Fug The Cover: Billie Piper

Did Billie Piper burn down the Glamour UK offices?

Because from everything I’ve seen her in — admittedly, we’re talking mostly British tabloids and chat shows, since I don’t watch Doctor Who — she seems bubbly and fun, and while she is wearing something that you need to be bubbly and fun to pull off (hey, sequins on a January cover? Works for me, since gold sequins are basically what champagne would look like if it were fabric), her face looks like she’s just received a Botox facial and a death kiss from Vlad the Impaler.  Get this girl some lippie!

In fact, I noticed when I was London over the summer that many British women’s mags actually give away REAL ITEMS with each purchase (one of them actually included an actual bikini, which I think is brilliant. Why don’t they do this in the United States?). Maybe the Gift With Purchase with this issue is a tube of a gloss that includes actual color, thus allowing readers to avoid the cover look, in some kind of nifty reverse psychological trick. Nude lips are well and good, you know, but they sure are hard to pull off without looking like you just stumbled from your cold, dark grave in search of warm virgin flesh upon which to feast.

So basically,  I’m just saying, that if you are a British Glamour staffer, and you run into Billie Piper in a dark alley or a wine cellar, or near any kind of crypt-like thing, just get out your garlic, okay?