar dress don’t mind it
It looked so wrong, it looked so right
Don’t mean I’m Swiss cheese, tonight.
I wore some Swiss and I liked it
I liked it
Katy’s “Hot ‘N’ Cold”
You change your clothes
Like a doll by Mattel
Whose skirts were attacked
By the infant from hell.
It’s coral in hue,
A nightmare in tulle.
It just lost a war
With someone’s chainsaw.
It flashes some thigh
Behind a dead eye,
Displays failed attempts
At three different lengths.
You, you don’t really want to take the stage
Wearing evidence of closet rage.
But yes, I should know
That you’re not gonna cha-ay-ange….
It’s coral in hue etc.
To the tune of Perry Como’s Catch a Falling star
Chop a big fat hole and put it in your pocket
Use it in another way
Hold your skirt out wide now shoot it with a rocket
Patches for your va-jay-jay
For some may want to hit you with a boulder
Some a-wards night
And if they throw you might want some big holes there
So they fly through and right out of si-ight
Through and out of si-ight
Ha ha ha ha Haaa ha
Holes through your big skirt have solved a little problem
Time for your big outfit change
High waisted fugly panties need a little something
Patches on the va-jay-jay
Your patches on the va-jay-jay-ay ayyyyy
Yes patches on your va-jay-jay Jay-jay-jay-jay-jay
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas-Perry Como
Twas the night of the EMAs
when all through the crowd
not a audience member was blinking
not even a sound
Their mouths all hung
wide open with fear
with fright that Katy Perry’s swiss cheese dress
was actually there
the children were screaming
as they huddled in their beds
they would never watch the EMAs
the same way again
“Mummy!” they cried.
“Katy Perry’s been attacked!
“Her dress got bitten by Jaws
“Before the third act!”
“Now, calm down children,”
The mother replied.
“Katy Perry’s just fine.
“It’s just that her dress, well it is quite a sight!”
“It’s red and its poofy
And it has random holes.
She looks like she was shot,
Or chased by a mutated foal.
“But it’s just a weird dress
With odd-shaped cut-outs.
No need to be afraid.
Although her sanity I may doubt.”
Then, to the children’s widening eyes,
Katy Perry should appear!
In the same dress from the EMAs,
The one that looks like it was chewed by a bear.
“I know my dress is weird,” she said.
“And redefines tacky.
But what do you expect, kids?
I’m the princess of wacky!”
“I’m dating Russell Brand,
And I kiss girls for profit.
I’m crazy Katy Perry,
But at least my songs are surefire hits.”
Then she dove out the window
Her enormous poofy-hole-cheese dress catching her fall
“It may be fugly,” Mum said,
“But at least it’s practical!”
As the children ran to their window
And watched her vanish from sight.
Katy turned back and yelled, “Happy EMAs to all,
I hope my dress gave you a good post-Halloween fright!”
To “Don’t Stop Believin’”
Strangers staring–looking for a sane reaction;
Gawking, judging with despise.
Perry’s crazy-she’s dressing fug to find emotion
Using skirt illusions and black eyes.
Please stop believin’
that Katy’ll ever be in fashion.
It’s a holey skirt, people!
This might be a bit of a stretch, but this is to the tune of a song from the Scrubs episode “My Musical,” and is sung by Dr. Perry Cox. =) I think the official title is “Bumper Buddies.”
Here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUDmvhcZNrA&feature=related
~*~
Does Katy know how much she annoys me? The answer is a lot.
Should I list the reasons why? Well, I don’t see why not.
It’s her look, her voice, her open mouth, she’s a huge attention whore
Not to mention all the times she’s forgotten less is more
That she thinks she looks so hot just continues to confuse.
And oh my God, stop proving to us that you’re a total flooze.
Katy (spoken):
But I wear these things for the sake of my art!
See now, Perry, that’s the thing you claim that makes me rave and rant
‘Cause now matter how I hide my eyes, you still forget your pants
So I’m stuck seeing all your mishaps and the huge holes in your dress
Full fabric coverage would kill you so you hacked in a few vents.
Katy Perry’s “Self Inflicted.”
With each hole there’s a map that tells a story
what a total mess my dress looks like I jumped out
An airplane riding a tidal wave on an ocean of sharp objects
I’ve ripped my dress right open.
I can’t stop
Don’t care how I look
Scissors are the weapon I choose
These holes are self inflicted
I’m going down in rags for you
Baby, scissors are the weapon I choose
These holes are self inflicted
One more thing I’m addicted to.
The legend herself: Katy Perry – Hot and cold.
Me: I wear clothes
Which I buy, at the GAP.
Yeah you: I don’t know
Were you find, the eery things.
It’s like you, just don’t care,
That we see, what you wear.
You should know: that you’re viewed, we see-i-eeeeeee.
Because:
you’re hot and then cold,
looking right and next wrong.
It’s like I’m in a dream.
The worst one I’ve been.
You’re make up is too loud
and your expression’s washed out.
I know the night’s long
and Russel B is just wrong.
I, I don’t really wanna watch no… I, I don’t really want to stop though.
you’re hot and then cold,
looking right and next wrong.
Oh maybe, I should just quit
and press on “submit”
To “Some Enchanted Evening” (recorded by Perry Como in 1949):
Some enchanted evening
When you find who did this
To your EMAs dress
You can get your revenge.
You fail to convince
With your defiant stare
That a half-eaten dress is
What you wanted to wear.
Who did this to you?
Who could be so cruel?
Did rival Lily Allen
Take machete to your tulle?
To “Fly Me to the Moon”, sung by Perry Como:
Why look like the moon
When you are out among the stars?
You look like a form of life
From Jupiter or Mars.
In other words,
You are fug.
In other words,
Katy, spare me.
“Open Skirts”
Standing before you
here on the stage
me and a dress I have made
Softly you whisper
I hear your words
How could you be so unkind?
It is the recession
These are some hard times
Yet here I am by your side
So now I come to you
with open skirts
nothing to hide
in these holes of mine
So here I am with open skirts
Hoping you’ll see what this dress means to me
Open skirts
Living without pay
in my parent’s home
It’s better than Hollywood
Life of a singer
can’t be all that good
when inspiration comes from your food
They gave me some scissors
They gave me some tulle
Thank God for Home Ec in high school.
Cause now I come to you
with open skirts
Nothing to hide
in these holes of mine
So here I am with open skirts
hoping you’ll see what this dress means to me
Open skirts.
“Open Skirts” to the tune of “Open Arms”
Standing before you
here on the stage
me and a dress I have made
Softly you whisper
I hear your words
How could you be so unkind?
It is the recession
These are some hard times
Yet here I am by your side
So now I come to you
with open skirts
nothing to hide
in these holes of mine
So here I am with open skirts
Hoping you’ll see what this dress means to me
Open skirts
Living without pay
in my parent’s home
It’s better than Hollywood
Life of a singer
can’t be all that good
when inspiration comes from your food
They gave me some scissors
They gave me some tulle
Thank God for Home Ec in high school.
Cause now I come to you
with open skirts
Nothing to hide
in these holes of mine
So here I am with open skirts
hoping you’ll see what this dress means to me
Open skirts.
“Janie’s Got a Gun” – by Aerosmith
Katy’s got a gun.
HONEY, what have you done?
Katy’s got a gun
Her dress has come undone.
The EMAs had just begun,
Her unsurprising attempt to stun
What did her stylist do?
It’s Katy’s last I.O.U.
She took a pretty, floaty dress
And turned it to a holey mess
Now no designer will lend to her
Cause she puts clothes in a blender
To look crazy on MT-Veeeeeeeeeee
Run away, run away from the dress, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away from the pain (that you caused a perfectly innocent dress)
Katy’s got a gun
Her dress has come undone
An Ode To Fiberglass
A girl on a european vacation
Brought with her fiberglass insulation
She then carved a dress
With holes, a hot mess
And took the stage in her horrific creation
Based on “Round and Round” by Perry Como
See that hole, it’s round, round, round
It has us making a gasping sound
The dress reaches the ground, ground, ground
‘Til it leads you to the ones who fug!
Then the fuggers will go round, round, round
Their mouths all full with a brand new sound
And our heads go spinnin’ round and round
‘Cause we found what we been fuggin’ of!
On Katy’s right you see a big old slice
Not all round and not so nice
And the whole thing on this day
Make The Fug Girls wanna say:
Find a dress, wear it round, round, round
And with bodice so strong your chest is bound
Put it on, the dress you found, found, found
For you know that this is really fug!
“I Don’t Wanna Lose My Fame” to the tune of Aerosmith’s “Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” with looooong letters and CAPS for that signature Aerosmith emphasis.
I could wear a dress that looks haaaalf-way nooooormal.
Not a hole-filled, jagged tulle mess.
Did that girl abuse my fugly dress?
Cuz I kissed her just for the faaaaaaaaame and meager success.
It’s the price that I must pay, or so I tell myself.
No I’m not a leeeeeesbian,
But the Europeans will neeeeever knoooooow.
I don’t dress the norm,
I gotta dress OUTRAGEOUSLY,
Cuz I’m not that interesting
And I don’t wanna lose my fame.
But even if it’s poor publicity,
I need attention DESPERATELY,
Cuz I lack in talent,
And I don’t wanna lose my fame.
Standing on the stage,
Wondering whaaaaaaaat theeeey’re thinkin’.
Who made this fugly pumpkin dress?
Wondering if I even have legs.
And then I see my Russell,
And thank God heeeee’s SO strange too.
Next to him I loooooooook NORMAL, less like a prom dress fiaaaaasco (*Quietly whispers* I need help, I need help)
I don’t dress the norm,
I gotta dress OUTRAGEOUSLY,
Cuz I’m not that interesting
And I don’t wanna lose my fame.
But even if it’s poor publicity,
I need attention DESPERATELY,
Cuz I lack in talent,
And I don’t wanna lose my fame.
To the tune of “Oh Sherry” by Steve Perry & Journey
Well I’ve known all along
I am not your biggest fan.
But this dress is so wrong.
You look like a Ms. Pac-Man.
Your mirror says you look OK. (o-kay-ay)
But I can’t look the other way.
I will have to be the one to say – ay -ay…
Katy Perry
What the fug?
Oh God! My eyes!
Katy Perry
Leave the stage.
Go Change! Go Change!
Lady Gaga – Fug Game
I wanna fug you
but if I do you might outdo me, babe
You think u bein’ bold and intrepid
Ur style makes me yawn so you can keep it
I guess you want to play, want to play
The Fug game, the fug game.
Fold it and shelve it
if you don’t show ur kits
a piranha-bitten dress
won’t ever do the trick
Let’s have some fun, let’s rock this bitch
You gotta get rid of this flannel stich
Don’t think too much, but hands off my kitsch
Holes are a waste, if you don’t show your skin
Let’s play the fug game, play the fug game
Say no to pants, say no to shame
Are you in the game? Doin’ the fug game.
Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold”
–
You were not kind
To that dress, which was whole
Yeah that gown is distressed
By a gun or a mole
And you left the house
Wore that thing publicly
You fugged
Yourself on MTV[eeeeee]…
‘Cause you chopped and you pulled
There’s less dress to show
No pins or needles
Will mend up those holes
Your skirt lost a fight
Like Monty’s black knight*
But still in Europe
You zipped that thing up!
–
*The black knight from ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ (any good song lyrics need footnotes!).