“BE STRAIGHT WITH ME: YOU ARE NOT FEELING THIS EITHER.”
“WHY IS HER LEG SO SHINY? IT’S WEARING MORE OIL THAN A CORNER CHEVRON. THAT SLEEVE IS SOME SUPERNATURALLY HUGE BLOUSON, LIKE SHE THINKS SHE’LL GET HER POPEYE ON. AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE HER EXTENSIONS HAVE GONE, OR WHY SHE PUT THAT HEAD-SUIT ON, BUT REAL TALK: THAT BRAID IS WOEBEGONE. I’M GONNA THROW IT A TELETHON AND HIRE SIMON LE BON AND MAYBE HOWARD-COMMA-RON AND WE’LL CURE THAT SUCKER BEFORE IT WORKS ITS EVIL CON. HELL, IT’S MAKING ME SORRY I PUT MY TROUSERS ON. I COULD BE AT HOME EATING TOAST RIGHT NOW.”
[PHOTO: GETTY]
