Fug or Fab: Halle Berry

It is really, really hard to argue with this. I mean… is there a human being alive, sexual orientation aside, who doesn’t think Halle Berry is freaking beautiful in an almost genetically unbelievable way?

I know, from past e-mails we’ve gotten about other people, that some readers out there will think, “But LOOK, she’s got that armpit-flab thing going on! It doesn’t FIT!” But I’m not so sure it means the dress doesn’t fit. I mean, maybe it could hit her in a different spot or something and it would help, but here’s the thing: Most of us have meat there. If her entire BOOB were falling out the side, that’s one thing, but otherwise that soft squish happens at one time or another to almost everyone, ever, on the face of the planet, who has worn a strapless dress. Unless we are crazy gym rats with guns like Madonna’s, we ladies are going to have a varying amount of skin there. I would rather Halle Berry stayed the lovely, curvy, glowing, healthy way she is, and had a little of nature’s armpit folds, than eschewed food for six months so that she could look like Nicole Richie and not have any flesh left. Know what I mean?

So, my first reaction to this dress was: She looks hot. It would be kind of awesome to worm my way inside her head for a day, Being John Malkovich-style, and know what it feels like to walk around looking like that.

There was, however, an extra detail in the back:

And just like that, the cocktail dress has a cape.

Usually the lover of camp in me would be thrilled by a surprise cape, but it’s so completely extraneous here. It doesn’t do much for the dress other than look like she made it a ponytail out of all the extra fabric. And if she’d seen The Incredibles, she would know this puts her in grave danger of grim death via being sucked into nearby engine rotors. Edna Mode would not approve, and does anyone really want to run afoul of her?