"Good morning, cherished partner. Here is a cup of coffee to help ease you into the cold reality that you are married to a man who allowed you to get those weird-ass paintings of our children that look like those collector's plates they sell on the back of magazines with 'Digest' in the title." Eric Close is cute, for sure, but for Tami, Teddy is a tall pile of Ambien next to Deacon's craggy gritty sex eyes.