6 photos in gallery“HOLA LOVERS. Today, for you, I have a story. It is a tale of woe and then some WHOA and also of my thighs. Bring Kleenex and maybe an Oscar.”
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Comments (58):
What is this picture? Is she having trouble standing or something? Maybe lower heels!
I love this. I love the sparkles. I love that she’s wearing it and not me, because that would make everyone cry.
Made my day. “I am halfway to Elizabeth Taylor and I am only probably twenty-seven years old, lovers!” This post is on fire.
I have to give you credit. You do a great Lopez voice. It’s usually too many words for me, but it still cracks me up. So clever, and completely consistent. And believable!
That is the biggest, shiniest can I’ve seen since the label fell off five pounds of Folgers.
best comment ever.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMMENT OF THE DAY!
Great
I have a cold and now a coughing fit …
Bravisimo, vandalfan.
Vandalfan owns it!! Yeaaaah
WIN
Im sorry but I can’t stop laughing..someone call 911 for me
Hilarious!
“Sexy garden spider” I spat my cereal all over my MacBook.
I *yearn* for AI to come back so I can read these posts almost daily. Hate the show, love the commentary by you guys.
I am filled with the sadness for my problems do not sparkle.
First rate post, Ladies.
Is it crazy that I really love the first sky-blue dress? I want that, but alas will never own it and have nowhere to wear it if I did…I guess that’s why she’s J.Lo and I’m not
Ay … your comments about the blue dress missed an opportunity to describe it as a “madre del vestido de la novia” … de nada … adios, lovers!
Whoa – is that a bow poised above her sparkly bum?
Fabulous post. Absolutely loved “No. Do not look at me. I am too beautiful when I feel pain. You will go blind.”
Yes. Ugliest butt bow ever.
LOVED the beautiful pain. you guys are H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.
Remember the pre-Kardashian era when JLo’s but was the one to talk about? Sigh… we were so innocent.
If only we could go back…
I suppose if you’re going to play Vegas (for ALL the money), then you might as well do it in a bedazzled unitard…
I just love Jenny. Real life Jenny and Hola Lovers Jenny.
I love that blue dress and my hips would fill it out better than hers.
I think she looks so unsteady because the camera caught her just as she is about to go down the stairs.
You can’t spell narcissist without “overly-literal dance interpretation of JLo history of love climaxing in bedazzi-tears.”
Now, that’s cute – the first photo looks like she’s a life-size wind-up doll and that woman behind her is about to turn the key in her back to make her go. [There's also a snarky comment in there about acting ability, but I'm ignoring that in favor of the cute.]
I think I also need “A bandage for my SOUL”! I like that dress, I love its beautiful shade of blue! And, “… what is the point of being the world’s most beautiful woman if your problems do not sparkle?”… HA! I’ve never agreed more with a statement in my life! I ♥ you, GFY Heather!!!
JLo has done Cuban-American, African-American, Filipino/Portuguese-American, Irish/Scottish/English/German-American and Puerto Rican-American, so she has covered a lot of bases; but, she may want to explore men from other ethnicities to find her true AMOR! She’ll be fine as long as she keeps sparking…
SPARKLING… Damn it!
I don’t know…I kinda liked “sparking”.
Heh, heh…
Somebody type at him to find out how if he is my soulmate.
Aiyee! My heart – it fills with sparkling spiders of joy!
I’m starting to think there should be a rule that if a celebrity insists on wearing those platform heel monstrosities, then they forfeit the right to receive any assistance when walking. I’m really tired of seeing all these women teetering around red carpets like a bunch of newborn foals.
That said, I love the dress she’s wearing. I have all sorts of questions about that bodystocking, though. Does it make noise when she walks? Did she hire someone whose job it is to follow her around to pick up any stray sequins/shiny bits that fall off?
And put out any fires that break out from too much nylon on nylon.
She doesn’t have to walk in it. She’s got four muscular fellows to carry her around.
I love JLo — beautiful and what a rear shape!
And I LOVE how you maker her talk — those posts I read carefully and
LAAAAAAAAAAUGH LIKE CRAZY!
The level of narcissism required to actually hire people who look like her exes and inflict a dramatazation of her relationship history on a paying audience should gaurantee her a spot in the upcoming DSM V.
At times, the comments are funnier than the posts! DSM V! I am still laughing!!
I wish my problems were sparkly!!
i swear to god you crack me up with the captions
!Ay de mi! There are not enough palabras to tell you how briliante this is. Una pregunta, did she have a JLo look-alike in the cast ? No parade of lovers would be complete without her one true, eternal love.
And then I read the commentary for Image 6.
I need J.Lo/Michael Phelps to happen yesterday. I mean, they’re a perfect match – he’s 26 (or 27, I think) and she’s only probably twenty-seven years old.
Also, when I become famous and start a band, I am going to call it “Halfway to Elizabeth Taylor.”
I desperately desire a sparkly full-body condom. I would only wear it at home, but my life would be better for it.
Ladyblahblah…as a current MSW student…THANK YOU! That had me cracking up more than Heather’s brilliant commentary!
You know, I wish I could’ve seen this show because based on those stills it’s a load of crap. I’m all for the more full-figured woman but that catsuit looks like hell.
Adoring the commentary though.
“Somebody type at him” is my new favorite phrase ever. Yoink. I’m adding this to the lexicon.
All I know is that I’m going to start instructing my assistant (aka my husband who sometimes helps me out with work-y things) to start typing at people. I love it too much.
I had no idea J-Lo had to have chest and neck surgery. They did a great job bandaging her up! And look at that nice man helping her walk so she her top-heavy bun doesn’t bring her to the ground.
I don’t like this. And I LOVE J-Lo.
http://www.autumnvanweir.com
That Charlotte’s web message cracked me up! One of the best J. Lo posts ever.
Am I the only one who really wants to sit in on one of those publicist meetings when they make up the agreement for an actress to “date” a gay actor? Bradley was apparently out when he was in acting classes, never had a “girlfriend” until after The Hangover blew up but now ever other month he is “dating” somebody like Zelwidget or Lopez
“but it swims from my face like that Olympic boy with the huge feet.”
Where’s the Pulitzer for most hilarious blogging?? IT’S YOURS, LADIES!
Is it just me, or does the shiny outfit remind anyone else of Gozer the Gozerian?
OMG so YES!!! Totally, and I’ll bet JLo is a nimble little minx, too!
BULL TRUE!
I just watched that movie the other night, and it should have been right in the front of my brain. I guess I was struck blind by her pain.
So my boyfriend was lucky enough to be at Glastonbury this year, and last week we were watching the footage of Beyonce’s set, and noticed how many “helpers” she had with her dances and getting around the stage…anyway it wasn’t long after that she announced her pregnancy. All of which is only relevant because looking at this I wondered if Jlo may be carrying around just such a bombshell herself?
Maybe not her best look. Again, lumpy looking.
OMG! There’s no denying the fact that she is very pretty and has great hair but my good God she has a MASSIVE arse! It’s frigging huge! x Glad it’s not me wearing that sparkly hot suit.
The blue dress and up-do is sort of ’65 year old at the Palm Beach Bridge Club’ me thinks!