When I first saw Kristen Bell here, I thought, “Oh, K. Bell looks cute. That fabric reminds me of my Crystal Barbie.”
That ad, of course, then reminded me that I also owned that particular Ken doll, and one summer he was tragically thrown down the elevator shaft of my Malibu Dream House, after Crystal Barbie discovered he’d been cavorting with Tracy (of Todd and Tracy; she was distraught after Todd’s internal rubber band mechanism broke at their wedding reception, severing the connection between his upper and lower halves, and making him a paraplegic held together with duct tape). My Barbies led lives not dissimilar to those on General Hospital, though sadly devoid of any James Franco dolls to play the role of murderer/graffiti artist. But, anyhoodle, K Bell’s dress sent me merrily down memory lane for a moment. UNTIL:
IT’S A TWO PIECE. IT’S A BIKINI TOP AND A HIGH WAISTED SKIRT! IT’S A TUBE TOP AND A SHINY TOWEL!IT’S TWO PIECES! TWO! WHAT? WHY? NO!
Comments (407):
we had crystal barbie too! her earrings that would not come out of her head were so pretty. that dress material always skeeved me out though.
Yes, but her hair and makeup look fantastic.
Oh my, in all the other pics of her from last night, I really did think that was a flesh-colored ribbon, and I thought it was pretty cute. That actually IS her skin? Ugh!!! Why? A tube top? Honey, no…
At first I thought it was a peach colored band across the dress and loved it. Then I realized it was a two-piece and that was her skin I was seeing. And still love it.
Yes, everything from the neck down: full on hot-mess-honey-no. Everything from the collarbone upwards makes me want to carry around a wind-machine everywhere I go.
Chrystal barbie! Is it wrong that when I got married last year (at 35) I really hoped to find a dress with some semblance of that material? I f’in LOVED how that outfit sparkled and shone…
There was another barbie that this outfit is remenscient of. Not the color per se, but the TWO PIECE effect. It was a magenta skirt with a giant ruffle that you had to twist around to make the top, too…. remember that?
When I read the headline I thought: I FREAKING LOVE K Bell, those fug witches are too harsh on her all the time, she is tiny and adoreable and I heart her forever.
but then I saw the picture…No! A WORLD of No!!!
Also, for those who kinda secretly love Barbie as much I (still) do, (Heather?! Jessica?)…please check out this link below to bear witness that this occurred and was, in my opinion, actually not half bad:
http://www.arizonafoothillsmagazine.com/afm-style-files/scottsdale-fashion-flash/barbie-fashion-show-new-york-fashion-week
Face, hair, skin all over looks fab. She’s so pretty. Her abs are to die for, but….are we really bringing the visible extreme upper midriff back?
I totally thought it was a peach ribbon. However, can we please send a note to all red carpet walkers to STOP standing like that! You don’t look thinner or better in your outfit doing the pee-pee dance!
I can’t believe I forgot about Crystal Barbie! I adored her jewelry, and her dress was soooo pretty (to my 10 year old eyes.) On side note, your Barbie games were so much cooler than mine. Of course, I never had a Ken doll, so that would severely limit my make-believe scenarios.
I promise this is my last comment. I don’t want to hijack. You just happened to bring up some of my favorite memories…
speaking of um, “fun” games… I had a Ken doll AND a Michael Jackson doll. Hahahaha!! Ahem.
oh kbell, i am one of your biggest fans, seriously, i love you – please remember that your abs are fantastic but ribbon is SO much prettier.
I thought it was a beautiful peach coloured ribbon, i was admiring the colour..THAT my dears is a serious transgression!!! She probably had the material and wrapped herself that shirt and tube top.. I was stunned!!
Aside, my barbies were worthy of their own soap opera: 2 ken dolls and 5 barbies… that says it all.. enough scheming and plot went on in my 8 yr old mind!!!!
If the internet has given me anything, it has given me the priceless gift of knowing that I was not the only one who chewed my Barbies’ feet and had marathon Barbie-soap-opera sessions. My Barbies got monsooned on deserted islands in torn Kleenex with rubber-band belts, got kidnapped and imprisoned by rubber-band shackles, and cheated with each others’ boyfriends while their roommates were away at class. And I can’t see electronic equipment packaging without thinking “Barbie hot tub!!” Sorry to be relatively off-topic, but thank you for letting me know I wasn’t the only Barbie freak.
yes, this is a terrible idea. But its not the worst of the night (i.e. Rhianna’s 5th element performance outfit), looking forward to the rest of your AMA posts.
I too owned Crystal Barbie and Crystal Ken. Until my sister took my Ken doll apart and threw all the pieces in our swimming pool.
Showing my age here, but all this get-up did for me was remind me of what the boys’ dates came up with at fraternity “yard” parties. Gah ~
Sheesh, the Days of My Barbie’s Lives were so boring compared to yours. Unless you count the ritual be-headings, that is.
Oh wait – ah yes the fug or fab question. Both. Want to love but kinda hate it, want to hate it but kinda love it.
Why is no one commenting on the horrific peep-toe Barbie shoes with the bows? My eyes immediately went there to escape the two-piece, then had to leave the picture for good.
Has anyone else noticed on their Barbie Hot Tub Party Bus that the music playing behind the flashing lights sounds a bit porny?
First, it’s just a crap, boring outfit, with the high waist of the skirt part particularly mysterious. And I LOVE my wee detective. And her apparently real hair.
Second, I had a gay Ken. I put Barbie’s red disco pants on him (with much effort), a vest (sadly, not leather or pleather), and red stripes in the creases of his yellow rubber hair with food coloring. And my mother added the final touch by shoving a bit of TP down his pants to give him a proper package. I wish I still had him.
@DH Your mother is the coolest mom ever.
I would have worn this every day if I was that age and looked that good. Enjoy it, K-Bell, while you still can. Silver lame has a very short shelf life. Plenty of time for grown-up clothes and hiding the midriff. Be your cute sparkly self NOW.
Probably before most people’s time…I had the whole Malibu Barbie gaggle of gals, with only 2 Kens to service them. Ken1 and Ken2 were tired but happy, so much so that one of them kept losing his head. If the Barbie camper’s rockin’, don’t bother knockin’.
I had 3 Kens for about 12-15 Barbies (or other female dolls). Needless to say, Ken(s) was a slut(s).
I came out on it should be fug but somehow…I don’t know. She just looks so good! And I love her! Veronica Mars 4-Evah!
Really, all I have is: we should have played Barbies together. I was always bringing my father Ken dolls in pieces (’cause Barbie was secretly a ninja), and Ken (of the Barbie and the Rockers release) presided over a harem. He had to pay.
Also, Barbie (of the Rockers) had a leg malfunction. Her sad limbless state was not so sad in my playroom. She became the “serving robot” rolling about to give food to all my other toys.
For this walk down memory lane, I thank Kristen Bell for wearing a tube top and towel.
Thank you Kristen Bell, thank you.
I am so relieved to hear about the elevator shaft! I had a doll (adult-bodied, like a large Barbie) that I named Karen after Judith Light’s character on One Life to Live. Karen was often in the hospital, usually in a coma after being pushed down the stairs by Ivan. She also had a split personality named Faith. Needless to say, my mother is filled with shame about this.
She looks like an alien from the original star trek… you know, the one where all the women are beautiful and wearing shiny wrapped towels, and are all nymphomaniacs who can shatter your eardrums with supersonic singing. Then one falls in love with Kirk, but the god of the planet takes offense at it and send the enterprise into a black hole, but scotty finds the extra dilithium crystals and comes back to rescue kirk who is being tortured by the planet god. But during the rescue, Kirk turns to punch someone and trips over a screen which falls to reveal that the god is really weeman from the jackass movies and ashton kutcher is really punking Kirk. You know that dress.
@Craig – I’ll tell her you said so. It was the late 70s and we loved us some gay men. I’m a proud third generation fruit fly, to use the (relatively) decorous term in deference to our dear leaders.
I had a mohawk punk rock barbie, too, but that was more common. What can you do after you try to cut her hair, but pull it all out, leave a bit in the middle and break out the food coloring again?
Ken and Barbie sex was kinda boring, too much clacking, not enough squish. Of course this was before Mattel gave them all permanent knickers.
Did anyone wear color to the AMAs?
Gross and boring. She looks like a hooker. Sorry, but she does. Those shoes are trampy.
At least it doesn’t make her look stumpy and frumpy. Look back at her atrocities in the archives–this at least fits and is height-appropriate. That being said, it does look like a drag queen’s post shower attire.
I was bored today and scrolled through some previous Fug posts – Taylor Momsen wore something similar to this once and it looked much worse on her.
It seems a bit like beach wear, albeit shiny, space-man beachwear.
And she has beautiful skin.
Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie kicked Crystal Barbie’s plastic butt!
This is such a shame- it would be adorable if it weren’t a two piece.
Oh! NO!!!
I guess I am the only one who hates K.Bell’s hair. Her makeup and skin look gorgeous but that hair makes me want to force her into a chair so I can run a brush through it.
Also…yay for other people who did abnormal things with their Barbies! I no longer feel so alone.
Please tell me more things that happened to your Barbies…. Pretty please with sugar on top?
I remember “rubber band torso” Todd. I didn’t know he was Todd, though. We always thought he was Ken…so we renamed him “slingshot Ken” and then he became “evil Ken” when we got “mangina Ken” (i.e. Malibu Ken).
TMI?
My 3-year-old just said, “What’s she wearing? Is that part broken?”
It’s not a good thing.
You guys are all so young! I had Quick Curl(TM) Barbie and also Quick Curl(TM) Kelly which literally had tiny wires in their hair and came with small devices to curl their hair. Eventually the tiny wires worked their way out of Barbie’s hair, and she became a silver fox. Kelly’s wires were coppery so she was still ok.
can you do nothing about the plague of small silver dresses?!
I scarily approve of this ensemble, if only bc I think the 2-piecedness makes it interesting. And if anyone can pull it off, KBell can.
I only had one Ken doll for some 20-odd Barbies, so it was kind of a harem. Once I took my least favorite Barbie and cut off all her hair until it was just short little spikes coming out from the plastic roots and dressed her in Ken’s clothing so I could at least have a makeshift Ken to double-date w/the girls. Yeah, a child shrink would have a field day. It was hard to hide her rock-hard double-D boobs.
I loved both Crystal Barbie and Peaches-n-Cream Barbie, but Sweetheart Barbie was my favorite. Did anyone else pretend their older Barbies were skanks that dressed slutty and tried to steal Ken away from Barbie? If I still played with Barbie today, my skank Barbie would be named Phoebe Price.
I probably should hate it but I can’t. She looks gorgeous.
Nice clutch!
…yeah, and another blonde in ridiculous clothes. Big deal? Carry on, please…
She looks so freaking good I can’t even question the wtf decision that went into wearing that outside of a halloween party.
I’m never sure whether the coolest thing my cousin and I did with our Barbies was:
a) Re-enact little-known Lucas Arts point and click adventure game Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis (and write a whole line of sequels)
or
b) Turn them into the Spice Girls, including colouring one in with brown felt tip pen to make Scary Spice (alas, she turned green)
Either way, they worked their outfits as well as and as inexplicably as KBell is working this.
I personally used to have a Barbie girl band. They were called Mikrophone because one of them was Swedish and couldn’t spell all that well and they lip synched to old Pink and Christina Aguilera songs.
And speaking of good ol’ tranny-tastic C. Ag. This looks like something she would have worn at the Teen Choice Awards in 1998, with those red faux braids in her hair whilst also lip synching to her own music.
I have nothing constructive to add except that I had a Crystal Barbie–she was so gorgeous. I never had a Dream House, though, so now I’m feeling residual childhood Dream House envy.
Oh, and my Barbies tended to have Indiana Jones or Tom Sawyer type adventures. We lived in the country so I’d take them out on the back 40 and send them climbing up the sides of canyons or floating on rafts down the creek.
I like it. It’s not really super-exciting, one way or another.
I can’t get over the Crystal Barbie commercial-too funny! Why did they have her wearing the boa-thing on her head??
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who didn’t realize this was a two-piece at first. I liked it so much better when I thought that was a belt of some kind. As it is, honey, no no no. Proper dresses don’t come in bits.
Also, as someone whose Barbie dolls were often involved in prolonged and complex hostage negotiations, bless all you guys who also did not participate in proper doll behavior.
I generally love her, but I thought she was Amanda Byrnes at first. She needs to cut that hair.
Two words: Wonder Woman. Gotta love it.
i had only one ken shoe so i would put it under the barbiw bed and when ken came home from work he would be all WHOS SHOE IS THIS??? and they would have epic fights! but as far as her dress goes (fancy swimsuit?) i could tell it was skin even in the thumbnail and i was all ehh whatever she is young!
sadly, my crystal magic ken ran off with earring magic ken in barbie’s convertible. there were sitings in the barbie townhouse but they were unconfirmed. very sad . . .
why oh why must it be a 2 piece? barbie lost a lot of weight!
Nein! The tube towel reminds me of the ‘bikini towel’ I employed at the spa last week. Which brings up happy memories for me, but I don’t think anyone is going to run up to Kristen Bell and start exfoliating her on the red carpet.
She keeps trying new things, and I admire that she DOES try. Her personality makes people love her even if she looks like she’s at the AMA’s of 1996. I do think the outfit is pretty horrible, but agree the hair and makeup are pretty spot-on perfect. You can’t win ‘em all. And it’s much better than the pink high-collar ruffled dress she wore to a Cosmo gala this summer.
Watching the Barbie commercial made me think that Ken didn’t want to DO Barbie in the dress, he wanted to BE Barbie in the dress!
I SO remember the Chrystal Barbie and the one with the Magenta Giant Ruffle dress!! I had both of them as a kid and wanted to wear clear glitter high heels just like Chrystal Barbie when I grew up. *SIGH* Makes me want to be a kid all over again…
That’s cool in an unexpected way, but it’s reminiscent of clothing from the 50s when waists were higher and occasionally combined with bra tops. Still, I’d love the outfit if it were attached by some material. Sheer, lace, wide belt, anything.
oh my god, crystal barbie!!!!!! i LOVED her. you guys are the best!
If that skin was a sash, this dress would have been FABULOUS! However, it’s not, hence making me think “what on earth made you look at that and assume you could wear it without people making fun of you?”
I adore K Bell, and I think she looks beautiful as ever. And i’m loving the beachy hair. But please, add a sash to this dress. And maybe some earings.
I’m kind of ashamed to say that I absolutely love this. It goes against everything I thought I believed. Existential crisis!!!
More true confessions: I never really got into the Barbie thing. I collected all the sad little dolls that nobody else wanted – the one that had part of her face puckered and really bad frizzy blond hair, the one that only had one leg, etc. Maybe THIS is my Barbie moment!
same thing happen to my Ken (Fernando for my dolls), he was never the same…
happened*
I never had a crystal barbie, but my dad once stepped on my ken doll and broke his head off. Devastated…
Anyway, I love K Bell. And I would love this outfit if it were a dress, not something that looks like a costume from the Little Mermaid.
K-Bell is my girl crush – she can do whatever the hell she wants when she’s looking this gorgeous! d
well on anyone else I would say no way, but this girl was Veronica Mars, so she can wear what she likes!
i love that you recognised the shiny crystal material…brilliant
)
crystal ken was terribly naff with his onepiece sleeveless shirt and highpants and shiny crystal vest. he lived happily as the only ken in my dollhouse until christmas 1985 when i got the he-man set. he-man beat up ken and evicted him and took over the harem, installing day-to-night barbie as first wife.
ken moved into castle grayskull next door and just sadly plotted evil revenge plans which he-man always foiled. awesome memories.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pilvetar/sets/72157622225091688/
My sister and I had Sindy dolls instead of Barbie (cheaper, no doubt), and a tacky moulded plastic horse that split in two down the middle. You could still fit the two halves together though, and Sindy used to store her valuables inside it, thereby foiling Evil Sindy’s frequent attempts at theft.
And I still remember when my best friend’s Barbie was arrested for being drunk in charge of a campervan…
K-Bell, you have indirectly made my day and for that all things are forgiven!
Neck up, she looks great.
This outfit would work if Kristen were headed over to a dressier, summer party at someone’s Malibu beach house – perhaps Malibu Barbie’s place. She’s young and fit enough to pull off the silver lame tube top. But, this is not appropriate outside of that scenario. No, Kristen, no! Bad! Anywhere other than Malibu Barbie’s summer evening party, it just looks cheap.
So what if it’s two pieces? If there were an invisible piece of flesh colored nylon or half a dozen pieces of criss-crossed floss holding them together, the whole outfit would look the same and no one would have a problem with it. So why is this such a big deal?
My brother had GI-Joe’s….Ken never had a chance with Barbie! Ken was usually beat up by the GI-Joe’s! LMAO
Dude. Crystal Barbie was the best. I adored her. However, I did not have that Ken, or any Ken. So instead, I shaved the head of my Hawaiian Barbie (who had dark hair and brown eyes) and then attempted to scrape off her boobs. I then named her/him Rasquez and he was the hot, Latin love interest of all Barbies in my house.
Oh but this outfit is rank to the max. I actually gasped out loud when I realized the flesh colored sash was actually a belt of flesh created by two separate pieces. Holy crow.
This fabric should really look cheap and slutty but KBell manages to work it,and I think she looks fantastic. But I think she really needs at least some nod to jewelry to finish the look. I get that she’s already on the edge of overkill with the shine and shimmer of the dress, but maybe some sapphire stud earrings for color?
Skin is not a belt.
oh man, crystal barbie. that made my day. i had the tracey doll too. also, i totally hated the ken dolls with the rubber joiny thing in the middle, they were weird and gross.
Is it just me, or is the song in the Crystal Barbie ad actually “Georgie Girl”?? Oh, and yeah, K.Bell looks…not good. Not good at all.
I Love Kristen Bell. She can do whatever she wants.
Wow, I’m not the only one with shamefully secret Barbie playtime? My Barbie–whom I owned pre-Dynasty, so my imagination resources were limited–used to get dressed up in a silver-lame gown made of tin foil pressed around her form, and get tied to the side of a mountain (my shoe rack) by a wicked witch, who would ravish poor Barbie (tin foil is eminently tearable). Sometimes it would be one of my stuffed animals who would ravish her.
But she would get ravished every time. No question. I think I was, like, 8 years old. Is this normal?
Wait–don’t answer that.
Our Barbies played with Luke, Princess Leia and the Darcy Cover Girls — the red head and th blonde. Ken didn’t get much action because Luke was buff and had a light saber. Sometimes they would all go skiing in Switzerland and have an orgy in front of the fire place. We also had a punk barbie and crippled barbies and at one point we made a prosthetic hand for the red headed Darcy.
I secretly kind of like KBell’s dress. I think she looks lovely.
Ohhhkay … Kristen Bell looks surprisingly good in this! If you were to describe this to me: “Kristen Bell in a high-waisted/NO-waisted shiny tube top dress …” I would probably cry. But it looks young, and fun and *she* looks great.
HOWEVER … If we’re now reinterpreting 80s Barbies into real clothes … Can we PLEASE have someone redo Day-to-Night’s reversible power suit? Practical AND glamorous!
My Barbies always dressed up as men and went to war with my cousin’s GI-Joes. Except for Christmas Snowflake Barbie…She just hung out in the back of the Jeep and flirted with GI-Joes.
As for the dress, it would be kind of amazing if she was wearing a lovely peach colored belt as I orignially thought that she was. I do however find that material kind of awful. Looks very cheap.
I was raised by very strict Catholic parents who disallowed pretty much all “scandalous” television. So sadly my Barbies’ affairs were neither as many nor as torrid as they otherwise would have been. On the other hand, my parents didn’t object to my reading countless World War II books and watching films about the war…so, my Barbies more often than not lived out a drama of resistance and intrigue in Nazi-occupied Europe. My Ken doll usually played the evil Gestapo officer and, b/c I preferred dark-haired men even then, Kevin (Skipper’s boyfriend) got to be the intrepid French Resistance fighter, fighting side by side with the Barbies against the oppression of the Germans. With occasionally sexy results (Kevin would get to make out with my favorite Barbie if one of them rescued the other from Ken’s clutches), but come on, people, there was a war on. I feel like this should all come out to a therapist one day when I talk about my childhood – but, in the meantime, love KBell’s dress only as a catalyst for hearing about other people’s more *normal* Barbie experiences!!
Fug Ladies,
After reading through these comments and about asphyxiating myself from laughing so much, I think you need to regularly feature celebs who accidentally look like Barbie.
I have been exposed to a world of Barbie that I never knew existed.
(Sheesh was I an embarrassingly sheltered 60′s Barbie beheading kid or what?)
OK, this dates me but…
I had a Barbie from the late 50′s/early 60′s with coarse, wiry, auburn-y hair and permanent turquoise eyeshadow. I called her Ugly Barbie until I got a Casey doll (I think she was Barbie’s cousin?) with soft, pretty hair and poseable joints and a twisty torso. I renamed her Barbie and set out to convert Ugly Barbie into Ken (because we were too poor to afford a real Ken) by banging her boobs into the cement sidewalk in a failed attempt to flatten them.
This was back in the days when color TV was a luxury and you only got like 6 channels, 2 of which were mostly static.
Okay, I LOVE Uncle Bob’s comment the best. The one that goes on and on about Star Trek. Because I *totally* know what he means.
I really like this dress/thing. I can’t help it that maybe it’s not tasteful, I think she looks gorgeous in it. Probably if it was on anybody else I’d hate it.
I did not, alas, have Crystal Barbie, but I did have a Barbie with a dress made of the very same material, only when you put an ice cube on it, PINK HEARTS APPEARED. (I’ve just spent about 20 minutes trying to find out the name of that Barbie and Ken, but it was surprisingly difficult.) Ken also had hair that changed colour from brown to blonde with the application of warm water, I believe. I loved that Ken in his dashing white pantsuit with iridescent vest and sparkly pink tie. He was my favorite.
I’m late to the game, but I don’t care.
1. I totally had Crystal barbie. She was my favourite, because the one I had has tinsel through her hair and as far as young Rach was concerned, the more sparkle, the better (old Rach tends to agree).
2. I had the heart ice cube Mattel doll too! I still have the ice cube tray somewhere…
3. I also had no Kens. One of my barbies with uglier hair became a makeshift Ken, falling victim not to scissors, but to my fat, child hands: I tore her head off to make her Ken. And so nobody would be confused by her frilly clothes, Lady Ken was always naked.
It says so much about my attitude toward men, really.
Yeah… I was never able to come up with original names for my barbies. The ballerina… Bun Girl. The action figure a friend and I stole from her little brother… Strong Man. And ken was always Ken.
They (all 20 or so of my barbies) all had affairs with Ken and Strong man, and Ken and strong man had to fight it out.
Or… “Bun Girl” was kidnapped by the Teddybears (Purple bear and Boss) and Ken or Strong man had to rescue them.
Oh… how did our young minds think of these things?
p.s.
@ DH
You are seriously awesome, same for your mom too!
You guys. First off, someone way up top spelled crystal with an ‘h’, a symptom, I presume, of the weird baby name movement.
Second, I kind of love this. Yes it’s weird in theory, but it hearkens back Rita Hayworth/Lucille Ball in the early forties when starlets started doing the whole (what I’m sure was very scandalous back then) midriff-baring evening gown thing it was hot and weird then just as it is now. And I love it for that.
Man, weren’t Barbie’s boobies frustratingly indestructible? No matter what you tried to do to cover them up or remove them entirely, there they remained, hard as rocks and impossibly perky. And completely smooth, like misplaced shoulders. What that doll failed to teach me about realistic anatomy could fill a book. Be looking for it, I’m feeling inspired.
Wow, I feel less creative now. My sis and I primarily held Barbie fashion shows, with an endless parade of models of all skin and hair types. I remember the biggest thing was when I begged for Moroccan Barbie, she of the long long long black hair and the shiny magenta outfit with “ethnic” patterns…I remember mostly I played out long dramas with my She-Ra dolls and all of her enemies and friends. They were much smaller, and had superpowers, plus one of them was a built-in Double Agent and another was Catra, whose claws made clicking sounds…Barbie was relegated to playing house and modeling.
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Did you see the Super Bowl?
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