Fug Girls

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

You’ve had quite a year.  Star Magazine claims you OD’ed at the Chateau Marmont before Thanksgiving, and that the doctor who allegedly revived you allegedly found a ton of alleged drugs in your  alleged room. You’re allegedly going to AA (considering that your rep has confirmed this, apparently the second A stands for “actors”), but that doesn’t seem to be taking.  You’re allegedly a cutter — something I learned all about from such Lifetime movies as I Cut Myself So I Can Feel Again, Not Without My Exacto-Knife, and Ow! I Really Hate My Life.  People made fun of you when you wrote a heartfelt note about Robert Altman’s death and misspelled “adequate.” Come on — that was kind of funny! You kicked off the current parade of Starlet VaJayJay that we’re all suffering through. You broke up with like nine dudes. You called Paris Hilton a word we can’t reprint here — ON VIDEO! — and then told us all that you don’t know why everything thinks you dislike her. You got publicly reprimanded for tardiness and a poor work ethic by the people at Morgan Creek. You crashed your car at least once.  I’m sure other stuff happened that I don’t currently recall. Basically,  you are a MESS.

And while I love the color you’re wearing here, I’m pretty sure that wearing a  pillowcase is not going to make you feel much better about yourself. 

We miss the Mean Girls you.

Love,

Jessica