Fug or Fab III: Lucy Liu

Truthfully, Lucy Liu herself doesn’t look all bad here, as she herself is gorgeous and tiny and shiny-of-hair.

But I suspect she could do with a Hoo-Ha Mafia to swarm her at all times and ensure that she’s not wearing a dress so fussy it’s practically having a tantrum right there on the black carpet. We have: a bodice, a gray bow, a black bow, a skirt, and a second skirt with a whiff of waist-cape about it, almost like a backwards apron. If I find out that a dying orphan in Africa designed this dress so that she could wear it to this charity event, then maybe I will apply mental mercy later, but otherwise I feel like your clothes generally shouldn’t be busier than you are. Oh, sure, she’s got a show on the air right now, but I’ve seen a whole lot of Cashmere Mafia and I suspect it might be about to strap on some cement shoes and plunge into the Hudson River.

And yet, at least it’s largely flattering… except for how all that stuff makes her look like she has no boobs, and I’m pretty sure that’s not true (see: my aforementioned inability to watch Cashmere Mafia despite how much I want to punch the screen every time Miranda Otto purrs her lines like a really snobby cat). I’m at a crossroads. I think ultimately I have to fall on the “fug” side, though, if only because all that stuff looks randomly thrown in for effect rather than well-planned and visionary. Then again, I both didn’t see Phillip Seymour Hoffman at Cynthia Rowley and THOUGHT I saw Michael Bolton the other day at a fashion show — way, way off base on that one — so maybe I need my eyesight checked.