DUDES. We need to talk about this situation, and by “this situation,” I don’t mean the fact that we can apparently now say “dragging ass” on the cover of a magazine without worrying that it’s sort of too tackily colloquial for a newsstand, or the fact that Kim Kardashian is now writing their True Story feature OH YES I SAID IT. I mean HER HAIR. What. Is. On. Her. HEAD? It looks like a beaver drowned in a vat of henna and, with its dying breath, catapulted himself onto her skull.
I’d also like to point out that, for some reason, Cosmo has violated its own rules and everything it’s ever stood for, and made her boobs look SMALLER than they actually are. Something’s afoot, as they say, at the Circle K: Did ScarJo steal an assistant editor’s car, and then use it to run over her Other G-Spot, repeatedly? Because otherwise I can’t understand what’s happening here.
Comments (75):
What in the world is with her eyes??
I actually thought that was Amber Heard at first.
And I thought it was K.Stew and her new-found smile…
@elle – My thoughts exactly!
I was reminded of Kristen Stewart, too.
imma say something that is, quite possibly an insult to both groups, but ms. scarlett there? looks like the russian streetwalkers in my city. sorry to russians and streetwalkers alike. that dye job is AWFUL and the stylist for that shoot should be put down.
She looks like Tawny Kitaen’s alternate as the Writhing on Car Hood Hoochie from a Whitesnake video. I mean, she’s got the right dress on and the dead eyes and everything.
This looks like when your high school English teacher is chaperoning the prom, and tries to have a moment by looking young and hot…but really just looks like your high school English teacher with a bad dye job and a dress she picked up on sale at Sears.
Are we sure this is actually Scarlett Johannson and not famed celb impersonator “Scarlette Johannsonberg”? Cause I’m not seeing Scarlett Johannson anywhere in this picture.
I’ve also got to agree with the poster who said this lady looks like a Russian hooker.
Her face looks wonked over to the right…. I just read an article over at the Daily Mail UK about photoshopping in magazines…. very interesting. Not that it exists, because we know it does, but some of the extremes they go to make everyone look like a stepford wife.
With that said, the photoshopper should have erased her hair
Gack. This does NOTHING to ameliorate my general distaste of all things ScarJo-related. (Except for the ex-hubby. He’s a total dish.)
She just always looks… um… not smart.
Also- BAD PHOTOSHOP. It’s like they stuck a 100% head on an 85% body.
OH MY GOD! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE TAI FROM CLUELESS!
Way harsh, Cosmo.
WHAT. IS. UP?
This post is worth it just for the Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure quote as well as the sight of Johansson’s digitally reduced boobs. What the hell is up with that? I find it far more disturbing than her unfortunate (and probably also digitized) hair color. Why would COSMO want to REDUCE her rack? It can’t be a sudden attack of demureness if they’re blaring out headlines about sex tricks, g-spots and ass-dragging. Perplexing.
I think it may NOT EVEN BE HER BODY AT ALL. The head is just pasted on.
I’m putting my money on Blake Lively. I may be wrong but I swear that is not ScarJo’s body.
I agree. I don’t think that’s her body, but some random model’s body. That body looks nothing like her body. Also, they totally forgot to include her neck when they pasted her head on that body.
I agree! Nice try Cosmo, but ScarJo does not look like that. I am not a fan, and though it pleases me to see her looking kind of weird, she is quite unrecognizable here.
I’m actually quite certain that they have pasted ScarJo’s face on to some other hapless model who happens to have terrible terrible hair.
It looks like they merged 2 pictures for her face – try covering the left and right side of her face alternatively and you’ll see what I mean.
Also, that’s not her body, which is ridic, because if anyone should be allowed to have their own body in pics it should be her.
Yes, cover up one side of her face, and then the other. They’re not quite symmetrical. It’s not the lighting, and it’s creepy.
And her eyes are looking in two slightly different directions. Last I checked, ScarJo didn’t have a lazy eye.
I weep for the future.
This entire thread has had me rolling on the floor laughing! Poor lazy-eyed-reduced-boob Scarjo!
Sadly, I think those are her real ta-tas. They’ve totally diminished in size since she slimmed down — proof that those suckers are the real deal, I guess. But, yeah, that cover is heinous.
This is incredibly perplexing. Why does Cosmo, time and time again, make photos look far worse than they ever could have looked pre-Photoshop? Do the not do a Before and After of the unedited photo and their hack Photoshop job? Do they never look at the cover on a newstand and think, “Wow, that looks TERRIBLE, let’s dial that back next time”? Sigh.
THIS.
Putting ‘I knew he was the wrong guy on our wedding day’ on ScarJo’s nether area — tackily clever way to suggest you’ve got juicy details on her divorce, Cosmo.
That’s exactly what I thought it meant. I was thinking, “what? They divorced, and the fug girls aren’t on it?”.
Tiramisu, I’d love a link to that article
Here you go:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2067474/Back-reality-Computer-program-shows-EXACTLY-images-magazine-photoshopped.html
Maybe that is what her breasts look like without all the wonderbras she probably wears.
seriously looks like the head and body dont match…stare at it for awhile….i am also wondering how Cosmo has been recycling the same “kinky sex tricks men love” endlessly since 1977…..i mean seriously, how many can there be??
Her head looks too big…it looks like it’s been Photoshopped onto a different pose. The lighting of the face looks different from the lighting on her body.
She looks like someone just hit her over the head and she is still wondering what just happened.
Also, is it 2003 again? Because if it is, I need to speak to myself about some career and relationship choices I’m about to make.
*snort* You and me both.
Heh.
Lord. Cosmo. Do you have a team of skankifiers over there? Not allowed to let any famous chick on your cover unless she looks as trashy as possible? In the history of me glancing disdainfully at Cosmo, I have never once said, “Hey. Look at Whatserface on the cover there. She looks so classy.” Never.
Is that even her body? Or her face? Hopefully for her, it is not her hair.
Wow. Giant freak head.
It’s the Valerie Malone!
Why has no one addressed the tacky boob tan lines? You’d think if they’re going to photoshop everything else, they would do something about THAT.
But tacky boob tan lines and Cosmo is like milk and cookies….it just goes.
Somebody at the Photoshop colored her hair using a Crayola in Bittersweet. Which, whatevs, that’s what I’ve done to The Little Mermaid in my niece’s coloring books … but on a human?
NO.
Whoever’s boob these are, they look much better now that they are not just under her chin.
Never have understood the ‘Scarlett is gorgeous’ meme. To me, she’s the ultimate ‘meh.’ Okay looking, marginally talented, but nowhere near as drop-dead gorgeous, deeply intellectual or artistically gifted as she clearly believes herself to be. So Woody Allen likes her? So what? Catching the eye of an aging, borderline pedophile is nothing to brag about.
I hear ya, Pongo! I do not GET the ScarJo thing at all. Boobs and lips? Whenever you see her at events or in photos she has her boobs thrust forward and pushed way up. What else does she have? Her has no acting range. She plays the same person in every film. Variations on a theme of herself.
I like Scar-Jo myself, but this. is. awful. This is that “private” picture of your neighbor you accidentally find when you’re babysitting for her one day while she’s out daddy shopping.
Yes! Jessica in top form! What was not to love about that post?
The catapulting henna beaver? The G spot hit and run?
No, it is all glorious.
If I have to look at Johansson, who vaguely creeps me out now, in terrible hair & a purple nightie, and I do, this is the way to do it.
Scarlett looks totally tacky/trashy, ’tis true, but the biggest head scratcher here is that people still read Cosmo.
Her smirk makes me think she’s channeling Joey Tribbiani and asking me how I’m doin’.
Ok, between Elle and Pongo, I just cleaned my sinuses with rootbeer!
First, this post was outstandingly witty, so well done. Second, it is so nice to feel validated in reading GFY when I should be grading college essays. I lectured a few weeks ago in one of my courses about gender issues related to Photoshopping of magazine images. I just emailed my students the link to the fantastic article @TaraMisu posted as a follow-up to my recent lecture. Thanks so much, on all accounts!!
Right on!
I thought it was a feature on Russian spy “Anna Chapman”!
So, I’m standing in line at The Nexus of All Evil. I have my Dr. Scholls ball of foot cusions, tampons, and vanilla icecream and I see this cover through the strange contraption they have that hides everything but the center ( in fact this little contraption has Cosmo printed across it…so it’s specifically for them) so some little kid can’t read “Dragging Ass” but can oggle the boobs of whoever is on the cover…. but I digress….
My first thought was “Why in the world is Rumor Willis on Cosmo? And is that the nighty I was looking at under the influence of a good kick boxing work out on Victoria’s Secret the other night?….and I looked closer and realized that I didn’t know who the bleep this person was… so I moved the strange little plastic bar out of the way to see that it was ScarJo…and my first thought was “Holy crap, I gotta read what the Fug Girls said”
I want to know what is happenning with her cheeks! Why is the one cheek blown up like that? Did she have an toothache the day of that photo shoot? They really should have rescheduled.
I just realized that I wrote “my first thought” twice….. But really… I’m pretty flighty…. I probably forgot all about the first first thought when the second first thought rolled around.
Longtime reader, first time commenter – as they sort of say on public radio:
Why is her right breast smaller than her left?
Why have they photoshopped the life force out of her face? Why does she look like she’s phoning it in? Like even she’s finally tired of her shtick? Why does she look like the undead?
I just want to know about “The Touch That Locks Down His Love.”
It sounds like the title of a really bad romance novel.
And ScarJo here looks like crap. Who in the world hates her enough to put this picture on the cover of a magazine?
Her face doesn’t even look the same shade as her body, and her head looks like it has been squished down on her neck like a Barbie in the hands of a boy-cousin.
Is it just me, or does she look like Tiffani Thiessen with a bad red wig?
Unfortch, she does have a slight lazy eye. You can see the same deviation in candid and red carpet pictures if they get her from her right. If the photog had ANY idea what he/she was doing, they would have known how to mitigate.
But this picture? It’s just bad from the word go. Sorry, ScarJo.
This is a case of photoshop gone way, way too far! She’s so beautiful, and her body is amazing. Is someone at Cosmo super angry at her or what? Hah
I guess I am the only one who likes the hair color, but then again, I’ve seen a few folks who I’ve thought actually look good with a burgundy hair color, which is just as unlikely to be found in nature (well, at least on humans).
Cosmo pretty much always was and remains today a drek magazine as far as I can tell, so the sliding into crassness and stupidity is hardly a shocker.
Maybe they gave her a boob-reduction so as NOT to sexualise women? …no wait, thats a bit of a fail…
http://mcaf。ee/6bas9
Merry christmas!!!
I’ve been wondering for a while if ScarJo had a boob reduction this year. In red carpet and candid shots, it looks like she’s gone from a large C/D cup to a small B cup. Anyone else wondered this?
I’ve never commented before, but you so TOTALLY nailed this, that I had to let you know. Hair-rrendous! Boob-smallsy! HOW did this happen?!
My guess is the graphic designers couldn’t fit the copy around her actual boob size. “Sexiest” fitting that neatly under her right lady lump is no accident!
Flargh. She bugs me. And she looks AWFUL on this cover. I am also super glad that RyRey has moved onto less chin-boobed and more awesome legslies.
I think her boobs actually have gotten smaller, though. She slimmed down to play Black Widow in Iron Man/Avengers and has been rocking a less impressive (or more modest, depending on your feelings about boobs) rack ever since shooting Iron Man 2.
I swear to God..I saw this cover in Walmart the other day and thought 1.) My God! Is that scarlett Johannson? 2.) My God, They made her UGLY! I didn’t think it was possible…they found the one hair color that uglies her up..it’s red. UNDO IT! NOW.
She looks like a ginger K.Stew. Just me?
As a redhead, I take personal offence to this cover.
My husband asked this when he saw the cover at the super market: “Since when was Scarlett one of the sisters in “The Fighter?”