[Photo: WENN.com]
FERGIE: Josh? Come on, Josh, you’re not even trying.
JOSH DUHAMEL: What do you mean? I’m here, we’re hugging…
FERGIE: … and you look like I just dropped a piece of cheesecake down your pants. And when a dude’s wife gets out the boobs and legs, he is supposed to look stoked, not stressed out about the dry-cleaning bill.
JOSH: Just because I love you doesn’t mean I have to love your clothes
FERGIE: Oh? And what’s wrong with this?
JOSH: It’s like a pair of egg cups with a skirt and a harness
FERGIE; But I look slammin’! I’m glamorous! The flossy-flossy!
JOSH: What does that even mean?
FERGIE: What am I, a linguist? I don’t know. I can’t even spell “tasty.” All I know is that I brought you here tonight so that people would see that we’re a happy couple, and you are BORING.
JOSH: What more can I do?
FERGIE: Let me show you. Come over here, Least-Memorable Black-Eyed Pea Who I Always Forget Is In The Band:
FERGIE: See? Broken Sunglasses over here is both smiling and pointing at me, as if to say, “Check out this hot lady SHE IS MINE.”
TABOO: Actually, my name is Taboo.
FERGIE: Oh, come on, you can tell me! Your secret is safe!
TABOO: No, I mean it’s REALLY… never mind.
JOSH: Okay, well, thanks, Never Mind, for demonstrating your technique.
FERGIE: All I’m saying is, Josh, I don’t care if you think I look foxy, or you think it’s a formal harness to keep me ship-bound when I attend a cocktail party on the wing of the space shuttle while it’s in orbit. WORSHIP.
JOSH: Sigh. Don’t cheat, worship your wife… God, marriage has so many RULES.
Comments (244):
I can’t tell if it’s the cut of the dress, the angle of the photo, or her actual body shape, but she looks like a potato wrapped in black tin foil ready for the oven. She’s shapeless except for the two mamms popping out the top. Would that also be considered muffin top?
She at least knows how to accessorize. Josh is one hot accessory!
Boob squash bad.
Her bodice looks like it was designed by the people who brought us the Leggs packaging, with an additional portico.
Oh, honey. Lots of boob or lots of leg- never both. That dress just looks so damn uncomfortable, the way it’s squishing her basoomas. Mine are cringing in sympathetic pain just looking at the way hers are skooshed up and out in that thing. Seriously, top two lessons of clothing that celebs need to learn: 1)Buy clothes that actually fit. No one but you has to know what size they are and they look a lot better if you don’t look like you were poured in and forgot to say when.
2) Breasts are not, in fact, supposed to look like pancakes. I know it’s a shocking notion, but there you are. (See also, 90% of celebs who wear strapless dresses. Or, 90% of strapless dresses, period.)
I’m with Josh – it looks like egg cups and a harness.
It’s bad enough that she’s dressed as though she is ready to stroll the Boulevard for some extra spending money, because really, show off legs or show off boobs, but both is just tacky. However, her boobs are smashed in such a way that what’s popping out over the top isn’t even. So, any scrap of hope that I might have said, “She looks trashy but hot,” is gone. The entire look tacky and trashtastic, but I kind of dig the shoes.
I always want to either cut Fergie some bangs or pluck her forehead like Queen Elizabeth (the dead one). Talk about your lowbrow!
I’m going with “HOOOOOT” with the long “oo” sound. That dress is a hoot. It made me hoot with laughter. Hoot!
I kind of love the dress, except for the weird epaulet(?) deals on the shoulders.
I am not nearly as concerned by Fergie’s dress as I am by the fact that she seems to be sharing hair dye with the formerly yummy Mr Duhamel.
Not only is the dress fugtastic…the way she is standing makes her look like she either has a wicked urinary tract infection or just really really needs to pee.
the sad part is that the dress would be lovely and elegant without the boob-hole (and it still would have that giant back cleavage it seems to have)
It would be hot if it was about 5 inches shorter. And maybe a size bigger.
This dress is about 1/2 inch away from being hot (1/2 inch more fabric covering her ta tas and I’d have said HOOOOOT.) So close Fergie. So close.
I don’t really like super revealing clothes, and I’m not crazy about the hair or shoes with that dress, but that’s her style and I think she looks really good.
I just wish she’d stop parting her hair down the middle.
Did a kindergartener do her make-up? That blush looks awful. And she’s trying waaaayyyy too hard with her poses and it just looks bad.
And no one can deny that the boobs are B.A.D.
I banished her to the Land of Icky with Courtney Love and Aubrey O’Day because I still get horrible visuals of her pee-pee crotch stain. I can be unforgiving that way. So I am surprised to find that I really like the dress, and for some inexplicable reason, I am not bothered by her smooshing the girls. Arramageddon is upon us-I’m 2-4-2 today.
New Denny’s offerings:
Moon Over My Melons!
Boob Sunrise!
Tunnel of Tatas!
Hideous. Take it away.
This is Fergie we’re talking about, so the outfit could have been SO much worse. I don’t mind the stuff that makes this LBD interesting. I just wish she’d stop messing with her FACE. Her cheeks are so swollen they are almost covering her eyes!
I like the shoes, though. And her legs look great. I just. don’t. get. Fergie.
I’d feel so much better if there weren’t shoulder pads involved…
I’d feel so much better if there weren’t shoulder pads involved…
Sigh. Even if her boobs were evenly supported in that dress, it’s clear she’s trying WAY too hard. Just because Josh cheated with a stripper doesn’t mean she needs to try to look like one too.
I gotta say that dress is awful and scary and awful scary. But she looks happy and healthy and really great. You know, except for the melon drama.
There’s an old saw about looking like tits on legs… and while this is a good example of that, it’s not a *good* example of that.
The dress could have been awesome if it did not have the cutout on the tatas.
Smooched boobs are tacky.
Her hair is what bothers me the most.
WHY slick your hair back so HARD that it looks like you used Vaseline as hair gel and it looks DIRTY/GREASY. Then it is parted it down the middle where it looks like your part is causing a splitting headache and your showing how thin and bald your getting.
WHY FUGLYFY YOUR HAIR THAT WAY?
Sorry I was shouting, it just gets my goat to see that S#*T.
I hate that she’s channeling Georgina Sparks/Michelle Trachtenberg in that first picture. Ick.
I was going to vote “hot”, since as bad as the boob cut out is, she still looks decent…until I saw those things on her shoulders. EW.
I just can’t stop rotfl-ing because of that boob window!!!
DDDDDDDDDD What an architectural dress, indeed.
Fergie is usually super hot but now…
It’s the shoulders that do it for me. I can’t stand the structured shoulder/mega shoulder pads look. I won’t get on board with it. Fergie herself still looks hot. Just not the dress.
How can you not like the Sydney harbour bridge on her chest……It’s an ode to all us Aussie’s that think she’s fab!!!!!!!
Just what is she planning to velcro to her shoulder? It looks like where you velcro the cape on my kid’s Batman jammies.
Them boobs are bad. The legs are great. It’s true, her forehead is way too small.
She’s either a midget, or Josh is super tall.
Cheesecake down his pants
Heh.
The dress is a mess.
But I do love her shoes!
And her beautiful skin!
The angle of the first photo is awful, this dress is cute. Come on, it’s a far cry from The Ferg of old. You go with your bad self!
I can’t think about the dress because I can’t look away from the hair. It seems as if she might have fairly thin hair, and the darker color added to the severe styles she often wears? No. When your part looks that wide, pick a different ‘do or a lighter color.
The shoulder bit of her dress looks like the seatbelt you’d get in a space ship; where you must strap yourself into your seat before Jean-Luc orders warp factor 10. That’s probably why she has such a weird looking hair parting. The warp factor was too high!
On the plus side:
Amazing legs!
Beautiful shoes!
Mega HOT hubby!
On the minus side:
Severe hair!
Weird boob harness!
Crusty epaulets!
I’ve chosen to concentrate on Josh…yummy, yummy Josh.
Her face looks lovely – good makeup. And her gams are looking hot. But I agree with the sentiments expressed above: her boobs looks sad and ouchy. If this were a mock turtle or a higher collar it would be sexier.
I thought I was saying that it is “Hoot.”
Perhaps she is about to burst into song.
A parody of “A Chorus Line” tune…
“Tits And Legs”.
Seriously, the whole ensemble emanates “trashy”.
For Fergie it’s not that bad.
It’s a bit trashy, but not as awful as some of the other things she’s been got up as in the past. Meanwhile, I will retire to my bunk with the idea of Josh Duhamel’s cheesecake-filled pants.
Greasy, messy, dirty, sloppy, downright fuckin’ gross.
Must be Fergie.
My first thought was “trashy with a big helping of fug sauce”, but I worried that my dislike of Fergie and her horrible excuse for a band was getting in the way of my objectivity. So I went away and had a think about it, and on second thoughts I say “trashy, and what is up with the boob window? That’s odd. It looks like she got a relatively classy sheath dress and cut out a big hole for her boobs. And those shoulder pads are weird.”
My first thought was: OUCH, asymmetrical boobs unbearably squeezed out of shape and bodice. Nothing in nature is perfectly symmetrical, but why emphasize it so overtly? But of course, them tatas ain’t from nature, either. Second thought: Ditch the ‘do. That center part makes Ferg look like a 60s refugee, and the greasy look just completes it. Third thought: absence of thought…stunned… brain…cannot…function…overwhelmed by fugliness…
I’m just so happy someone finally commented on the fact that Fergie can’t spell the word “Tasty”!
Ugh. I hate boob windows.
I actually don’t think she looks all that bad. We’ve definitely seen her look worse. *shrugs*
No wonder her husband doesn’t look enthused; he probably wasn’t expecting his wife to look like she was planning to set hourly rates.
I can’t concentrate; I just hate her eyebrows so much.
I happen to like this outfit and her dark hair. You got it, flaunt it!
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Just to let you know your site looks a little bit strange in Safari on my laptop with Linux .
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It seems to me that this site doesn’t load on a Motorla Droid. Are other people having the same problem? I enjoy this website and don’t want to have to skip it when I’m away from my computer.
Nice article, thank you. Could you explain the third paragraph more?
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I want to visit your website more frequently, but these days it seems to be taking a really long time to load in my browser. I visit from work, which I know I shouldn’t do, but our internet hookup is really fast. Is the site having some maintenance done or something?
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You have talked some good info on the theme, are you working to do a FAQ facing this subject in the future, as i have some more questions that should be common to other readers.
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