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Dear Drunkface McCord,

I don’t even know what to do with you:

[Photo:Splash]

Those tights + those boots + that scarf = accessories overload, dude. Pick one and stick with it. Not that I would be able to advise you which to choose, as each of your accessories is problematic for me:

1) The scarf: haven’t you seen that scarf on nearly every person in town under 35 at some point in the last three years? Including Lauren Conrad. Just take ten minutes to think about that. But, of course, it’s just a scarf.  A scarf alone can not entirely constitute a fashion crime. Unless, I guess, that IS all you’re wearing.

2) The stockings: I know these lace stockings are uber-trendy right now, and while I want to embrace them, part of me feels that they just look like you have incredibly thick and fanciful leg hair. On the other hand, if your leg hair were to grown in a lace pattern, it might be your duty as a productive member of society to share that.

3) The boots: they’re just a bit…Mischa Barton, don’t you think? Is that really the particular primrose path down which you want to trip?

I can’t make this decision for you, Drunkface. But one — or more — of these items must be removed from your person. Think about it carefully and get back to me.

Can’t Wait For Your Show To Be Cancelled — Hope You’re Still Friends With the People at Nip/Tuck,

Jessica