Fug or Fab: Jessica Alba


fug-or-fab

Sometimes I think it’s possible that an outfit can be both fug AND fab.

Jessica Alba looks like a funky million bucks in this — it fits, she has great legs, her hair is really shiny, and she’s wearing what amounts to horizontal stripes without any negative effects, which is award-worthy. And yet, at the same time, this outfit is the love child borne of a psychotic and sperminatingly confusing threesome between Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, and Charlie Brown. Can it really be that both the yin and the yang coexist in one center (or “cen-tah,” as Jessica so famously spat in Honey, when her fake New York accent only showed up on certain words)? Or does it have to be one or the other?

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Comments (109):

  1. Sweetsinger

    The oversized shoulder pads distort the look, but otherwise she rocks it.

  2. roguetamlin

    It’s the shoes. They make a very glamorous dress look clunky.

  3. Renee

    I wish I were wearing that dress right now. At my desk.

  4. Hima

    If someone looks that amazing in an outfit, it’s gotta be fab. Even if the dress is a little strange.

  5. christine christine

    I love the fabric but nothing else about it. I’m a huge fan of secretly emulating Charlie Brown, too!

  6. Julie K.

    I feel like it is a female dressed up Charlie Brown look. And the shoulders really throw it into Fugville for me. No thanks.

  7. Vuvu

    Hm…… am I experiencing some bizarre optical fashion-lusion here or does that dress look eerily familiar?

  8. oNo

    You’re missing the shocking parts. SHE’S SMILING!!! And it’s not a bikini.

  9. candy

    Can we PLEASE not bring back shoulder pads? As a person of wide shoulders who spent years ripping pads out of shirts, I emplore the fashion world! So, get rid of those awful things & change to some less severe shoes that don’t compete with the dress so much & I say its a winner!

  10. willow

    It also looks like she lay down in the middle of a motorcross race.

  11. Mjx

    Get rid of the shoulder pads altogether, burn the shoes (even barefoot is preferable to these things… yes, I’m on a crusade, dammit!), and I’m on board.

  12. Kristin

    Thank you for not disappointing with this post! The Charlie Brown reference was killer.

  13. katiecoops

    Everything is great about it except the wonky shoulders. If they were just normal, this would be an awesome dress. As it is, the shoulder make me go ugh, but she looks happy and amazing, so I’m not going to hate on her for that.

  14. Jennifer

    I would have gone for “fab all the way” if not for the stupid pointy-shoulder-pad thing going on. I hope this is a celebrity trend that doesn’t trickle down to the masses…

  15. Kate

    If the shoulder pads weren’t so big, this would have been super FAB. She’s pulling off the print, and the shiny, and the style of shoes that I usually think make women’s legs looked awkwardly lopped off – AND she’s happy and smiley. It almost makes me like Jessica Alba, and that’s tough.

  16. Kate

    I also have to point out that there has been a huge amount of gold and copper shiny in the last few days. I think this is the best of the bunch, though. Even better than Drew’s shirt. (Sorry, Drew.)

  17. The Other Molly

    MJX, yes, by all means burn those fugly shoes.
    Meanwhile, Candy and I will burn the shoulder pads, along with all the shoulder pads that the two of us ripped out of our clothing over the years.
    BONFIRE!!
    (S’mores are involved)

  18. Ranee

    No. More. Shoulder. Pads.

  19. Loverly

    The shoes are the problem! Everything about J-Alba and her persona in the pictures is sleek. Sleek hair, sleek dress, sleek legs (what? they are nice!) and then BAM! Big, funky, awkward shoes.

    I guess I will never know why her instinct told her to throw on the S&M sandals instead of a class pair of pumps- but it was a bad move!

    From the comments I am certain that other readers agree that S&M gear and sequins just do not mix!

  20. Mjx

    Shoulder pads to the bonfire, definitely. I too snipped them out of virtually every damn top I purchased in the late 80s (the place they held being was filled out nicely by my very broad shoulders), and now their ghosts are evidently agitating to return and once again make eyesores of themselves.

    On the other hand (although I would describe that style of sandal as ‘orthopedic ugly’, rather than ‘SM’) I find the idea of sequins and SM kind of fun. Sort of like wearing Doc Martens and a turquoise persian-lamb boa at the same time. Not that I’d know a thing about that…

  21. merciblahblah

    I’m swimming against the tide and giving this a big fat thumbs UP. Love everything from the shoulder pads – or maybe they’re more like shoulder PLATES – to the chevron pattern, to the sequins (DURRRR), to the shoes. She looks amazing. Love. It. All.

    The end.
    Merci,
    Shannan

  22. Gesci

    I totally agree with the Charlie Brown!!
    I was gonna say it looks like Charlie Brown is going to a late night rave in drag. But physically, yes, Jessica Alba looks great.

  23. Regan

    I don’t like the shoes, but I get it. The shoulder pads are an abomination and I wish the sleeves were a few inches shorter.

  24. testington

    It is straight up ugly, no two ways about it. The only reason it looks good is because she is good looking, tan, nice hair and is very skinny…on anybody else (even Kim K or Rhiana or anybody over size 2) it would look horrible.

    I”m sooooo mad she’s making a comeback, she can’t act her way out of a paper bag and I really enjoyed the two years she spent pregnant/loosing baby weight/looking for work so that I didn’t have to see everybody fawning over her untalented butt all the time.

  25. vandalfan

    Funny, I thought that kind of outfit was the only thing that would look good with those sandal-shoes, which I kind of like. The shoulderpads are ruinous, but frankly the whole shiny zig zaggy fabric is just not appealing in the long sleeved mini-skirt format. Not even if the zig zags were vertical instead of horizontal. I’d prefer all gold or all black shiny.

  26. nitpick

    it’s been proven (by tv scientists) that horizontal stripes actually make you look thinner.

  27. marcia

    I agree with Hima at 9:15 a.m. She was speaking truth early.

  28. Jenn

    Im thinking this is nothing less than “FUGING FAB”… I love it and hate all at ONCE!

  29. The Moonay

    You know who would ROCK this dress (with different shoes)? Cate Blanchett. Why? She actually has enough personality to pull this off.

  30. Cicely

    If it weren’t for the shoulder pads I’d be all for it.

  31. bilijin

    This is the first golden girls dress on a young lady that has not triggered my gag reflex. Until the shoes. They gotta go. Now that I think about it… The shoulder pads could go as well.

  32. 'Mela

    Agree with roguetamlin 100%.
    The dress is slammin’. But the shoes KILL IT.
    I am waaay tired of this style shoes. They have had their 15 minutes- let’s move on!

  33. sgw555

    You know, Stephen Fry did a whole segment on QI (British tv program, Quite Interesting) about how the ‘horizontal stripes make you look wider’ concept is just a myth. Apparently horizontal stripes generally make you look thinner by distracting the eye.

  34. JAL

    It’s Charlie Brown’s wildest sartorial fantasy!

  35. Mumblix Grumph

    For some reason I’m expecting the Dancing dwarf from Twin Peaks to show up.

  36. Jules

    I didn’t think this was fug.
    In fact it was the highlight of my (long and cruddy) day.

  37. Paraslim

    She is looking nice in this outfit. Her sandals match with her outfit completely.

  38. Mackenzie

    Probably would have preferred to see her in something like this:

    http://www.poetrie.com/clothing/put-some-bling-on-it-dress.html

    Go with the shoulders, or go with the sequins. Just don’t do it all at once and look like a sparkly quarterback!

  39. Kelsey

    KING TUT

  40. alice

    lose the shoulder pads. and possibly change the shoes.. surely i’m not the only one who hates the whole “pair a glamourous dress with horrible, foot-eating shoes”.

  41. Chris

    I seriously thought this was posh spice from three years ago and she had somehow learned to smile. The more I think about it, the more I think I’m going to just stick with that.

  42. Kesia

    anyone else think she looks like Leighton Meester at first glance?

  43. Nico

    This be a RAD ensemble. Jessica looks fantastic. I accidently voted ‘fug’ tho in the poll. So that’s one less fug vote.

  44. Amanda

    I totally looked at that, went “oh that is fug. No wait, it is fab. Hmm… maybe it’s both. I bet that’s not an option.” So… GOOD JOB.

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