Fug the Cover: Winona Ryder

Because apparently, 2007 is the year that we learned all August covers are painful:

Loving the color of the dress — though maybe not on Winona, actually — but if I were her, and planning on making some kind of comeback (which I assume she is, as the cover tells us she’s STARTING OVER AT 35, like this is SO VERY VERY CHALLENGING because 35 is SO VERY OLD OH MY GOD I BETTER GET STARTED ON MY LIVING WILL),  this isn’t exactly the way I’d want to kick it off.  She doesn’t look 35 to me. She looks….older. Tired. Mildly to moderately anemic. Like her allergies are kicking up in this field and she is stifling a sneeze. Hungry. Fighting back from the heartbreak of scoliosis.  As though she used whipped egg whites in the place of hair gel. What’s the deal? Did she lift something from Anna’s office?*

*Sorry, Wino, but I couldn’t resist. Loved you in Heathers.  Hate to see you looking like you just chugged a mug of Drano.