Fug The Cover: Janet Jackson

Oh, Miss Jackson. (I guess we better call her Miss Jackson, since I’m about to get nasty:)

Actually, I guess I can call you “Janet,” since I don’t really blame you for this monstrosity. I mean, you didn’t style the shoot. And I’m sure you didn’t arrive on set, all, “I KNOW! I’ve lost a lot of weight in the last nine months. Let’s do it AEROBICS STYLE, like an homage to Olivia Newton John’s ‘Let’s Get Physical’ video! Except with a BIG OLD BELT! And fingerless gloves, like the kind I wore in Fame! Come on! Put away those gowns! We’re going to listen to my body talk!”

I do feel, however, that you need to be paying more attention to the wisdom of one Miss Tyra Banks, who would be screaming her balls off about the fact that you have no neck in this shot (seriously. Almost every episode of America’s Next Top Model features a girl getting dressed down for having no neck). It looks like your head just popped right out of your sternum and onto your shoulder.  Honey, if your body COULD talk, it would be telling you to ELONGATE YOUR NECK.

Also, to maybe to have a talk with W about their air-brushing team, because they made you look a bit too much like your brother here for any of us to be entirely comfortable.