Fug the Ad: Avril Lavigne

Wow. If I were the head honcho at T-Mobile, I would be about ready to race down to my ad agency and set it on fire. First, they unleashed those unbearable “if you want to be me, be me // and if you want to be you, be yoooou” television spots, which, after the first 600 times I saw them during the baseball playoffs and World Series, I grew to hate with such a fiery and unquenchable passion that I actually injured myself in a mad dash for the remote so that I could mute one, so sure was I that if I had to listen to that song while watching Dana Carvey and Whoopi Goldberg mug with a phone, I would KILL SOMEONE. And then, there’s not Maude, but THIS. Oh, T-Mobile ad featuring Avril Lavigne, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways:

1. Avril is a 25 year old divorcee. Is it not time for her to stop dressing like a 16 year old Hot Topic employee?
2. Like, WHAT IS THAT BOW? EVOLVE, AVRIL.
3. I’d also love to know why her posture implies that someone who hates those television ads finally snapped and broke her neck.
4. Seriously, are there still people who really love Avril Lavigne and want to buy things she has endorsed? I imagine old people, like me, are over her, and young people surely think she’s lame. Even if some of her songs are secretly a little catchy.
5. Speaking of, I’m relieved to be able to air this in a public forum: How shitty are Avril’s friends, as portrayed in her seminal work, “Sk8tr Boi?” According to the song, this dude they all went to school with, and on whom Avril had a secret forbidden crush, turned into a rock star. And she discovers — whilst home alone with her baby — that he’s having a local concert. So she calls her friends, and, I quote, “They already know. They’ve got tickets to see his show.” WTF! Why didn’t any of these so-called friends call her and say, “Dude, Frank (or whoever) is like a ROCK STAR now! Isn’t that crazy? He’s playing here Friday night — do you want to come?” Instead, they’re all going out to party and leaving her at home alone! It’s mean. I think Avril’s biggest problem herein is not that she lost her rock star high school crush, but that her friends blow. Also, I just realized that the person in that song to whom that happens is not Avril, but some other girl, and Avril is rubbing it in that she’s dating Frank the High School Rocker now. Avril, that girl doesn’t have any friends and you got the guy, so maybe stop gloating.
6. Okay, I feel better now. Thanks.