“HOLA LOVERS! I am BACK! Strap in for five months of brave, beautiful yo as I bravely, beautifully find somebody who will be very famous for about thirty seconds, but make ME very famous for a long time because of how nice and loving I am to people who are not as beautiful as yo! America needs a hero, lovers. America needs ME.”
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‘Anchorman 2’ Teaser Trailer: You Stay Classy
17 photos in gallery
Comments (44):
I don’t know why, but I can never kind tired of the J.Lo voice. I can HEAR it in my head when I read it. I can HEAR her saying those things. I usually read these in the evenings and end up crying with laughter, and the hubster comes to read over my shoulder and he does NOT get it. But….Kate Whoslet!!!!! Ba-ha-ha-ha!!!!!
I love pretend La Lopez. Encore!
.. @softwear.. shhhh! but I agree. sigh. this is the voice that made me a Fug-fan. brought me back here, again and again, for some privately naughty downtime deep-down grins.. after l-o-n-g stressful days.
I’d never admit to it off site (weg). this is my private bad habit. secret guilty pleasure. alot fewer calories than a pint of ice cream, eh? I LOVE IT. rapier wit etc.. BRAVO to the Fug Gals!
I love you, Heather. I do believe your Harry Potter references regarding Steven Tyler are the funniest thing I have ever seen on the internet. Can Jennifer work in some snark about his performance or the national anthem at the AFC title game? It was kinda horrific. And there has to be some Sith Lord smack she could work in regarding He Who Must Be Obeyed.
Always Proofread Before Hitting Enter:…his performance of the national anthem….
I know from experience that when you meet a strapping young man or woman, old enough to vote and get married, who you first met when they were literally in diapers, it brings home your sense of mortality.
I thought Steven Tyler did a perfectly fine rendition of the Steven Tyler version of our national anthem. He always roughs up the high notes, that’s his trademark. Who did they think he was, Pavarotti? Mucho besos to him.
They shouldn’t have asked him. He didn’t sing it; he shouted it. The WHOLE THING, not even the hard notes.
I agree, they shouldn’t have asked him.
I would so very much love to know if any of J.Lo.’s people have ever shown her any of these posts. It would be a real test of her sense of humor, don’t you think?
On another note–that contestant? In the “tattooed” outfit? Her parents must be so very, very proud.
Eesh.
I don’t watch… could that girl actually sing? Or did she think she’d skate by on her jean undies?
She could not. And it didn’t seem like she was really there out of any desire to actually go into music or even be reality-famous; just wanted to get some attention for her (admittedly shapely) naked bod. Also, Seacrest used this incident to act all horndoggy and HETEROSEXUAL, which, listen, I don’t know or care about his orientation–I don’t think I woulda thought “gay” if it weren’t such a thing among other people–but when he tries to disprove it it’s so obvious and sad.
I really like that black with polka dots dress. She definitely has the figure to wear it.
I just happened to come upon the show when that girl wearing the tube top and short shorts was on. She walked up the stairs and Ryan was staring at her ass coming out and then he had her turn around, come down the stairs and walk back up just so he could stare some more! Nasty!
I don’t watch AI generally (I watched the second half of the season with Crystal Bowersox, because that was when my Mom was sick and we watched a lot of TV). But I WAIT for these.
Lord Tylervort. I love it.
“Draco Malface.” Heh.
Thanks, Heather! This was totally hilarious and thus far the highlight of my day! For the record, I don’t care for JLow and I don’t care for this stupid show, but it seems to be everywhere you go. Kudos!
I love the Jennifer Lopez Voice. It’s hysterical! Sort of like how Miss Piggy would sound if she used little bits of Spanish as opposed to French.
That is a perfect description, EAG46!
These JLo posts are the BEST thing about American Idol.. wait make that the ONLY good thing about American Idol.
“Lookit! It’s formal shorts! Because I am RELAXED, lovers. I am SLEEPING at night. I do not have to wake up and plug straw holes in my major veins because my husband gets snacky.”
My office neighbors think I’m nuts right now.
Yes, that line literally made me choke on my diet coke. Funniest line ever. Thank you for these amazing posts Heather!!!
Heather, you kill me!!! “… the mummified version of the kid from Up…” FTW! I do like her shorts, she works them! Thank you for GFY JLo!
Love the JLo posts! And what do we think about Jim Carrey’s daughter being on the show? Is that fair?
I think so. It’s not like she’s famous in her own right, and she DID seem talented so it doesn’t feel like she got a dispensation for her famous parentage.
Yeah, why not? I like that she’s trying to make it on her own rather than use daddy’s fame to her advantage! I prefer this rather than celebrities like Will & Jada trying to force their kids’ “talent” down our throats!
I agree, she seems really normal and sweet. Like, she’s been waitressing and mom-ing the past six years or whatever, it’s not like she’s trying to live large on her dad’s dime/name.
Don’t see it here in Oz but thought I’d comment: she sure got dad’s smile!
I squealed with glee and clapped my hands in my cube when I saw this! Love Pretend JLo!
Draco Malface.
That is all.
I lost it on the hilariously perfect simplicity of ‘Larry Potter.’
You owe me a new keyboard.
yeeeeessss! so happy the show’s back, not because I ever watch it, but because of GFY JLo.
Mummified Kid from Up. I read this description before looking at the photo and thought, “What in the hell could that be?” And then I saw it, and it was perfection.
I literally squealed and bounced in my seat like a toddler when I scrolled down to this post. Hysterical, as always. Please keep them coming!
Me too!!!! (still bouncing!!!)
I don’t think that I’ve ever commented on GFY even though I read it religiously. But I must finally weigh in; Heather you are a comedy GODDESS! These JLo posts are masterworks. I read them out loud to anyone that will listen. Brilliant!
“YAAAAAAY bendy straw”
I love this whole post so much I could cry from happiness. Yeah, I am a bit hormonal.
I don’t watch nor have I ever watched American Idol, but I have a question for those who do. Is Stephen Tyler as unsettling in motion as he is in the stills?
In general, do we think his face is both spreading and stretching? I don’t like commenting on peoples’ appearances, but he doesn’t look, well, right. Is he all natural?
He is in his mid 60′s. Sometimes when people hold on to their youth so desperately it ages them even more.
I’ve been bagging on the topknots but I have to say I thought JLo looked super cute in the Kate Whoslet dress with her hair up like that.
I love jlo and think this are hilarious!! I have a feeling she would find it very amusing! I’m not in the states but steve tyler looks…. disturbing… while jlo is aging fantastically!!!!
The worst part of that green and black dress was the immense amount of turquoise and peach/pink shimmery eyeshadow she wore with it. It was – weird. I know it doesn’t have to match, but she looked like a clown. Or a tween.
I do like Jlo and S. Tyler and these posts are hysterical!
“YAAAAAAY bendy straw” killed me.
dead @ tylermort. you guys are awesome. i always look forward to these posts!
You crack me up. Thank you.